Dump your homemade Family Guy cutaways here!

Peter: Of course I'm a great actor, remember that time I was on Bonus Stage?

Peter: I'M BIG FAT GUY! (squish!)

Brian: Oh, come on Peter, There's no way you're getting into Lois' new play and that is that!

Peter: Oh, man. I haven't felt this left out since I got kicked out of the "Shirt Tales".

Peter: I'M BIG FAT GUY! (squish!)

(cut to Peter smiling and Brian looking confused.)
 
Here's another one:

Peter: I could forget the time I was like Mr. Oppotunity in the Honda car TV commercials.

(Cut away to Peter dressed like Mr. Oppotunity in a parody of the Honda car TV commercials)

Peter: Hey, Mr. Oppotunity here, and its the annual Honda Clearance, if you don't buy any Honda cars, I won't be (tap tap) knocking on your doorstep!
 
#1
Lois-Who's says you're the boss of this household?

Peter-I've always been a leader. Remember the time I went to the digiworld?

Peter (as a Tai lookalike) Ok everyone, line up. What's the city of Thailand?

Others: Bangkok

(Peter proceeds to kick everyone in the groin)

Peter: Suckers.


#2
Lois: Peter, I don't know if going on a African safari is a good idea

Peter: I was very responsible the last time.

Brian: Are you suffering from memory loss Peter? Remember when we went by the stampede?

(The Wilderbeast stampede from TLK is shown)

Scar: Long live the King!

(Mufasa falls down but is saved by Peter)

Mufasa: Thank you kind stranger

Peter: Hey you're not Simba!

(Peter throws him down while the rest of the family give him a nasty look)

Peter:He'll be fine.
 
How about this one:

Brian: "Stewie, you have more knowledge than when Slappy Squirrel from Animaniacs reads the tabloids while in a supermarket checkout line."

(Cut away to Slappy Squirrel at a Supermarket):
Check Out Counter Girl: "That will be $3.50."
Slappy Squirrel: "Hey, quit rushing me, can't you see I'm trying to catch up on the news here!"
 
Lois: Peter, I'm not sure you should join the NRA...
Peter: Oh realax, Lois, It'll be just that time I was in Father's for justice!

*Cuts to a scene of Fairly Odd Parents in which Vickey is doing her standard nonsence*
Vicky: AND MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN THE TRASH OUT WITH YOUR HANDS, TWERP! *Dorbell rings* What tha?
*Vickey moves to the door and opens it, Peter showing dressed up in a random superhero outfit*
Vickey: What in-
Peter: FATHER FOR JUSTICE! HOOO!
*Before Vickey has the time to react, Peter flings himself at Vickey and gives her the threashing of a lifetime. Timmy (And Cosmo and Wanda) walks into the scene*
Cosmo: Wow, look at the Whale go...
Wanda: Uh, that's a man...
Cosmo: Realy?! My perception of reality is RUINED!!
*The savage beating continues before a bunch of other guys in Super Hero costumes show up*
"Superman": Uh...Pe-Peter, this isnt' what we do....
*Peter Stops*
Peter: Realy?
"Superman" Uh...yeah
Peter: Oh, ok then Superman...
*Peter gets off vicky, walks away with the rest of F4J before runing back and kicking her in the shin*
Peter: And that's for this kid's parents!
*Peter then runs off*
*Timmy looks at the beaten Vickey and just prods her*
 
dth, just putting Peter into something like that doesn't make the cutaway clever or funny. Your just swapping one character with another without a joke, punchline or twist. In short, your cutaways don't work.

And I agree with those who've said this thread has run it's course.
 
Peter and Brian watching t.v.

Announcer: We now return to Jackie Chan in 'Legend of the Drunken Master'

Jackie Chan (drunkenly) Bartender, give me another.

Bartender: I think you've had too much.

(Jackie does a round house and knocks the bartender out)
 
Stewie: Quagmire is my babysitter? This will be a bigger disaster then when i had to guard the history eraser button
(shot of stewie patrolling the HEB, suddenly the announcer, played by gary owens pops up from nowhere)
Announcer: Can stewie griffin resist the urge to press the button that even now looms ominously near?
Stewie: Uh, yes i can
Announcer (not listening): Can he resist the urge to press the button, the shiny, beautful, candy red button?
Stewie: Uh, i already told you i can
Announcer: Can he hold out folks? Can he hold out?
Stewie: Ok, thats it (shoots announcer).(under his breath) there should have been a button to erase HIM.
 
Here's a couple more:

Peter-I can't get the darn vaccum started. This almost as annoying as Kevin Federline giving baby rearing lessons

Federline-Yo, you gotta place the bottle near the baby like so

(Takes out a beer bottle and places it on a babies head. He takes out a gun.)

Federline-Yo yo yo! I'm William Tell! Popozow!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peter and Brain are watching Jeopardy

Peter-You think I could be on that show Brian?

Brian-Are you serious? Remember the time you were on Deal or No Deal?

Howie-Pete, make your choice now.

Peter-I'll take rhyme time for $200 Alex.

Howie-My name is Howie

Peter-I'd like to buy a vowel Pat.

Howie-IT'S HOW...

Peter-Excuse me Allen Ludden, can I get a new celebrity teammate? This one is being mean to me.
 
Here's one.

*Peter and his friends are talking to Chris*
Peter: Look, Chris, we all know you're getting into some gang related activty. I know it seems fancy now, with the hip talk, and the booze, and the whores, and the booze...but you're really getting yourself into deep trouble. Ask Cleaveland, he knows better then anyone.
Chris: You were in a gang?!
Cleaveland: In a gang? I was the leader of one of the largest gangs in New York!
Chris: What happened?
Cleaveland: Well, there was this big meeting one time and...well, it didn't really work out.
*cut to "The Warriors, where Cleaveland stands in front of hundreds of gang members*
Cleaveland: Can you dig it? Can you dig it?! CAN YOU DIG IIIIIIIT?!
*everyone cheers. Suddenly, a shot is heard and Cleaveland falls out of the tower. As everyone panics, the Warriors are accused of the shooting, and Cleaveland is dragged into an empty hall*
Riff member: Cyrus, are you okay?
Cleaveland: Uugh..they shot me! I can't believe they shot me!
Riff member: Dude, no kiddin'. Uh, you okay?
Cleaveland: ...Yeah, yeah I am! Huh, that's weird.
*murmurs of agreement*
Cleaveland: Honestly, whatever happened to good manners? Didn't I tell those fools no guns?
*members murmer agreements*
Cleaveland: You know what, screw this! I stick my neck out and try to get our fellow man together, and what happens? I get shot!
Riff member: Uncool, man. Uncool.
Cleaveland: I can't take it anymore! I'm outta here.
Riff member: But what about the shooter, Cyrus?
Cleaveland: It was the Rogues gang!
Riff member: Really? How do you know?
Cleaveland: Because they're douchebags! And for God's sake, don't call me Cyrus anymore. It's Cleaveland! Like the city!
*Cleaveland walks off*
Riff member: Boy, guess we better tell those folks it wasn't the Warriors.
*murmers of agreement, until another Riff member gets on the scene*
Riff member: Dudes, that crazy Japanese game just came in!
Others: Pac-man?
Riff member: Yeah!
All: AWESOME!
*they all run off*
 
Peter: This is more awkward than when Marty McFly said goodbye to his mother.

(cut to the end of Back To the Future. Marty McFly is about to say goodbye to his future mother...)
Mom: Will I see you again.
Marty: Yeah. You might say that one day I'll pass through you and you'll suckle me to your breast.
(pause)
Mom: What?
Marty: See ya at the reunion! (walks off)
 
peter: this isnt' the first time a plan didn't work
nick: no my mom is going to die
xander: dont worry nick, I know what'll save her- plan xander
nick: enough of this "plan xander" crap, it doesn't work.
xander: oh yeah? hey udonna, the name's xander. I hope you get ...........
nick: she's dead!
 
Now this is a commercial I've wanted to spoof for a long time, and this thread I realize gives me the chance, so tell me what you think of it:

Brian: So have you considered a tutor for Chris yet.
Peter: I'm not so sure. Private educators are nothing but trouble.
(Flashback to commercial)

A kid tosses a brick into his mother's bedroom window.

Mom: You miserable punk!! What have I told you about throwing things at the window.
Kid: Take a look at the paper that's attached to it.
Mom: What's this crappy thing?
Kid: My math test. I got a 100%, an A.
Mom: You cheated didn't you?
Kid: No, the studies have payed off.
Mom: Don't try to pull one over on me. You know what your dad and I said if you cheated on another test.
Kid: Not the belt!!!!!

Kid: I use to be a complete idiot and a conartist, but thanks to Sylvan, I'm a genius. Albeit, my credibility is shattered and I have some belt marks on my backside.


Note- Yes I was thinking about the commercial where the kid skateboarded his paper to his mom.
 
Lois: Peter, it's getting late. Let's go find a hotel.
Peter: I hope it's better than the last hotel I stayed at!

Morgan Freeman: You do NOT want to stay in Room 1408.
Peter: You can't tell me what to do! I'm taking that room!

Cut to later, where everything in the room is trying to kill him.
Peter: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL?? WHAT'D I EVER DO TO YOU GHOSTS? WHAT DO YOU GOT AGAINST ME??
The woman with the claw hammer appears: Hmm, you know, that's a good question.
The woman shouts into the ceiling: WHY ARE WE DOING THIS, AGAIN?
Voices come from there: I THOUGHT IT WAS YOUR IDEA! I FORGET! I never know what's going on, I just follow the rest of you!
Woman with claw hammer: Umm....this was kinda something we just ended up doing.
Peter: I'm going to fill out a complaint card in the morning.
 
Quagmire: Well, i just lost my job at the airport again. Who knows what their replacment pilot is gonna be like.

(Cuts to Launchpad McQuack flying the plane.)

Launchpad: Nobody worry. Everything's gonna be okay.

Stewardess: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

(Launchpad crashes plane at the airport.)

Launchpad: See, i told you we'd be okay.

(Stewardess faints to the floor.)

Launchpad: Well, guess you can't crash 'em all. Heh, Heh.

(Soon, Launchpad see the feet of a possible terrorist underneith the plane.)

Launchpad: Oops, sorry about that, sir. Hope that's not coming out of my paycheck.
 
Brian: This is a worst idea than Peter being a priest.
(Cut To Peter Holding Snakes With His Eyes Rolled Back)
Peter: ***Generic Babble***
(There are subtitles that say "No one that is not from the Southeast region will get this.")
 
Chris: I wish I could get girls to like me.

Brian: Careful what you wish for, Chris. Remember what happened to Punky Brewster.

(Cut to Punky and her friends with Glomer building a book shelf)

Cheri: Punky, Henry's going to love this book rack you're making him.

Punky: But it's not going to be big enough for all of his books. I wish I had a really big rack.

Glomer just shrugs and gets ready to use his magic.
 
Peter: Don`t worry about the car Lois, I got a new remote electronic safety lock installed on the keychain. Now I can lock or unlock it from even 50 feet away!

(Peter demonstrates)

A thief then runs up to the car while it is unlocked and drives away.

Peter: wow, I guess that wasn`t very safe at all.
 
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