Dump your homemade Family Guy cutaways here!

peter: this is weirder than the time stewie was zombified at duel academy

stewie: duel me fat man! what the deuce are you standing there for?

and

peter: this is more repetitive than the dialog in digimon data squad

marcus: it's fighting time

gaomon: sir, yes sir

agumon: right boss

marcus: it's fighting time

gaomon: yes sir

agumon: right boss

gaomon: sir, yes sir

marcus: fighting time

agumon: boss

gaomon: sir
 
Peter: Wow, I wonder if everyone's arguement goes on like that.
***Cut to a car backing out, it then hits another car. The driver of each car gets out.***
Driver One: What the hell was that? I had the right away.
Driver Two: My ass you did, you can out of no where!
Driver One: Uhh... no.
Driver Two: Uhh... yes.
Driver One: No I didn't.
Driver One: Yes you did.
***Driver Two's cell phone ring. They both stop so Driver Two can answer it.***
Driver Two: Hello? Hey honey, okay I pick some milk on the way home. Okay, I love you too. Bye.
***Driver Two then turns off the cell phone and puts it back in his pocket.***
Driver One: Who was that?
Driver Two: My wife, she wanted me to pick up some milk.
Driver One: 1% Or whole?
Driver Two: Well we...
***The Angry Video Game Nerd runs in.***
AVGN: Will you two shut **** up so this can ****in cutaway can end. If I remember correctly, people watch Family Guy for Peter, Stewie, Brian, Quagmire, Adam West, adn a bunch of other characters. Not two ****balls arguing over a fender-bender. *SIGH* You guys are worse then those ****in Prom Night Dumpster Baby thing.
***Prom Night Dumpster Baby comes in.***
Prom Night Dumpster Baby: (Singing)I'm a Prom Night Dumpster...
***AVGN pulls a Nintendo Zapper and fires it at PNDB, blowing it to bits.***
 
Hah, the above one from Tobias is great.


I know they've already done a Ghost Whisperer cutaway, but I think this is funnier. It's kind of long, but there's a payoff for the patience:

A ghost suddenly appears in front of Melinda, who is on the toilet.
"I need your help! RIGHT NOW!"

Melinda: Can't this wait?
Ghost: No! There is an urgent crisis that could affect the entire world, and only you can stop it!!
Melinda: Can't I at least wipe?
Ghost: .....okay, fine.

Melinda steps out of the bathroom and the ghost appears again.
Ghost: Okay, here's the crisis. A man has surfaced who has the power to devour ghosts.
Melinda: Devour ghosts? How is that even possible?
Ghost: I don't know! But he's hungry for us, and he could decimate the entire spectral community unless you can stop him!
Melinda: How do I do that?
Ghost: With this.

The ghost hands Melinda a handgun.

Melinda: But...but I can't kill a man!
Ghost: You have no choice! He's after me, and he's in the town square right now!
Melinda: There has to be another way!
Ghost: There is no other way! If you do not shoot this man dead, the world is lost!
Melinda: I'll......do it.

Melinda steps inside the town square. There are dark storm clouds gathering, and a short man whose face and body are obscured by a newspaper he's reading is sitting ominously in the dark, on a park bench.

Melinda raises the gun and her arms start shaking. She stammers out, "Are you--are you the ghost devourer?"

The man lowers his newspaper, revealing he's perfectly round and yellow, with a huge mouth. It's Pac-Man, and he's visibly nervous.
"Um....um....NO HABLA INGLES!!" he yells, and quickly hides his face with the paper again.
 
Chris: DAD. THERE'S ANOTHER EVIL MONKEY IN MY ROOM, AND HE'S ALSO POINTING AT ME!

Mojo Jojo: MWAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA! I, Mooooojo jojo! have moved on to greater pasture, and have decided to set my sights on the conquest of Quohog, Roadisland, for I, Mooooojo Jojo will have no trouble at all seizing control of this town! Nobody, Nooooobody will be able to stop me, not even THE POWERPUFF GIRLS! MWAH, HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!

(Cuts to Mayor Adam West sitting in his office answering a phonecall)

Mayor West: Hello......Townsville?......Right away, sir. It's time to make 'the call'.

(Seconds later, as Mojo Jojo continues to laugh at Chris, The Powerpuff Girls show up)

Blossom: Mojo, do you honestly think you can take over any town without us even knowing about it?

Buttercup: You must think we're real stupid, huh?

Bubbles: We're always one step ahead of you!

Mojo: Ummmmmmmm. I didn't do it, it was that monkey over there!!

(The real evil monkey shakes his head, and points at Mojo.)

Blossom: Sory, Mojo. Lying won't save you this time.

(The Powerpuff Girls pound Mojo to a bloddy pulp.)
 
Peter: Lois, you need to get out of this house. I mean, even Jesus took a day off once in a while.

(Cuts to Jesus on the cross. A man looks look down at his sundial watch and yanks on a bird's tail causing it to yell like a whistle.)

Jesus: Yabba Dabba Doo!

(Jesus slides down the cross and into a Flintstone's style car)

Jesus, meet Jesus
Part of the modern biblical family.
From the town of Bethlehem,
He's a page right out of history.

Let's ride with the savior down the street.
Through the courtesy of Jesus's magic feet.

When you're with Jesus
you'll have a blessed time.
A very blessed time.
You'll have a faithful old time. !
 
Cleveland: Well, I just finished installing my new patio.
Peter (thumbs up in Borat impression) : Veeery niice!

Peter to Brian: AHAHAHA! Did you see what I just did there? I just held my thumbs up to Cleveland and said, "VEEERY NIIICE!" Just like Borat does! Hah hah, I'm so clever....
Brian: You call that clever, Peter? All you did was merely reference a popular film. Anybody can do that.
Peter: .....yeah, I guess you're right.
Brian: Sheesh, I haven't been this disappointed in you since that time you were a cyborg Sith lord that got stuck home alone!

Peter with Robocop's goggles and Darth Vader's black suit: AAAAAUUUUGHHHH!!!
 
Peter: This is just like that time I led a street gang in New York.

(Peter is the Shredder from the fisrt TMNT movie, and facing the turtles and Splinter on a rooftop.)

Splinter: I know who you are, Oroku Saki!

Peter: What?!

(Peter takes off his faceplate, and walks toward Splinter.)

Peter: My Name is Peter Griffin. You stupid rat. Peter Griffin! Okay.

Splinter: Terribly sorry.

Peter: Allright then.

(Splinter grabs Peter and throws him off the building.)

Peter: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(Peter lands into a garbage truck.)
 
I liked the Family Guy cutaway homemades dealing with Mayor West/Powerpuff Girls and Jesus spoofing the Flintstones. How about if Peter and the Griffins were spoofing the Flintstones opening/closing theme?
 
Lois: Hey Peter, want a Pop Tart?
Peter: No, Lois. Not after last time.

(Peter's eating a Pop Tart and the doorbell rings)
Boy: Hi, your mom said I could take you to the dance tonight.
 
Brian: Peter for the final time, I'm not taking you to another sporting event. Remember Surivor Series 97...

-Peter and Brian are seating right behind the bell ringer, and it was in the main event of Survior Series 97, Bret Hart Vs. Shawn Micheals, Shawn gots Bret in the hart shooter-

Peter: Noooo..... I'm not going let Shawn win. Ring the damn bell!!!!

-Peter grabs the bell ring it, Shawn, Bret, everyone was looking at him-

Peter: He did it!!!

- Peter points at Vince McMahon, who was at ring side as well.-
 
Here's my cutaway!

[Lois]: Stewie, you wanna watch Nick Jr.?
[Stewie]: No I don't wanna watch that God awful Nick Jr., you skanky whore, especially that time I watched The Backyardigans UNCUT yesterday!

{Cut to the Backyardigans world}
Announcer:We now return to The Backyardigans Uncut (The R in Backyardigans is replaced with a gun, just like The Sopranos)

Pablo is complaning about him shooting a person

[Pablo]:Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Oh Crap!
[Uniquia]: Pablo?
[Pablo]: I just ******' shot the producer! I just ******' shot the producer! Is there a rule when you can't complain?
[Tyrone]:Pablo?
[Pablo}: Shut up...... JUST SHUT UP!!
[Tasha]: Pablo..............
[Pablo]: Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Calm!!!!! Just Staaaaaaaaaaaay Calm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Uniquia]: Pablo!

Pablo:Huh?

Austin then comes outta no where and whacks Pablo with a frying pan.
''Pablo falls down into a coma''

Tasha: Oh for ****'s sakes, Austin, why?

[Austin]: It was bound to happen...........it was BOUND to happen.

(Then the kids go quiet for a long pause.....)

[Tyrone]: So,um,uh.......this means that we're getting cancelled, huh?
[Uniquia]: Oh, What you think, IDIOT?

Cutaway Ends Here**





here's another one


[Lois]:Peter, they're some new neighbors coming over, so take a shower and put some DECENT clothes on while Meg and I go out to find a dress that might finally fit her.
[Meg]:MOM!!
[Lois]]:Bye!! (shuts door)

[Peter]: Oh Boy, new neighbors! I LOVE new neighbors!!!!

[Brian]:No you don't, remember that time we met those yellow people?

{Cut to the Simpsons dining room, where both the Griffins and Simpsons are eating}

[Peter]:Oh my God, I never thought that we'd meet mixed people!

[Lois]: Peter!

[Peter:What? did they paint themselves yellow or had that affection like Michael Jackson?

[Homer]: Hey , your Football headed son ran over me with his car two years ago!

[Lois]: He's a freaking baby, and besides.....IT'S A TRYCYCLE, DUMBASS!

[Homer]: D'oh!

[Peter]: Okay.............what's with the D'OHs? You're smoking pot or something?

[Lisa]: Can't we just get along?

[Stewie]: Stay outta this, big belly, although I have a thing for fat girls

[Lisa]: How could you say something like THAT?!!?!

{Lisa cries over Stewie's remark and runs out}

[Bart}: Ay Carumba!

[Chris]: You haven't said that in years, fag!

[Bart}:Eat my Shorts!

[Meg]: Oh MY GOD, are you like a robot or something?

[Marge]:Hmmmmmmmm..... I guess some women don't know that condom on her head is for MEN ONLY, get it? (laughs)

Suprisingly, none of the griffins laugh as Peter makes a remark

[Peter]: Hey Midge, the 1970s are over, comb your hair! (laughs)

[Lois]: Hey!!!.......At least Modge's hair is visibile! Unlike her bastard children, whose hair is their face!

[Marge]: You son of a breadstick!

{they start fighting}
{Lisa returns with Maggie to fight Stewie}
{Bart fights Chris}
{Peter fights Homer}
{Lisa fights Meg}

Announcer: Crossovers: is not for everyone, including a talking urine family (The Simpsons), an insane family (The Griffins), and shows that are created by the same person.

the logo comes up

CROSSOVERS: Who the F@7K thought of this?

We hear Peter say to the Simpsons

"You should be CANCELLED, you're boring!"





Here's my last one:


{Lois teaches a kid Piano}

{The boy plays the piano so badly, that Lois stops him pronto)

[Lois]: uh,no more pratice, Billy!

[Billy]: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Lois]: You can go home now!

{Billy Leaves}

[Lois]: ugh, that was more awful than that time I had to teach that Retarded kid!

{cut to lois and Stuart Larkin from MADtv, where Lois voice Alex Boristein was at from 1997 to 2002}

{Stuart hides under the Griffin's couch}

[Lois]: Stuart, don't you wanna play the piano?

[Stuart]: (quietly) I don't wanna play!

[Lois]: Aw, come on!

[Stuart]: (gets louder) I DON'T WANNA PLAY!

{Lois then comforts Stuart and touches him}

[Lois]: Stuart......

[Stuart]: Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't

[Lois]: Please.........

[Stuart]: DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{Stuart then kicks Lois.........HARD}

[Lois]:AAAAAAAH! you son of a B@#$H!

{Doreen Larkin walks in}

[Doreen]: Ah-hey, Carrot hair, III didn't paya to RUB YOUR FACE, I paid yer to teach my Stooie Stew Stuart to play the PIANO!!!

[Stuart]: Yeah, humph!

[Lois]: Mrs. Larkin, I'm sorry, but your son is UNTEACHABLE!

[Doreen]: Ah-Well, it looks like HOTHEAD doesn't wanna get paid, huh?

[Lois]: I do wanna get paid!

{Stuart is in Lois face}

[Stuart]: look what I can do!!!!

{he does his stupid dance, then lands on Lois}

[Doreen]:I have the best son in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!



Peace!!
 
(Looking through a dumpster)

Peter: This is more disgusting than that thing Ketih Richards did.

(Cuts away to Ketih Richards lying in bed with Jane Fonda)

Keith Richards: That's it, I'm going to rehab.
 
HERE IS A GOOD ONE BY ME:

Peter: This is worse since I was once a last minute substitute for Gene Gene the Dancing Machine on "The Gong Show"
(Gene Gene's instrumental plays in background while Peter dances in Gene Gene's outfit with things thrown at him on the Gong Show set).
 
stewie: that's more annoying than a website disclaimer at the end of a kids commercial.

announcer: kids, go online and visit disney.com, but get a parent's permission first.

stewie: why would I have to get a parent's permission before going to disney.com? it's a completely harmless website. sure theres advertising on the website, but thats not a big deal.

could someone help with this? it's not very good.
 
Peter: "You need someone to stick by you for support on this trip, Brian. I can do that"
Brian: "Are you serious?"
Peter: "Yeah, I've been a travelling companion before"
*cut to inside the TARDIS*
8th Doctor: "We've landed. We're now on Rygacon 8"
Peter: "Excellent!" *plays air guitar riff* Let's go get us some hot chicks"
Doctor: "...Are you sure this is the time travelling phone box you wanted?"
 
My attempt:

*Brian and Stewie are watching TV*
TV: Kids, go online and visit Disney.com, but get your parent's permission first.
Stewie: I don't get it!
Brian: Get what?
Stewie: That, what the TV said! I mean, it's Disney. Why would you need a parent's permission?
*cut to girl on computer*
Computer: Welcome to Disney.com! Did you get your parents permission to come online?
Girl: Um...no...
Computer: Disney only sells their products to honest, obedient children. How else will they beg their parents to but them the Ultimate Delux edition of our movies for the seventh time when we order them to?
Girl: Um...
Computer: It's apparent you're not part of our target audience. So, to free up some bandwidth...
*Maleficent dragon suddenly pops out of the computer screen, and eats the girl before going back in*
Computer: Thank you for visiting Disney.com!
 
EXT. AUSTRALIA -- DAY

Peter and Lois get off the plane in the Outback, with the sun blazing. Lois is distracted by a kangaroo that hops by.
LOIS
Uh, are you -sure- this is the terminal?
PETER
Are you calling them liars?​
Peter gets out an army knife and cuts an apple. A man resembling Crocodile Dundee approaches, holding a huge knife.
CROCODILE DUNDEE
Pfft- that's not a knife.​
Crocodile Dundee edges the knife near Peter's face.
CROCODILE DUNDEE
-That's- a knife.
LOIS
Oh my God Peter, he's robbing us! We just got here!
PETER
Uh, OK, mister, we don't want any trouble.​
Peter nervously gives Crocodile Dundee the wallet.
CROCODILE DUNDEE
Thanks, mate.​
Crocodile Dundee runs off.
 
(Peter and Lois are watching t.v.)

Announcer: We now return the 1985 classic, MASK

(A deformed Eric Stoltz is being teased)

Bully: Hey, freak!

(Eric pulls out a green mask and puts in on, and turns into a deformed green mask man)

The Mask: Ssssmokin!

Bully: (awkward pause)... Freak!
 
Back
Top