"failing" Intimacy vs. Isolation.? I would like to know what are the psychological/physiological changes that occur when in love, and how to control them so your in a "normal" state per say.
I'm 20 years old, I don't have much experience with previous dating etc. But I've been very close friends with a woman in college for about a year ever since the moment we've met. I've realized we have so many things in common in many different areas (what we look for in a relationship, future plans, personality, plans for the career, etc). I've always seen her as someone who I have some sort of "escape" and in this one year we've drawn so close that people actually have asked us if we have known each other for many many years. I feel much comfort around her, she's actually my only "real" friend in college because she is unlike most people, of course I talk to a wide range of other people in the university I'm not saying I only talk to her. We always have great times when we go out (to eat, go to her house, go to my house, study, go bowling or whatever, run, etc) Now, ever since I've met her I've always subconsciously in my mind known that to me she is the ideal, not perfect, woman I would always love to have in my life, I felt some sort of "indirect" attraction, but as friends. Until about 2 months ago, I've started to like her but not to the point of "obsession" and real falling in love, I was just starting to "begin" to like her. Now about 3 weeks ago, I've really really started to like her much more now. To the point that 3 key things are happening and I need to know how to cope with them.
1) "out of the blue" depression. I think possibly from having witnessed for many years the divorce process of my parents, and all the "cheating" from my father, etc (even though him and me are very close), subconsciously I think this is affecting me. I've become so negative as to the point of thinking "imminent" failure would happen in a relationship. Depression out of no where, thinking she is going to outright reject me. I have many negative days. Then I have very positive days. And it's like a rollercoaster, and I don't know how to "chanel" this in a positive way.
2) Anxiety, it's as if I feel that if I don't express my feelings to her NOW, that she will "meet some guy very soon, fall in love with him, etc". Even though in the year I've known her she has only met one guy who's she's potentially almost had something with. She hasn't had a bf in her life though. So I know i'm worrying too much for no apparent reason. It's as if I feel only negative things for me could happen, I don't know why I have no optimist thoughts even though we are very very close, I feel we are so meant for eachother and not only me says this.
3) May I be struggling in one of Erik Eriksons stages of "Intimacy vs. Isolation"? I've felt even since I've met her, that I'm going to end up lonely and not be able to meet someone who'm to in a future marry, or have children, etc. And it really scares me. I've always since I've met her known that if I would like to have something serious with someone it would be with someone just like her.
What are some tips? Is this normal when in love or am I having a psychological struggle?
And even though this isn't the dating and realtionships forum, what would be a good way to express to her my feelings without "pressuring" her and letting her know I respect her decision, etc. but that I would like to know if in a "future" something between us could possibly work out?
THANKS
I'm 20 years old, I don't have much experience with previous dating etc. But I've been very close friends with a woman in college for about a year ever since the moment we've met. I've realized we have so many things in common in many different areas (what we look for in a relationship, future plans, personality, plans for the career, etc). I've always seen her as someone who I have some sort of "escape" and in this one year we've drawn so close that people actually have asked us if we have known each other for many many years. I feel much comfort around her, she's actually my only "real" friend in college because she is unlike most people, of course I talk to a wide range of other people in the university I'm not saying I only talk to her. We always have great times when we go out (to eat, go to her house, go to my house, study, go bowling or whatever, run, etc) Now, ever since I've met her I've always subconsciously in my mind known that to me she is the ideal, not perfect, woman I would always love to have in my life, I felt some sort of "indirect" attraction, but as friends. Until about 2 months ago, I've started to like her but not to the point of "obsession" and real falling in love, I was just starting to "begin" to like her. Now about 3 weeks ago, I've really really started to like her much more now. To the point that 3 key things are happening and I need to know how to cope with them.
1) "out of the blue" depression. I think possibly from having witnessed for many years the divorce process of my parents, and all the "cheating" from my father, etc (even though him and me are very close), subconsciously I think this is affecting me. I've become so negative as to the point of thinking "imminent" failure would happen in a relationship. Depression out of no where, thinking she is going to outright reject me. I have many negative days. Then I have very positive days. And it's like a rollercoaster, and I don't know how to "chanel" this in a positive way.
2) Anxiety, it's as if I feel that if I don't express my feelings to her NOW, that she will "meet some guy very soon, fall in love with him, etc". Even though in the year I've known her she has only met one guy who's she's potentially almost had something with. She hasn't had a bf in her life though. So I know i'm worrying too much for no apparent reason. It's as if I feel only negative things for me could happen, I don't know why I have no optimist thoughts even though we are very very close, I feel we are so meant for eachother and not only me says this.
3) May I be struggling in one of Erik Eriksons stages of "Intimacy vs. Isolation"? I've felt even since I've met her, that I'm going to end up lonely and not be able to meet someone who'm to in a future marry, or have children, etc. And it really scares me. I've always since I've met her known that if I would like to have something serious with someone it would be with someone just like her.
What are some tips? Is this normal when in love or am I having a psychological struggle?
And even though this isn't the dating and realtionships forum, what would be a good way to express to her my feelings without "pressuring" her and letting her know I respect her decision, etc. but that I would like to know if in a "future" something between us could possibly work out?
THANKS