Does anyone recognize my negative behavior?

T

Tuala

New member
Hello.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to look for an answer, but I didn't know what else to do. I'm not really looking for a full on diagnosis, but I've tried google, and can't find anything on this subject. I was wondering if anyone recognises this behavior. Here's the most recent example of my behavior: (this is just background info, please bear with me) My fiancee and I are planning a wedding. Recently, I have gotten into this huge mess with his family over the theme of the wedding, amoungst other things. Bottom line is, the closest of his family members now refuse to come to the wedding. He's very upset and is insisting he won't care. I insist that he will be upset if they are not there. I sincerely think he's just trying to play tough guy. In any case, I told him we should forget the whole huge wedding and elope. Even though it's not really what I want. I was just bluffing. He agreed and said we should. Which made me angry that he just gave up on our wedding so easily. I insisted on sticking to my guns about eloping, even though I wasn't serious becuase I didn't want to seem wishy-washy or a "crazy" mind changer. He was being very nice and sympathetic to me, yet I couldn't help but to yell at him. I kept placing blame saying things like "it's your family's fault that the best day of my life has been destroyed". I don't know what I was expecting him to do about it. I abruptly ended our conversation. Then He texted me to tell me that he loved me and we're gonna do the big wedding no matter what. Which is what I want. But I insisted on ignoring his phone calls and texts well into the next day, even though I knew I was hurting him. ahurting him was hurting me, but I still did it. We've since patched things up and things are ok now. But I want to know why the hell i do this. Mind you, I don't act like this often, but I have been doing things like this since I was small. Am I a controlling manipulator? An attention seeking brat? I've tried googling symptoms of personality disorders, but nothing seems to fit me exactley. Have I overlooked something, perhaps? Does anyone recognize this? Any info would be great. I'm just looking for at least a clue. As a side note, I have been dianosed with depression and anxiety, but have been doing well lately. Thankyou.
 
It doesn't sound like a personality disorder or mood disorder so much as a maturity issue. And I don't mean that in a cruel way. I was like that when I was younger. Now I just say what it is I want. It's less confusing for everyone and doesn't place the guy in a position where he has to mind-read. Everybody's happier.
 
See, that's what puzzles me. In every other aspect of life, I usually am very mature. I've always been told that I am wise beyond my years, and I normally do not have a problem expressing what I want. It seems more manipulative than anything, but I don't know why I do it. I have no reason to manipulate anyone.
 
People do things in a romantic relationship that they would NEVER do to anyone else. Even now I still do some things that, rationally, just make no sense. Since you recognize that your behavior was bad, you've made the first step. Plan out how you will behave in advance when faced with a disappointment. Consider that this is a big deal- you're getting married and obviously you want it to be special. Since that's the case, decide what you really have to have in your wedding and what is negotiable and then don't offer to give up something that you really have to have because you know you'll resent it.

I'm sure as time goes on you'll find that you will mellow in a lot of areas and you'll be more assertive about the stuff that really matters to you but more flexible on the issues that don't. You'll see. It's just part of growing up/growing older, whatever you prefer. :)
 
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