does anyone know any reallly funnny jokes?

Janet M

New member
There was a preacher, who loved to play golf to the point of obsession. One day, this preacher found that it was a great day to play, and so he told his clerk to tell the people attending his service that day that he was ill and could not do the service. So, he went to a far away place to play. His guardian angel saw what he was doing and reported this to God, Who decided that something should be done. The preacher hit the ball and had a hole-in-one. The angel said to God: "I don't understand. Look." God replied: "Yes, I know. But think about it; who can he tell?"
 
A hooker was on a street corner

of the nastest state - idaho and a preast

walkes ups to the hooker he says

"now what would your mother say if she saw you rite here rite now"

"Oh $#!t ! she'd kill me, this is her corner."
"hey father, " she said, "what are you doing here any way?"
just then the hooker's mom and took the preast in to her car
 
a guy comes running into his living room and shouts to his wife: Come quick! your mother fell off of a 6 story building 3 hours ago!

and his wife says: 3 hours ago?! why didn't you tell me sooner?!

So the guy responds: because I just couldn't stop laughing!
 
Ok, you asked for it.
One day a plane crashes on a island of cannibals. There are only three survivors. When they wake up, the cannibals tell the people to go get a fruit from the Forest that they think is Special. The first guy comes back with some berries, and the cannibals tell him that if he shoves 50 berries up his @$$ with out making a face or a sound, then they will set him free. So he starts to do it, and after about 20 berries, just bursts out crying. The seconded guy comes back with some bananas. The cannibals tell him the same thing they told the last guy, but he only needs to shove one banana up his @$$. He gets about 3/4 done, and just burst out laughing. One of the cannibals, curious about why he laughed, ask him why he laughed. He then says that he saw the other guy coming back with a pineapple.
 
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Andy.
Andy who?
Andy bit me again!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Stop crying, it's just a joke!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Duane!
Duane who?
Duane the bathtub, I'm drowning!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Hutch.
Hutch who?
Oops, I'm out of Kleenex!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
(sing) Sam and Janet evening...


I got all of these jokes from a parent website to make sure they were all clean jokes. That doesn't mean their funny though.
 
Back to the vampy joke...

A vampire walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what can I get you?"

The vampire says "hot water"

the bartender says " I thought vampires drank blood"

the vampire pulls out a tampon and says "I'm making tea"
 
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