Does anyone know any good jokes? Or have you heard any funny jokes lately? Any joke...

How many guys does it take to open a beer?
- None, it should be open when your woman hands it to you.

When should women get a sun tan?
- When the roof blows off the kitchen!

Why shouldnt women drive?
- Because the only road they need to be on is the one between the kitchen and the bedroom!

Im not sexist AT ALL, but my jokes are.
 
when the wife and husband had their first baby it was a boy. the doctors were pleased to report that it was a very healthy baby but their was one problem. the boy was born without a left eyelid. the doctor reassured the parents and said we can fix it. the doctor asked "are you going to circumcise the baby?" the parents said yes. the doctor said ok i know what to do. they constructed the new eyelid from the extra skin and it looked good when finished. one day 5 years later the grandmother came over for a visit. she looked at her grandson for the first time and said "is it me or does he look cockeyed?"
 
This one's really hokey:
Two parrots are sitting on a perch and one says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

(A perch is a type of fish...)
 
Why did the cucumber blush?
- He saw the salad dressing

What do you call a naughty monkey?
- A BADboon

hahaha very corny i know. heres the website where i got these jokes
 
There were two ships. A red ship, and a blue ship. One sunny day they crashed together. Guess what happened to the survivors? They were MAROONED.
 
Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both
brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth
grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are! ? Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said
to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers
down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!

She said, "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!
i got this from a web site
 
why did da dog say when it sat unda da tree?


He didnt want to be a hot dog?? and He likes da BARK BARK hahaha... corny, yes. Funny, no
 
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

how much come does a gay guy have??

a butt load!! lmfao!!
 
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