cheesecake_stripper
New member
I have ALWAYS been shy. Ever since I became a teenager and started to realize was "self-conscious" really was. Self-conscious, shy--that's me. However, when I first when to college, I really worked on it, A LOT. And I got better, temporarily. But then I quit college for awhile, and wasn't experiencing so much one-on-one different people interaction. And so I think I kind of lost the edge that I gained. And so, I am shy, once again. I've gone through a great many highs and lows, where I'll go from being extremely shy, to suddenly being thrust into an environment with tons of people (which takes me awhile to get used to, but when I do, I start coming out of my shell), and then suddenly, I'll get taken out of that "many people" environment for about a month or more, and suddenly revert to being shy again. I HATE IT!! And it seems like the more that happens, the harder it is to get out of my shy state of mind. I hate being SHY. Just like today, I was having what I thought to be a pretty good conversation with some store owner about stuff, and then suddenly, I started wondering what that person thought of me, and suddenly totally ran out of things to say, and so the relatively good conversation ended on a very awkward note, and I was left with all KINDS of bad thoughts. Which made me feel horrible about myself and even less inclined to want to start a conversation with some stranger the next go-around. Does anyone know what this is like? It's HORRIBLE? And does ANYONE know how to overcome it? I just want to be free. Not caring of restrictions, of being right or wrong... Just not comfortable with myself, whether I seem uncaring or not. I just want to be free. Not always thinking of whether I am doing the right (or wrong) thing. Is this possible? Please help... I am so lost... So in the mode of dark thinking right now (aka, suicide)... =(
Thank you...
Thank you...