Do you think this poem I wrote.. loves to go fishing or skipping rocks across the sea?

B

Blood Dampens My Pillow

New member
Fisher Child Reminisces

I remember the
White stars and
The white moon
Giving white light
To my red heart
Stirring pinkish
Yogurt that my
Soul tasted and
enjoyed

And I remember
The night sky
Crashing against
Blue shores and
The waves settling
Like quiet sparrows
Upon a soft nest

I remember this place
This is where my pa
Once smoked his pipe
And I remember the
Faint trickle of smoke
Dousing the aroma
Of pine trees

I remember how
The boat once rocked
And cradled our bodies
Within its loving arms
Like a mother of
A newborn baby

And I remember
His hearty laughter
Like thunderous pleasure
Across wide spread
Legs of a virgin sky
No more



And I remember her
Cherry blossom lay
Its head upon opaque
Bed sheets whispering
With fluid excitement
Burning passion

I remember how
He cast his rod out
Into this lovely water
Reeling in dinner for
The night and how
Its scales shone

Such rainbows that
Cannot be seen within
The reflective desires
After a rainy day
Forged by the hot
But gentle Sun

I remember his eyes
Wrinkled with the wisdom
Of one who has seen all
Yet knows nothing of
What he has seen
Yet still appreciates

What I remember most
The striking perfume
Of his essence so pure
Drifting through my
Bedroom window while
The lilies Wrestled

With the Wind.


Thanks for your critique!
 
This is absolutely fabulous! It flows well, tells a great story, and, and, and....I just can't say enough good about this. I love true talent and you got it. Thanks for sharing.

gosh this is good. really good. nice. I'm going to go read it again.
 
Wow that poem was really long. I have to be honest, I didn't read the whole thing. In all truthfulness I got about 3 lines into it before i skipped to the end. Having only read the first 3 lines I can only assume the rest of the poem was a recap of the 3rd season of Growing Pains. In which case I completely agree with you that Kirk Cameron became a little too preachy for my taste. Anyways keep up the good work and the next poem you write should be about the Family Ties episode where Alex takes speed to stay up and study for test but then becomes addicted.
 
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