I am a gay man just about to celebrate my one year anniversery with the love of my life. We hope to marry (or unionize, or whatever it'll be), have kids, the whole shabang. But recently I've been analyzing the gay community in general, and from what I've experienced at clubs and talking to other gay men, a large majority of them seem to be oversexualized. As in, the idea that they have sex with other men is the largest definition about them, and have thus ruled out other societal norms.
For example, some gay men really truly seem to only care about the artificial parts of relationships--flirting and one night stands. The idea of a commited relationship is seemingly dismissed because of their homosexuality. Having kids seems to be another issue, with some gay men claiming they never want kids, pointing to their homosexuality as a pretext for their decision. And there are other examples, I'm sure.
Now, this isn't meant as an attack on gay men, and of course there are many gay men who want kids, relationships, etc. I have recently noticed, however, a prevelence of the other attitude, even higher than in heterosexuals, and too high to be only a personal choice made by a few. And don't get me wrong, I don't mean that gay men shouldn't be sexual, but it's the oversexuality that concerns me.
My theory is two-fold. First, it is a self-fulfilling prophacy. There was a quote the other day that I can't find for the life of me, so I'll paraphrase. When we (society) talk about homosexuals, we talk about sex, lust and agenda; with heterosexuals, we talk about relationships, love and normalcy. So, when society describes you and expects you to be a sex-crazed loveless oddity, perhaps this is embedded into some gay men's subconscious. That this is what they are supposed to do. Society tells them that commited relationships and children are not for them, and so they reject them.
The second part of my theory is that we use the term "homosexual", which is purely a sexual term. No one seems to, however, use/mention/discuss/even acknowledge terms like homoemotional, homosensual, homospiritual, etc. These terms may be "implied" by the term gay, but I do believe that is an assumption on the definition, not the connotation. Gay men are defined by their sexuality, and so act out on that sexuality in order to define themselves. I believe younger gay men lack the education and role models (though there are a few) of fully-functioning, commited gay relationships, or even single gay men that aren't...well...sluts.
I do believe the oversexualization of the younger gay male culture is having ramifications within the community. For example: the spreading/reinforcing of stereotypes that potentially harms gay civil rights advocacy, the spreading of STDs, the emotionally unsatisfying nature of a sex-only lifestyle, this lifestyle being represented as the norm or goal of the community, and the outcasting of important aspects of life--love and parenting.
But what do you think? Is the young gay male culture oversexualized? Why or why not? Either way, I do believe this is a very important question that the community should address.
For example, some gay men really truly seem to only care about the artificial parts of relationships--flirting and one night stands. The idea of a commited relationship is seemingly dismissed because of their homosexuality. Having kids seems to be another issue, with some gay men claiming they never want kids, pointing to their homosexuality as a pretext for their decision. And there are other examples, I'm sure.
Now, this isn't meant as an attack on gay men, and of course there are many gay men who want kids, relationships, etc. I have recently noticed, however, a prevelence of the other attitude, even higher than in heterosexuals, and too high to be only a personal choice made by a few. And don't get me wrong, I don't mean that gay men shouldn't be sexual, but it's the oversexuality that concerns me.
My theory is two-fold. First, it is a self-fulfilling prophacy. There was a quote the other day that I can't find for the life of me, so I'll paraphrase. When we (society) talk about homosexuals, we talk about sex, lust and agenda; with heterosexuals, we talk about relationships, love and normalcy. So, when society describes you and expects you to be a sex-crazed loveless oddity, perhaps this is embedded into some gay men's subconscious. That this is what they are supposed to do. Society tells them that commited relationships and children are not for them, and so they reject them.
The second part of my theory is that we use the term "homosexual", which is purely a sexual term. No one seems to, however, use/mention/discuss/even acknowledge terms like homoemotional, homosensual, homospiritual, etc. These terms may be "implied" by the term gay, but I do believe that is an assumption on the definition, not the connotation. Gay men are defined by their sexuality, and so act out on that sexuality in order to define themselves. I believe younger gay men lack the education and role models (though there are a few) of fully-functioning, commited gay relationships, or even single gay men that aren't...well...sluts.
I do believe the oversexualization of the younger gay male culture is having ramifications within the community. For example: the spreading/reinforcing of stereotypes that potentially harms gay civil rights advocacy, the spreading of STDs, the emotionally unsatisfying nature of a sex-only lifestyle, this lifestyle being represented as the norm or goal of the community, and the outcasting of important aspects of life--love and parenting.
But what do you think? Is the young gay male culture oversexualized? Why or why not? Either way, I do believe this is a very important question that the community should address.