Do you like the 4th paragraph of my Iraq War Essay? Any errors?

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Alan Greenspan who served for chairman of the Federal Reserve for almost 2 decades said 'I am saddened that it is politically inconvenient to acknowledge what everyone knows: the Iraq war is largely about oil.' The Iraq war has cost our country over 3 trillion dollars. This has shattered our economy and has caused us to borrow money that we don’t have. The invasion into Iraq has caused such a broad multitude of suffering across the globe. Our standing in the world has fallen dramatically since our invasion, our economy is the weakest it’s been since the Great Depression and we face a financial crisis that is hard for most Americans to even begin to comprehend. All of these problems we face at large today stem from our initial choice to invade Iraq in 2003. By trying to force democracy on Iraq we’ve created a country that couldn’t be more far from true democracy. The fact is that through our invasion we have made more of negative impact in the country then positive. We have incited a great amount of hatred toward their people that America wants to police the world and tell other people how to live when this invasion is far from what America truly stands for. When America goes to war, it needs to be to be for just reasons backed by solid evidence that we are at threat. Though President Bush told us that the Iraqi’s posed a threat to us it actually was more a matter of misleading information that has caused an catastrophic amount of damage to our country and around the world damaging the world’s economy and the notion of what America was founded on. We cannot forgive the fact that Iraq was invaded ignoring the sacred document of our land, the constitution. I can forgive mistakes, but I cannot forgive ignorance of the law for that the Iraq war will always be unjustified to my personal belief.


I am open to ALL suggestions. Please tell me if you think it should be cut somewhere maybe into 2 paragraphs... Any sentences that sound akward and should be reworded. Thank you...
 
"that couldn’t be more far from true democracy"

further...not "more far".

Still interjecting personal opinion as facts. Beginning with "We cannot forgive ..." should be trashed in its entirety. It adds nothing but your opinion.

Very slanted with limited facts gleaned from obviously Liberal sites.
 
Definetly more than a paragraph. Three paragraphs I think.

You need to work on this as it's very subjective or opinioinated. Unless that' s your assignment. YOu need some more facts. I like Greenspan's quote. I would find at least one source to substaniate each sentence you have where you make a claim. You make a lot of claims. Normally in a writing essay I recommend one claim per paragraph and 3 per paper. The claim can be big and have components.
 
That was one giant paragraph and it didn't make your point very well whatever it was. Its like you threw a bunch of sentences together and hoped for the best.

Major thesis:

I am against the Iraq war and removing the bathist regime from power because:

Secondary Problem statement: The war in Iraq was about oil

Supporting statements:

Alan Greenspan said ...
It was not about security...

Secondary Problem Statement: it was expensive

Supporting Statement
3 trillion

Secondary Problem Statement: It made people suffer

Democracy is being forced on them
Bombs are bad

Conclusion:
I think the constution should be floowed more as your action item.

Also, I would add analysis on, only congress making war and the president's sworn mission to protect the Country from enemies foreign and domestic.
 
Do you really think you can blame all the problems we have today on the war???? if your teacher is any good he will rip you apart. Most of this paragraph is strictly an opinion of why things are bad. It is a huge stretch to say the invasion has caused suffering throughout the world. And Bush never said Saddam was a danger to us. Just to the iraqi people and surrounding countries. you need a lot of evidence to support these theories or you are going to sound very ignorant. your 2nd paragraph was sort of ok, but this one exposes your ignorance
 
Your 2nd paragraph was better. This reads more like a rant, full of biased opinions and no facts. You also have one outright lie: "we’ve created a country that couldn’t be more far from true democracy". For all the horrible things the Iraq war represents, no one can deny Iraq has a better government today than it did 10 years ago.
 
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