do you like my poem................?

T

Tommy

New member
five drunks try to lie
as long as you try to play
there must be someway
i can convince they scream
if only you could stay

i listen from the east
please pay my bill
i new right now to leave
only sounds of bereave
one last time youll steal my seat

sitting on some steps
i couldnt believe what i did see
there was two maybe three
come on and let me be
what a day i couldnt stay

you must be tired
i was totally wired
fed up of all the liyers
take a seat and just forget
all well and goodbye
 
Danabell has a great point.

The theme is there, but you need to develop it more. Also, whenever you post you need to have you stuff in line...like spelling.

It's hard to read past some of your glaring spelling errors. Now sometimes you can use a homophone as a literary device (ex. "new" used for "knew"), but I doubt that is the case here.

Clean it up, sort out your ideas to make them more coherent and then people can give you a more evaluative response.
 
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