Do you like my poem??

[its43ver]

i wrote it in 7th grade. (now in eighth, im 13)

Liquid Lies

All these lies
I depsise
running through my fingers
Like water sifting through
so slimy and gross
a mushy green goo.
tears stream down my face
I'm not angry, that isn't the case.
sad as can be,
I wish the whole world would flee.
i cant understand.
Im feeling so canned.
So smooshed together
feels like rain is the never-ending weather
my mind is spinning,
that liar is winning.


i really like it. honest opinions please! thanks to all answers.

Valerie

 

[KatLovesShayne]

for your age its good lol its a bit emo if you dont mind my honest opinion but i like it anyway! ^^
x x x

 

[smart guy]

its not gonna get any awards...your MOM might swoon over it. keep working i see potential ..try to use more absract structure and ideas....it sounds a lil hackneyed.

 

[craaazzy monkey base]

thats actually rly good for that age