do you like my poem? be honest lol?

H

Honeybee

New member
As I Lay to rest:


One cold night
I lie awake
Thinking of my life
The friends I’d made
and the friends I’d lost
The love I'd felt
and the love I'd forgot,
The things I’d dreamt,
and the things I'd lived,
the secrets I’d shared
and the secrets I could never tell
the mistakes I’d made
to the lessons I’d learnt,
I held a sudden pause
As a single tear formed in my eye,
At 97 years of age
I close my eyes and lay to rest.
Knowing that I was loved,
And I’d lived my life to its fullest.
XD i love helpful comments. thnx ppl :) *smiles*
 
I like the message and the simple approach. Two things stood out that you might try to revise. You have used the word "I'd" a lot of times. Try to work out some different references to self. Also, at the beginning of the poem you have a nice meter but it changes and becomes a little jerky toward the end. See if you can smooth it out.

But again, nice message.
 
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