do you know funny jokes?

Q: What do you do when Lady GaGa is about to punch you in the face??
























A: Just Dance (it's gonna be okay!)
 
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed what presents they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first one said: "I built a big house for our mother." The second said: "I have you both beat. I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said: "I've got you both beat. You remember how mum enjoyed to read the Bible? And you know she can't see very well anymore. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire bible.
It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. It's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and the verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent them her letters of thanks, "Dear Milton," she wrote the first son. "The house you built is so huge. I only live in one room, and I have to clean the whole house!"
"Gerald," she wrote to the second. "I am too old to travel anymore. My eyesight isn't what it is used to be. I stay home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to the third son. "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers came in.
The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette in the old man's pie, and took a seat in the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit in the old man's milk and took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate and took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left his dinner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress: "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied: "Not much of a truck driver either, because he just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

A woman's dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman to come and fix it.
He wouldn't accomodate her with an evening appointment, and she had to work the next day, so she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not talk under any circumstances to my parrot!"
When the repairman arrived at her appartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. Like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking.
Finally, the repairman couldn't take the parrot's talking any longer and told the animal to be quiet.
The parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!"

Two lawyers enter a bar, order a couple of drinks and seat themselves at the counter.
They both take a sandwich from their briefcase and start to eat.
Seeing this, the angry bartender approaches them and says: "You are not allowed to eat your own food in here!"
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
 
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