Do you and your spouse argue in front of your children?

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My wife and I rarely ever have any legitimate fights (and even then we do not ever physically or verbally abuse each other) but we do have the occasional argument or spat. She thinks we need to always remove ourselves and argue the issue in privacy out of earshot of the kids (9, 7 and 2). She maintained that her parents have had 35 years of marriage without a single fight or spat, but they did. They just never argued in front of her or her brother and was overly upset by our first fight as a couple. I actually think it's healthy for kids to witness an argument now and then because it shows them how to handle and resolve conflict. I love my wife and in-laws, but I think she was a bit too sheltered as a child and became someone who doesn't have strong conflict resolution skills as a result.

Thoughts?
Sorry for the grammatical errors there, folks. I meant to write that my wife was overly upset the first time and she and I ever had a fight because she'd never witnessed her parents having one.
I'm not talking about shouting at one another in anger, name-calling or having big blow outs. I'm talking about disagreements and arguments over more minor matters.
 
It would used to hurt me so much when my parents argue. There's a strong fear of them splitting up and it made me depressed for days- especially then they ask me who is right. My most remembered memories of them when I was younger was them fighting. I wished it could have been something else. I think it will create emotional problems in the long run.

If you're saying that it's just a healthy debate, then they should. If you're having a discussion, debate with them- don't ask them who's wrong and right. That will make them feel like they have to choose between their parents (they should be equal!) Instead, ask what they think about the subject.

If it gets to yelling and harsh overtones, I would not let them hear it. Find some other way for them to get practice for resolving conflict.
 
We do our very best not to argue in front of our 2 yr old. Mainly my husband was raised in a nonstop fighting household. And I was raised in that same type of household. My father would scream at my mother and well, it made me feel like crap as a child. That was my Mommy, that was my Daddy, and seeing them fight and hearing them fight, wasn’t making me feel very good. There are times when I feel like it’d be my fault, when it had nothing to do with me.

I admit that there are times when we slip and we DO argue in front of our son. But the second I catch myself, I stop and walk away. Because I remember what that felt like to me growing up and I don’t want my son to feel that same way.

I think you need to discuss this and work on it together. A little compromise from both ends. I’m not saying shelter your child and make them believe life is perfect. But don’t go throwing punches either (yes I’m being extreme).

Everything in this is a compromise. And the end result is the same: You both want your child to be happy and be raised in a positive environment. A fight here and there won’t kill your child. But you should always do your best to keep it between adults!
 
Even though experts say not to argue in front of children, I still do. I try really hard not to, but it is completly ridiculous and illogical to be angry at someone and say "darling, let us go into the other room/or let us wait till we get home to argue." Obviously, if someone is angry I feel that it is better to get it out of their system and cool down so it does not escalate. My husband and I don't argue a lot, but when we have even if we are in a different location then the children they still know whats up.
 
i hate to argue in front of my kids but to be honest, we have no other chance to talk. if it gets loud i put an end to it, it has never gotten out of control. there are arguements that have never ended, and resentment bc of that, but i am in counseling so at least i get to rant there.
 
She's right. Kids should never have to witness their parents argue. My husband and I don't argue or fight but we do disagree. When my stepson is there, my husband and I agree to talk about our issues later.
 
My parents used 2 fight in front of me & I got scared tat everyone had massive arguements. If u want 2 fight go 2 da bathroom where they can not hear u.
 
Your wrong she's right. The damage from what the kids see and hear outweighs any of your perceived gains.
 
they say whenever you argue in front of your children that they will learn to be like that in the future
 
I believe it is ok to have children witness parents fighting. Why, because the do learn how to solve conflicts and they can also see how the parents resolve the issue. Maybe they will see one parent or the other say they are sorry or see that the fact that 2 people don't always agree is ok too. We should not hide arguments because it is a fact of life, people do argue and a lot of times this is perfectly healthy, providing it doesn't involve name calling or abuse in any way. You kids will not be damaged by it.
 
Argue? Yes. Knock down, drag out? No. But, I think it is good for the kids to see us have a disagreement on something and come to a resolution. Never in our six years of marriage have we ever resorted to name calling. I am talking about a constructive argument...yes, I think it is good for the kids to see that and know that even if we disagree, we still love each other and can work though it. Plus, there is no fear of divorce. Our kids know as well as we do that we will be together forever. And no, that is not "pie in the sky" thinking, it is our reality.
 
Minor disagreements---if infrequent---are not likely to harm a child's sense of security... But, if it turns ugly, the parents need to be able to STOP.

I have personal experience with this: my parents fought anywhere and everywhere; loudly, horribly, and it was embarrassing, and scary... I would never want to put my kids through that, so I do insist my husband and I keep our disagreements between us. (Most of them, anyway.) Just as I don't want to be burdened with hearing my kids have their little spats, I want to show respect for my kids, and lead by example.
 
I 100% agree with you. My husband and I will have disagreements. We are not ones to "fight". But we have healthy disagreements. With that said, I feel kids need to know people argue and it is ok. They need to see you can argue or disagree but then makeup. It teaches them how to positively disagree and then come back together.
 
I agree with you. As long as it is not a kick-down drag on screaming match then it is good to show them that conflicts will happen and it can be resolved. Just make sure as they may see you argue, they will see you resolve. I grew up with domestic violence and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I never saw resolve but now as an adult I think it is healthy to show children that disagreements do happen. I make sure I apologize in front of the kids so they can see the full circle :-)

Kids have arguments in the "sandbox" all the time. Kids learn by example. Wouldn't you want your children to show the same respect during an argument to their friends that you would show your spouse?
 
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