My close friend who I make a habit of confiding in, says she is worried for me, because she thinks I have disorder eating. But I think she may just be projecting because she has serious issues with food. But then agin I also do odd stuff to skew others perception of how much I eat, like buy food from the cafeteria when my friends are in it, but then through it away in an empty hall. Because some of my friends bug me about being to thin or not eating enough, and it's just annoying. Their is no such thing as to thin. But this scares m because the only person to I'm really honest to thinks that I have major issues. And I don't have anyone else to ask for a second opinion, because that would mean, a lot of unsavory back story. Well that's why I'm asking this question. Some information about my eating habits are, I don't like breakfast or lunch, so I don't eat them. I eat dinner, everyday because my mom maintains that we have our dinner together, how ever unpleasant that may be, we yell and fight, or bicker, or nitpick at each other, or stew in award silence, only occasionally breaking it to snapping at each other. And when I say things like we yell I mean my mom yells, and so on. But she has a very stressful life, and we should be better kids for her. But were not, so she yells. I've always had body issues, but most girls in this day and age do.
But I think I developed a disgust for food when I was a vegetarian, something I am now for the record not allowed to be until i'm 18. My mom got a pizza and it had meat o it, so I started to pick it off the meat. This very much enraged my mother, who ripped and waddended up the pice in the mist of explaining to me how she had spent good money that she worked hard for on that pizza that i was eating so ruddily, and ungratefully. And then made me eat the shredded remains of the slice, with the threat hanging over my head that if I didn't eat it, enjoy it and thank her I could very well find some were else to live. The pizza didn't taste like nourishment it tasted like shame. Shame that my life was not my own, that not even my shame mattered I was though of so lowly, that I'm just the fulfillment of some sick '50s happy family idea that when side ways, not a human being. It sounds minor but it's just one of those traumatizing for no good reason things you remember.
And then emotion got probably got entangled with food with my papa, when we got to see him agin. His medication makes him fixated on food, espeshally when he first started taking it. And trying to reconnect with my papa for a while their was all food, food, food, even now I eat all the time with him, but it's almost like I don't like eating with out him, because it makes me miss him. Like running with out him, I hate p.e., I get teary sometimes when we run the mile. It's really bad that i've stopped running, while we were running one time when I was young my papa was, you know being a good dad and telling me that I was the perfect weight. And you know I thought I was fat and he said, oh your not, trust me, I wouldn't let you get fat if you started to get fat I'ld have you out one the track so fast funning it off....he didn't like fat people. But I haven't seriously ran for years now.
So yes, I have major issues with food, that becomes very evident in writhing all this down, but I don't have an eating disorder, I can eat, so I'm not anorexic. And I don't purge, so I'm don't have bulimia, and my doctor says I'm under weight so I'm not a compulsive eater. well the last one would work the best for me probably, because it's very unpleasant and sometimes involuntary continuing to eat once I've started, i don't mean like binges or anything, just like finishing a serving that was to big, or going for seconds, and some times thirds. so lots of times I just don't start eating, because it's easier than stopping, but it's not because I have an eating disorder do you think? If I did I would be skinny, I would settle for thin, or just not flabby, that's me in a nutshell. I hate being flabby, but that doesn't mean i have an eating disorder like my friend said, right?
But I think I developed a disgust for food when I was a vegetarian, something I am now for the record not allowed to be until i'm 18. My mom got a pizza and it had meat o it, so I started to pick it off the meat. This very much enraged my mother, who ripped and waddended up the pice in the mist of explaining to me how she had spent good money that she worked hard for on that pizza that i was eating so ruddily, and ungratefully. And then made me eat the shredded remains of the slice, with the threat hanging over my head that if I didn't eat it, enjoy it and thank her I could very well find some were else to live. The pizza didn't taste like nourishment it tasted like shame. Shame that my life was not my own, that not even my shame mattered I was though of so lowly, that I'm just the fulfillment of some sick '50s happy family idea that when side ways, not a human being. It sounds minor but it's just one of those traumatizing for no good reason things you remember.
And then emotion got probably got entangled with food with my papa, when we got to see him agin. His medication makes him fixated on food, espeshally when he first started taking it. And trying to reconnect with my papa for a while their was all food, food, food, even now I eat all the time with him, but it's almost like I don't like eating with out him, because it makes me miss him. Like running with out him, I hate p.e., I get teary sometimes when we run the mile. It's really bad that i've stopped running, while we were running one time when I was young my papa was, you know being a good dad and telling me that I was the perfect weight. And you know I thought I was fat and he said, oh your not, trust me, I wouldn't let you get fat if you started to get fat I'ld have you out one the track so fast funning it off....he didn't like fat people. But I haven't seriously ran for years now.
So yes, I have major issues with food, that becomes very evident in writhing all this down, but I don't have an eating disorder, I can eat, so I'm not anorexic. And I don't purge, so I'm don't have bulimia, and my doctor says I'm under weight so I'm not a compulsive eater. well the last one would work the best for me probably, because it's very unpleasant and sometimes involuntary continuing to eat once I've started, i don't mean like binges or anything, just like finishing a serving that was to big, or going for seconds, and some times thirds. so lots of times I just don't start eating, because it's easier than stopping, but it's not because I have an eating disorder do you think? If I did I would be skinny, I would settle for thin, or just not flabby, that's me in a nutshell. I hate being flabby, but that doesn't mean i have an eating disorder like my friend said, right?