Hi there! Basically, here is the deal. I've experienced a house fire in my mother's whom, hit my head when I was 18 months old or so on a corner of a wall (still have a scar on my forehead), was abused physically, psychologically and sexually by my siblings, for a while I was physically and psychologically abused by my step-dad (until put on probation by the police, only minor stuff after that), then my scitzofranic father (divorced, for many years), started to become a major part of my life, until about 6 months ago. He was mean, abusive and manipulative, but not to the extent that I was aware that it was a problem, and then I lived with him for a year (this last year), and sustained physical, psychological, social, and minor sexual abuse - along with isolating me so that he could manipulate and control me. In my vulnerable state, wanting to leave but without enough money, I was taken advantage of by a woman with worse mental problems than him, and by that I mean, sexually, and practically, who I left after 3 weeks. I was also stolen from by those two and someone else. I then fled the city, finally have what is left of my belongings and my sanity, that all ended about 6 months ago.
So, here is what I'm wondering. Do I have an illness of any kind? I tend to miss or confuse important details, sometimes have trouble being motivated to do things, and until recently have been hyper-sensitive to anything rude. It has been a few months since I stopped cutting myself, about a couple of months since I had suicidal thoughts, and periodically question whether or not it is worth it to live (well, let's hope that my future is brighter), without any intention of suicide, but questioning whether or not it's worth it to give a rip. It was recent that I was able to sleep at night. I'm smart, attractive and talented, and it's annoying to have these problems. I don't seem to have a sense of emergency - I am calm in every situation, for the most part, unless I'm triggered, which I've been making some progress with. As in, I can go fast, at work, but I don't feel the need to hurry, unless there is something immediately good for me, or someone expresses a need to get it done by a certain time, specifically.
While I was with my father, I entered into his mind space and had psychotic voices in my mind that I couldn't control, until I asked God for the strength to be rid of that.
I also experienced a lot of bad spiritual stuff, like having something invisible try to knock me over on my rollerblades or the stairs (my dad is into very evil practices), and felt entities with me or against me at times, and had something invisible poke me in the back to wake me up. Either my mind was tricking me, it was another personality (which wouldn't make sense, as these were very physical experiences by outside forces), or my dad and his wife/gf, are very evil. I also partook in these practices thinking they were right, which might explain some things.
Since then I've been going to a 12-step program for healing, and some ministers that I know, and plan to go to the mental health clinic. I've been to one counselor session near the end of all this kafuffle, and have applied the advice and intstructions which has helped a lot. Other than that I cope with the pain by smoking, an escape to video games and talking to people, which tenRAB to more or less replace smoking temporarily. I would say more but this is long already.
I hope someone has answers. Am I a psycho wack job? Just someone who neeRAB healing? I know some signs of mental illness, but not enough to diagnose myself, if there is anything to diagnose myself with. I shared a lot of my story so that I have a list of possible symptoms as well as possible causes. I'm just wondering if I have a problem or not.
Thank you all for your help!
So, here is what I'm wondering. Do I have an illness of any kind? I tend to miss or confuse important details, sometimes have trouble being motivated to do things, and until recently have been hyper-sensitive to anything rude. It has been a few months since I stopped cutting myself, about a couple of months since I had suicidal thoughts, and periodically question whether or not it is worth it to live (well, let's hope that my future is brighter), without any intention of suicide, but questioning whether or not it's worth it to give a rip. It was recent that I was able to sleep at night. I'm smart, attractive and talented, and it's annoying to have these problems. I don't seem to have a sense of emergency - I am calm in every situation, for the most part, unless I'm triggered, which I've been making some progress with. As in, I can go fast, at work, but I don't feel the need to hurry, unless there is something immediately good for me, or someone expresses a need to get it done by a certain time, specifically.
While I was with my father, I entered into his mind space and had psychotic voices in my mind that I couldn't control, until I asked God for the strength to be rid of that.
I also experienced a lot of bad spiritual stuff, like having something invisible try to knock me over on my rollerblades or the stairs (my dad is into very evil practices), and felt entities with me or against me at times, and had something invisible poke me in the back to wake me up. Either my mind was tricking me, it was another personality (which wouldn't make sense, as these were very physical experiences by outside forces), or my dad and his wife/gf, are very evil. I also partook in these practices thinking they were right, which might explain some things.
Since then I've been going to a 12-step program for healing, and some ministers that I know, and plan to go to the mental health clinic. I've been to one counselor session near the end of all this kafuffle, and have applied the advice and intstructions which has helped a lot. Other than that I cope with the pain by smoking, an escape to video games and talking to people, which tenRAB to more or less replace smoking temporarily. I would say more but this is long already.
I hope someone has answers. Am I a psycho wack job? Just someone who neeRAB healing? I know some signs of mental illness, but not enough to diagnose myself, if there is anything to diagnose myself with. I shared a lot of my story so that I have a list of possible symptoms as well as possible causes. I'm just wondering if I have a problem or not.
Thank you all for your help!