Never in my life have I gotten a proper mental evaluation, simply because I don't want my parents to find out. I have suffered through certain events alone and I don't want my parents involved. I did, however, talk to my school's social worker last year and he told me his honest opinion. I didn't mention what happened to me in my childhood, but just by talking to me for two sessions, he said I seemed as though I had severe depression. He wanted to help; I know he did. He tried advising me to tell my parents or to get the proper care I needed, though I declined. I just want to know somebody's opinion... hopefully somebody will listen:
I was sexually and psychologically abused as a child. By my brother. I was eight years old when he started to "touch" me, but I looked the other way because I was afraid. I never spoke up to my parents, but things got far worse. As the years went on, he started to do other things, especially when he thought I was "sleeping." He penetrated me with his finger on multiple occasions but I was never able to tell my parents. Whenever I think about it, I can still feel his hands on me and it sickens me to death. I still remember it and I wish I didn't. I used to have frequent nightmares about him, but nowadays, it's merely thoughts that I feel as though are intrusive.
My friends and family tell me that I seem to "blank out" when I'm doing mindless activities. For example, if I'm at the kitchen table alone or if I'm just walking around, I'll just stay completely still and be absorbed in my thoughts. When somebody jumps out at me or if I hear a sound, I have a pretty strong startle response, though it's very unwanted. My memory has been absolutely terrible for who knows how long; I seem to trail from one place to the next in a matter of minutes. I won't remember what I'm doing even when I'm in the middle of doing it.
I don't know if this is considered rape or if my "symptoms" can tell you anything, but can somebody please try to help me?
I was sexually and psychologically abused as a child. By my brother. I was eight years old when he started to "touch" me, but I looked the other way because I was afraid. I never spoke up to my parents, but things got far worse. As the years went on, he started to do other things, especially when he thought I was "sleeping." He penetrated me with his finger on multiple occasions but I was never able to tell my parents. Whenever I think about it, I can still feel his hands on me and it sickens me to death. I still remember it and I wish I didn't. I used to have frequent nightmares about him, but nowadays, it's merely thoughts that I feel as though are intrusive.
My friends and family tell me that I seem to "blank out" when I'm doing mindless activities. For example, if I'm at the kitchen table alone or if I'm just walking around, I'll just stay completely still and be absorbed in my thoughts. When somebody jumps out at me or if I hear a sound, I have a pretty strong startle response, though it's very unwanted. My memory has been absolutely terrible for who knows how long; I seem to trail from one place to the next in a matter of minutes. I won't remember what I'm doing even when I'm in the middle of doing it.
I don't know if this is considered rape or if my "symptoms" can tell you anything, but can somebody please try to help me?