Ok, so I woke up next to a bear with a nasty hangover, my pants are off, and more than my emotions are bruised. Can I sue her for molestering me (I'm a 37-year-old male)? I'd prefer to collect a big check and not return to work. Oh, also, please substitute the word "bear" with "potentially-hairy and obese lady who I hope my friends never find out about." (In other words, I'd prefer to keep this mustachioed stranger in the dark.)
Do I have a cause of action against a bear?
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