Different backgrounds, will it work?

S

sapphire

New member
We grew up differently. I grew up in an affluent environment and had a good childhood. He grew up "poor" and had a not so nice childhood. He sometimes vents about his childhood and how his mom used to treat him and I lovingly listen because I know how therapeutic it is to vent sometimes. However, he gets so angry when I occasionally mention some of my childhood experiences and tunes me out. I don't do it to "rub it in his face", occasionally when we're talking if something comes up that relates to my childhood, I'll mention it.

I cannot help that I had an "affluent" childhood and he didn't. I like to share my past experiences too. How can we build and bond if he does all the talking and shuts me down when I try to?

Is this a lost cause?
 
How can we build and bond if he does all the talking and shuts me down when I try to?

>>We are somewhat like you 2 BUT we learned how to vent and relate as friends - not competitors so read some relationship books and learn how to relate, communicate and stay best friends no matter what.

Is this a lost cause?
>> Only if one or both are not willing to relate better!

re: However, he gets so angry when I occasionally mention some of my childhood experiences and tunes me out.
>> Since i am the one with the unhappy childhood, i have noticed that those who had a good childhood sometimes do RUB IT IN MY FACE as a way of either shutting me up or "straightening me out" regarding my bad attitude. It's as if the happy ones refuses to allow me to feel hurt and unhappy - like I have no excuse in their eyes. They want me to shut up and change my attitude SO THEY can feel better!?!? I accept that a bad or pained attitude is no fun but sometimes I just have to talk about it - OR BLOW UP! I've often wondered if those who claim happy childhoods are actually in denial and also had a bad childhood but don't want to remember and are hiding it.
 
You need to help him to move on, he clearly is having a very very hard time with his childhood still and is having a really tough time moving on. He probably doesn't deliberatly get angry at you, it just still hurts him. It's not a lost cause, but it is something you both need to want to work on together, if he is not keen to work on it with you, then yes, it could be a lost cause. One of the things that helped my partner move on from his bad family past is telling him that it gave him all the tools to ensure that he can be a wonderful father to his children. His bad childhood can actually help to make his children's lives happy. He will then find joy in this too. I don't know where you are in the relationship, or whether this is appropriate to bring up, but this really helped my partner to move on and do all the things for his children that he wanted growing up.
 
How can we build and bond if he does all the talking and shuts me down when I try to?

>>We are somewhat like you 2 BUT we learned how to vent and relate as friends - not competitors so read some relationship books and learn how to relate, communicate and stay best friends no matter what.

Is this a lost cause?
>> Only if one or both are not willing to relate better!

re: However, he gets so angry when I occasionally mention some of my childhood experiences and tunes me out.
>> Since i am the one with the unhappy childhood, i have noticed that those who had a good childhood sometimes do RUB IT IN MY FACE as a way of either shutting me up or "straightening me out" regarding my bad attitude. It's as if the happy ones refuses to allow me to feel hurt and unhappy - like I have no excuse in their eyes. They want me to shut up and change my attitude SO THEY can feel better!?!? I accept that a bad or pained attitude is no fun but sometimes I just have to talk about it - OR BLOW UP! I've often wondered if those who claim happy childhoods are actually in denial and also had a bad childhood but don't want to remember and are hiding it.
 
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