DESCRIPTIVE ESSAY does my introduction and these statement sound ok or need improvement?

infamoustoya

New member
And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!” Even before birth, I knew my daughter would have a significant influence in life. I’ve always encouraged Brooklyn to be open and expressive about who she is. Some ways she found to express herself- wearing costumes, picking out her own clothes, doing her hair, and painting. " But it wasn’t until now that I realized that my five year olds attempt of independence and expression was all in her favor to entertain herself and make for a good laugh for mommy."

the thesis statement i put in quotes is it effective enough
 
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