Death

K

kZ cutie <3

New member
It surrounds me. I sound goth, please cut my wrist for me now.

I thought it would be a good idea to start searching for people I grew up with, you know after everything that's happened some good old friends would be a nice pillow to lay my head on in this new life I've made for myself.

I have found at least ten people, but I've also found out that a few people that I wish I hadn't lost contact with have passed away, including an ex I cared for a great deal and had been actively looking for, for a few years now.

3 people have passed away since I wandered off, 4 people passed away in 2005 that almost broke me, 3 people passed away in 1998 and the most important one to me above all lost his life when I was 14.

The older I get, the more people are going to die. The more it becomes a slap in the face that I will really never see them again. And Ive been crying a bit. I wonder more and more about the afterlife, not in a sense of "will I be ok" but more of "will I meet them somewhere else some day" type of thoughts, and I think the answer is no, and it makes me more sad. :sad:
 
I've thought about it, like seriously but then I start thinking about fucking with the balance of life, you know like the wheels of fate. What if I save a child molester that hasn't been caught yet? What if I save the guy who goes home to beat his wife? Who am I to judge one person's worth over another's anyways?

I think my spirit is breaking.
 
You don't decide worth, that's the point. You save everyone you possibly can, regardless of what they've done or will do. Just have faith that they'll get what's coming to them, and if anything be relieved that it's not you that has to decide what that is.
 
Buck up buttercup. There's no sense in worrying your pretty little head about things that are outside of your control. Focus on what you can control and what makes you happy. Please. ;)
 
You shouldn't think about how everyone is going to die someday. Then you can't focus in living. I didn't live for about a year after my dad died. I just thought whats the use? we all die.

It's that you can't control it that makes you feel bad. You just should focus on living in the minute, never leave a person with hatred, because you never know.

I personally believe in that everyone is born again until nirvana. It helps for me, before just after my dad died I had this hatred for "god" why he could take such a good father. But some things just happen, you can never control it, only learn to live and let live :hug2:
 
Saying brighten up and look at all the things life has to offer really sounds like shit when you're going through it. People react differently too. I've had my numb moments, the emo thoughts, the party until it doesn't hurt or I feel something nights too. With time, I'm finally at a point where I can sigh with a heavy heart at the loss, but I know that that dwelling on that won't change anything.

So do something to release your feelings. If you paint, put it on a canvas. If you cook, then make something they would have liked as a means of celebration. Just doing anything, even crying when you need to, helps.

Cheer up! :hug2:
 
thanks HQ :) I cried a while last night, crying is hard for me to do lately...But I did, I cried a bit this morning as well. I think I am better now. I guess a part of me is thinking "When does it stop" I mean, when it rains it pours and I'm being flooded the fuck out.
 
I'm pretty sure you'll cry again, because unlike a faucet we can't turn our emotions on and off at will. I mean even Dexter can't and he's a sociopath. Even when you're done and you say you won't/can't cry anymore something will trigger you and usually when you least expect it. It's best just to let it out. :)
 
This is from Sorsha :hug2:


Nothing in life is better than a baby hug. Well, maybe a baby's laugh. But she's not quite there yet.
 
Why are you dwelling on the past? Is there any point in it. Next thing you know you will be going though the telephone directory crossing off people like an obituary. Crazy is calling you!

Look at now and the future, that's where you live.
 
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