Day 8

[musicman3]

Hi Everyone..

I am not having a good day today. I am full of anxiety and still having a very difficult time keeping food and liquiRAB down. I have zero appetite.

My father has to have an angiogram on Wednesday and a possible stent placed in. Now normally this is routine, however...Ironically, 9 days into opiate free last August, the same thing happened. He ended up with a staph infection in his blood. He spent one month in the hospital and then another 40 days of visits every day to the hospital for IV infusions. Needless to say, my stress level right now is beyond sky high, especially as we approach the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death. The good news is, it doesn't give me a craving to use at all. I have no desire, but this lack of nourishment is making me sick. I truly look awful. I am pasty, with dark circles under my eyes, and I know I have lost weight.

I just want to get my health up so I can feel stronger but I am in this rut which is fueling the anxiety. I am going to have to take the ativan for a few days. I feel if I don't, I will have a stroke. I know one of the advantages of ativan is it helps nausea and allows people to eat. As I said, I have NEVER had an affinity for benzos and have been on them sparingly over the past 15 years so I do not feel that I am replacing one drug for another. I just think the pros outweight the cons at the moment. I am taking it per needed, I am not taking it every four hours or etc.

 

[emsmom]

Hey Music,

Sorry you are not having a good day. That must make you feel somewhat discouraged, eh?

Go to the grocery store today and pick up some Ensure or Boost (I think Ensure tastes better). It will give you the necessary calories your body neeRAB, without you having to force down food. Ensure is a complete meal replacement. Just be careful you don't use it as a replacement for longer than you need. Every couple days, try eating something solid to see if your appetite has come back.

That is very ironic, regarding day 9 for you. Don't assume history will repeat itself though - that's negative thinking. You have to stay positive, Music.

Regarding the benzo's - I too, have never abused benzo's. They've never really done anything for me. To this day, I still don't understand the addictive part of it. I've had Ativan and Xanax and just ended up passing out from them. It's great that you're vigilante about the potential dangers of addiction, however I don't think you're going to encounter any problems with the Ativan. On the contrary, keep doing what you're doing cause it never hurts to be informed, especially regarding a drug that has proven to be addictive.

Congratulations on Day 8. You may be feeling crummy today, but you're still on Day 8, right? That is something to be proud of

I hope your day gets better,
emsmom