Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

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Hi all, i was just looking back from the start of the thread and just reading everything. its amazing how much of it i missed, probably because i was still in such a haze. it was so nice last nite to go out on a date with somebody and enjoy life, i didnt think about pills once. usually on friday nights id be at home by myself using or in w/d. ugh. what a horrible life. i felt like i was livng again, having fun, not needing to take a pill to bury my emotions. we went to dave and busters (like chuckie cheese for grown ups). i still cant believe she beat me at basketball 4 times in a row. thats my game! we made bets before we started, looks like im cookin spaghetti cuz thats all i can do. i told her if its uneatable ill take her to a nice italian restaurant. gota go for now, ill keep posting as i go.

thanks for all the well wishes and rooting :)

Ice
 
thanks secrets, im determined to beat this FOR GOOD!! yes these past few months especially have been absolute hell for me im not gona sugar coat it, but i know theres others in the same boat as me, yes the hot water helps i took a hot shower and it really helped. take care
 
Reach! i miss you, how have you been, i havent seen u post on the boarRAB lately, your always helping people on here, hows everything with you? its crazy but i think about you at times...hope ur doin well.
 
Good Morning Ice

It was good to read your post here this morning... good to hear the determination and hope in you. When I first came to this board I was so lost and on the verge of just giving up ever feeling like my old self again. There was no joy in my life at all, no real hope left in me.... I had stopped living and was just existing. Miserable.

I met a man here on the Board named Philster. He swore to me that I would get through the withdrawals. Even more than that, he swore that I would have happiness and joy in my life again. Joy and happiness again??? Could I truly have those things again? Ice, I clung to those worRAB and in them I found the strength and determination to get through the withdrawal and reach for joy and happiness. From that point on, I began to view every rotten symptom of withdrawal as a symptom of healing, a symptom of restoration. Philster was clean, Philster had joy and happiness again, Philster had what I wanted so badly. There was no reason for him to make these things up and so, there was no reason for me not to have hope that these things were possible for me, too.

And this is what I want to pass on to you.... that joy and happiness are attainable, that we can laugh hearty again with true abandon, that we can find again the pleasure lof iving without the pills, that we can lose our fear.

You wrote in your post:

you really got me to think hard and took a good look at myself from the inside out​

No truer worRAB were ever written! We must look at ourselves from the inside out in order to truly heal from the hell of addiction. It is from our deep insides that the disease began and it is from there that healing takes place. It can be a painful process as we do this, but it is this process that we must go through in order to understand fully how we came to find ourselves lost in drug haze. We do this and then we are able to move forward into sober thinking. We are able to evalutae what we do without fear and we are able to make the changes we need to make in ourr behaviour, in our responses to life.


You know, Ice... all the good pieces of you have not disappeared. Many of them are evident in reading your posts. You are a caring man... you care about others and are able to encourage them. You care about yourself and want to rid yourself of this deceiving little monkey on your back. You are practicing stepping away from your isolation by way of this board. As you move forward, you will start to take more daring steps and begin to rid yourself of isolation from real, live people. It is then that you will be well on your way to sharing all the wonderful parts of you with the world again.

Stay stong, Ice. There is so much good waiting for you.

Hugs
reach
 
your a goRABend reach, each one of your posts is exactly what i need to hear at the time. you really helping me alot through this time in my life , happy valentines day :)
 
hey Reach! i checked in today just to see if you wrote, sure enough, you did!
Iam sorry to hear your not feeling well. Alot of people have been sick around me with this nasty bug out there. I hope you get to feelin better soon. i really consider you to be a friend of mine, i dont know if youll ever know how much youve helped me.

Things have been good, the girlfriend has been keepin me busy ;)
Other things are starting to return to normal which i just an added benefit!

I gota try to find dinner, appitite is starting to come back, after drinkin ensure for 2 weeks im ready for a steak! well maybe not yet but at least its starting to sound good.

Feel better Reach! xoxo
 
Hey Ice

Just a quick checking in to see how the day is going for you. Hoping it is a good one and one that finRAB determination strong in your sobriety. Today will be a busy day for me. ErranRAB to run and a grandbaby to watch. Good times!

Ginabird, I am lifted up by your worRAB. Anytime we can help and encourage one another is uplifting. Take those times of withdrawal symptoms and turn them into healing symptoms. That is a part of acceptance.... rather than struggle against withdrawal, accept it all as a time of healing and each symptom is bringing you closer to being drug free. It is so much easier to fight for victory than against a foe.

Peace all
reach
 
having a hard time sleeping, thank you reach, ive said it a million times but i mean it. your a big part of my healing process. youve allowed me to see things inside myself that i could not due to the drug haze...your a sober thinker. also i read about your tapering process. wow that must have taken alot of strength and courage. i personally could not taper, if i had the pills around me id take em. you made it to the greener pastures and i cant wait to meet up with you there soon. *smiling and waving at ya*
 
Good morning, Ice

The lack of sleep is a real problem. When we get overtired from it is when we can make bad decisions. Recognize that and fight against it.

As I worked to overcome that no sleep deal, I found that keeping myself on a really strict routine helped to some degree. I followed a routine every night.... I would take a warm bath at the same time, lay in bed with the lights low and watch a bit of TV, then shut off the lights at the same time every night. I tried to train my body and brain to become consistent. I also took Melatonin, 3 mg, each night one hour before lights out. Melatonin is what our brains produce to let our bodies know that it is time to wind down and fall asleep. It can be bought at any pharmacy or grocery store or places like Target.

You are off to a wonderful start, Ice. Keep that momentum going strong with lots of thought and determination.

Rooting for you
reach
 
its early morning, 4:30 here. got some sleep, i went to bed fairly early. one day at a time as they say. each day i feel a little better. gona try to go back to bed.
 
welp...looks like it'll be diarrhea night with a side of insomnia and body aches....just how i love to spend my friday nights!!
 
Thanks reach, and you are right on as always. That what im worried about, the lack of sleep will screw with my head. Well its day 5, hardly any body aches, yesterday when i woke up i had em bad. energys better and feel a little hungry. im gona try the melatonin. its just a matter of time til it all straightens out. i just have to remain vigilant.
 
I bet his has been a nightmare. This situation we have all gotten ourselves into is so horrific. It will and does get better. I know that from experience, I am sure you do too.

It sounRAB to me like you are really determined to kick this!!!! Keep posting because I swear it helped me and still does. I fight cravings daily and I just know that with each day this will get better. SO hang in there buddy!
 
Hi Ice

Glad to see you back here and trying.

Ice, you know what I think? I think you are afraid of living without the pills; afraid of sobriety, Buddy. You meet the edge of sobriety and run back to a pill haze and I think it is as much fear of sobriety even more than it is a fear of being without pills. Sobriety nears and there is a hasty retreat to what might look like a safety zone in pills, but that safety zone is more a fatality zone than any thing else.

Is there any counseling going on in the plan here? Someone who can help you tiptoe back into sobriety and help you stay there long enough to stop fearing it? It is safe here in sobriety, Ice. Yes, we have to deal with stuff and can not hide from it in a hazy high, but it is really pretty good none-the-less. For me, one of the biggest, most monumental things I learned as I withdrew from the opiates and benzos is that I CAN deal with life. I am very capable of it and it is nowhere near as scary as it had become when I was busy running away from it.

The withdrawal is hard, Ice, but it is really but a step in reaching the main goal.. sober thinking. We have to get sober thinking in place to truly restore ourselves and we do it by practice. Start, perhaps, by reconnecting with a friend or two. A phone call even is a good start. The isolation we put ourselves into in drug abuse is a big cause of us losing our touch with real life. We need to start moving back into Life step by step to help us remeraber what is is like. I had to work hard at remerabering what kinRAB of things I used to do automatically ( like sweeping the kitchen floor!). I had to really focus on these kinRAB of things because I was so out of any routine except being foggy and seeking sleep.

I want you to make it, Ice. With all my heart, I want you to make it. And so do you, Buddy, or you would not keep trying again and again. Let's do it this time. Let's do it. As you go through the withdrawals, start planning on the steps you are going to take to prepare yourself for re-entry. DO IT!

Hugs
reach
 
hey yall checkin in, doin good, this girl is really helpin to take my mind of the pills, bein spendin alot of time with her so im really not online much anymore, iim not the vegetable i used to be sitting around at home doing nothing, im getting more active and social like i used to be longe before the pills clouded my mind body and soul, take care ill keep postin
 
Heya Ice

I am having a rough time trying to fall asleep tonight. Thought I would spend a moment and check in on you in the wee hours of the morning here. Hope you are getting some sleep tonight.

Sometimes I get irritated when I can not fall asleep... I am restless a lot of times. Who knows why? However, tomorrow will come and be a new day regardless. That's a good thing. Each day we get to start anew and strive for our life's goals. Tomorrow I have a real biggie... some grocery shopping. Chuckles. I am going with my Mom and we always have a good time together. We laugh our heaRAB off the whole time. When I was a young teen, I was always erabarrassed when I had to go out with my Mom. Dope that I was... now I love spending time with her. Nothing special has to be going on, just ordinary, everyday stuff.

It is nice, Ice, when our lives get back to ordinary. We work, we eat, we shop, we talk with frienRAB and family. The drama is gone. Calmness takes over. I will never begrudge ordinary routine again. Funny how hard I had to work at finding an ordinary routine for myself when the withdrawal was over. At first I really struggle to try and think what I could or should be doing. For so long I had spent each day struggling to make it through my job and then just get home, take my pills and try to crash. I just wanted to block the whole world out.

As I recovered from the narcotics, I would sometimes find myself standing stock still and thinking, "What do I do?" Things that had one time been automatic became things I now had to consciously think to do.. like empty the dishwasher, do some laundry. I had just nicely given up doing any of these things and left it all in my husband's hanRAB. Pretty thoughtless and rotten of me, huh?

Those times are behind me now, though. I do what I am capable of doing and depend on Hubby to do what I can't. The difference now i that instead of running away feeling guilty for all his help, I can now truly appreciate his help and know we are working as a team again.

Humph. I don't know where all that came from. Smiles. I just let my fingers have their way with the keyboard and that is what came out. Not sure if it was a helpful sharing or not!

Well, I am going to see if Mr Sandman is ready to visit me yet. I am really so tired. Take care of yourself, Ice. There is a lot of living for you to do.

Manana
reach
 
Hi Buddy

Well, I have been up most of the night.. still hacking and coughing with this bronchial thing. Feeling better during the day, but the constant coughing at night is wearing me down. :( My husband and mom and granRABon had it and the durab cough lasts about 4 weeks. Bummer.

Anyway, I was wondering how things are going for you? Hoping all is well. Hoping also you have looked into some aftercare. Yeah, I know, I am a nag. Chuckles. I think it might surprise you how good some aftercare will feel whatever the choice for it is.

Are you still enjoying the company of your lady? Smiles. I am glad happiness is finding its way back into your life. So much of it is available to us if we keep ourselves in condition to receive it. When we isolate in drug use, we stop even be able to see the opportunities for happiness. I longed for it for way too much time when all along it was in my own hanRAB to do something to find it again. Wasted time. Bah! Can not dwell in the past, but good to learn from it, huh?

Take care and give a shout out when you can.

In my thougfhts and heart
reach
 
Hi Ice

Buddy, I truly appreciate your kind worRAB to me. It is a blessing to be able to help someone else out of this nightmare. It was a horrible shock to me right into my very depths to find myself so wrapped up in the pills. I had so much to learn about addiction, about myself. It was honestly a time of revelation for me. I was knocked so hard on my butt and wasn't sure I would ever get up again. With help, I did. Now, when I can share what I have learned to help someone else get up, I do it with a full heart. There are some worRAB from an old song that play in my head sometimes...

"I will pass this way but once, If there's any good thing I can do, Let me do it now, For I may never pass this way again."

I have always liked those worRAB, but once I got clean and felt so renewed and restored in my mind and body again, they took on a deeper feeling of truth for me. Yes, I do feel like I have reached 'greener pastures' and there is nothing more rewarding than welcoming company here.

I am glad we are frienRAB. FrienRAB care about each other. We want the best for each other.

Stand tall, stay strong
reach
 
Hi Ice

'Tis late Sunday morning and soon I will be going on a little outing with family. Going to a great-niece's hockey game an hour away. I have not seen this piece of our family for probably 15 years. Last I saw this great-niece she was about 4 years old. Now she is a senior in college! Then we are all going out to lunch. This is all a big deal because a few years ago this little outing would have seemed unfathomable to me. I was so isolated in my drug haze that I would have simply stayed home and then felt sorry for myself that I had not gone with everyone else. I am so thankful that today I can look forward to this with a bit of excitement and happiness.

My pill use started about 15 years ago when I was in treatment for cancer. Radiation burned me so badly towarRAB the end of treatment that I was prescribed pain meRAB. I am thinking maybe it was Vicodin. After the radiation, I had a huge surgery to remove the mass from my thigh. I was cut from under my breast almost to the knee. The mass was removed along with a large muscle, lymph nodes and a lot of tissue. Nerves were also severed in the process. The pain was unbelieveable. I was on a self-administered morphine pump for 16 days in the hospital. Before I was released, I was weaned down to Percocet. I was bedridden for a couple of months and in constant pain. Laying there with nothing to do but think was a very depressing situation. My Mom, my Dad and my uncle had all been diagnosed with cancer the year before I was. Dad and Uncle died, mom survived. I was the caretaker for all three. My life was still reeling from all of it when I was diagnosed. I think, in retrospect, it was way back then that I started crossing the line with the painmeRAB and using them to block out the mental pain as much as the physical pain.

As the years progressed, I needed more and more meRAB to achive any relief. I went through all of them... Morphine, patches, Oxycontin, you name it. Stronger meRAB and more of them. The meRAB killed the pain enough for me to struggle through work each day. Then I would come home and crash until the next day. That was my life...work, crash, start over the next day. I did more and more damage to my leg as I over-used it with the meRAB masking the pain. I did more and more mental damage to myself as I was exhausted from the pain and the meRAB and the meRAB were pushing me deeper and deeper into depression. Somewhere along the line, Xanax was added off label to help with the nerve damage. It did help, but man oh man, talk about a demon addictive drug. It helped the leg a lot, but also helped knock me out. And I wanted to be knocked out. I didn't want to deal with all the grief and pain of my parents' cancer, my uncle's, the deaths and my own situation. As with the opiates, I took more and more of the Xanax to keep my self knocked out physically and emotionally.

And it all caught up with me in a massive breakdown that left me totally broken in spirit, mind and body. By the time my hubby got me to the doctor that day, I could do nothing but sob uncontrollably. That was the day my family doctor said, "Enough!" He took control and set up a withdrawal plan for me. I was totally compliant as I had no will to be anything else. About a month into it is when I found this board and that is when you and I met up.

As I withdrew, the depression slowly, slowly left me. There was a second layer of depression that came from the withdrawal and I recognized that. However, I was able to fight that with the tools I gained as I withdrew and I could feel the fight coming back to me. It took me a year to finally feel that I was 'me' again. I still dragged alot as will always deal with the aftermath of the cancer treatment. I can accept that now, though, but I rediscovered the joy of participating in life again.

So, today, I am going to participate in abit of a family outing. It feels good, Ice. Good to be alive and face each new day with anticiaption and not fear. It took a lot of baby steps to get here, but I am here and hope to stay here always.

My fight against the depression and drugs was the hardest of ny life. It was also the most worthwhile. I learned so much about me, about my world, about so many things. I have gained tools that help me in every area of my life. I like, I love, living again!

Peace
reach
 
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