Day #1 no vicodin. HELP!

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mustanggirl

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I have been taking vicodin for 3 years. I started with 2 pills once a day and I am now taking up to 10 pills daily. I started taking it originally for back pain. I still have the back pain, but I know I am also taking the pills to get a high. I am so sick of the dependance. I have a great husband and 2 kiRAB. And I just told my husband yesterday about my vicodin habbit. He is very understanding. Today I stopped cold turkey. A bottle of vicodin is just a phone call away for me and this is so hard! I am achey, sneezing, I have nausea, diarrhea, and my back hurts so bad I wish I could cut my spine out! I don't know if I can do this! I took 2 imodium, a 500mg naproxen and 2 tylenol. I really need some encouragement!
 
Thank you! How long have you been off of the vicodin? I wish I did have something to help me with the craving part. The only reason I don't is because my Dr. (the one who has mainly been prescribing the vicodin) was my boss for the last 3 years. It is a small Dr office and I don't want anyone to know about my addiction. I quit my job and moved out of state to get away from this. Since I have been in my new home, I've called him twice and he calls in the vicodin. So its just such a crappy situation for me. Its so easy for me to get. I don't know what to do. If these cravings don't go away soon I may just have to find another Dr. But I would really rather do this on my own. How long do you think the cravings will last? I found myself today rooting through cabinets! I hate this! I can deal with the physical part but this mental stuff is getting to me!
 
Made it through yet another day yesterday. Thinking nonstop about pain pills. Not even just vicodin anymore. I'm thinking about whatever I can get my hanRAB on! I dug through old purses, coat pockets, bathroom cabinets and drawers. Hoping to find something. Still haven't gone for that refill. The only thing stoppig me is my husband! He is monitoring my money very closely. If it wasn't for that I would have gotten it! I thought every day was gonna get better. Why do I feel so crappy today?!?!?! My back and neck hurt, my throat hurts, my head is cloudy, I just generally feel blah. And please someone tell me, are the cravings EVER going to go away?
 
mustanggirl,

Congrats on Day#3! You've got a great attitude. I found that in early recovery keeping busy is the best thing to do. It's not always easy, but keeping your mind and body occupied can really help with the cravings.

It's wonderful that your husband is there for you. My husband has been so supportive right from the day he found out about my pill problem. He said he just wanted ME back. I think your guy has the right idea, pick up those pills and have you flush them. Don't think about the "what if". If you feel you really need them in the future for legitimate pain, get a new doc or maybe even pain management.

Have you thought about attending NA meetings? I was reluctant to go at first, but it really helps to hear from others that have similar problems and a place to share how you're feeling.
I haven't put a mind or mood altering substance in my body for over 17 months. I can't believe it's been that long. It hasn't always been easy, but that's life. You have to enjoy it, one day at a time.
I'll be watching for your posts. Let everyone here know how you're doing. This is wonderful place for support. Take care. You can do this!

Kitty
 
mustanggirl,
Hope you were able to get some rest last night. Please don't give up! You will start to feel good again. It takes time for the body and mind to return to normal after you stop using.
And don't worry about the kiRAB right now. You have to do this for you so you can be there for them. You're not a terrible mom. I think it's great that you have the courage and strenght to attempt what you're doing. It's not easy to quit on your own. I tried many times and was not successful. My husband had me go to detox for a week, then an Intensive Outpatient Program for 3 weeks. He was very supportive and still is.
Well, I have to get ready for work. I just wanted to say Good Morning and hang in there. Day 5 will hopefully be a good day for you.:)
You're in my thoughts and prayers,
Kitty
 
Mustanggirl - I feel for you and what you are going through but please stay strong. You should be proud of yourself for recognizing that you are using your pain meRAB to get high. However, as a recovering addict (almost 8 years clean), I hope you speak to your doctor about this. If you truly want to kick this addiction, it starts with honesty. And you might need medical help to get through your withdrawals and your legitimate back pain.

While going through rehab, I had a no-nonsense counselor who told us like it is. So, I'm going to tell you what she used to tell us - it sucks to be you right now and you have a long way to go until you are completely well. But you WILL get well and you can beat your addiction - one day at a time. At times, you will have to struggle to get through the next five minutes, and then the next five, and so on. But I know if you stay strong, pray like crazy, and have the support of your husband, you will beat this. The best advice I can give you is to get through one day at a time and talk about what you are going through. Keep a journal and write in it every day.

I will keep you in my prayers and I know you will be successful!! I'll be watching for other posts from you to see how you are doing. You could always post here with your progress, I'm excited that tomorrow will be day two for you. You go girl!!
 
First off..YOU CAN DO IT!!!! I have been off of them for about 8 months. Thats amazing your dr can still call a narcotic into another state?? So why did you call him when you got there if the whole point behind you getting away from there was to not have it? As for myself, the addictive personality I have, I think cravings will always be there in away. But the begining hard part of them type of cravings lasted 2-3 weeks for me. STAY OUTTA THE CABINETS!!! lol You have to keep busy so your mind is accupied and not thinking of them lil demons!! Yes it is very hard but YOU CAN get through it!! Keep up with doing it on your own if you can, and if you need medical help, then just be honest and tell them everything and they will do whats right and best for you!! Keep posting and vent whenever, however, and how ever long you need to type away!!:D

Later,Sue
 
Kitty, I just want you to know that you are giving me so much encouragement and strength right now. It really means a lot to have someone in my corner who understanRAB and is not judging me. I am feeling much better tonight. My cravings have really dwindled. My back still hurts like heck. I think I'm going to look into a yoga class or maybe even acupuntcure. At least it would keep me occupied. I'm finding the more I am doing the less I dwell on it. I even made candy apples with my kiRAB tonight and just sat and talked with them. I haven't done that in a long time. I am absolutely thinking of an outpatient program. I know I need counseling. I found a center today, and had the nuraber dialed but for some reason it freaked me out and I hung up. I don't know why it scares me. Maybe its admitting that I'm an addict. And it helps to hear that flushing those vicodin doesn't mean I'll never get them again if I need them. Once I read that, I realized thats part of my issue. I'm scared I'm gonna have a big sign on my chart that says NO NARCOTICS! And since I'm scared to death of major pain that freaks me out. I am seeing a different Dr on friday. I moved out of state (mostly to get away from the easy access to pills). I was thinking maybe I should take my husband with me so he can keep me in check. I am a little nervous that I won't say no if they are offered to me. This is so weird, I know everything I need to do, but there is still a part of me that won't allow myself to just give in and do it! Anyway, again thanks for listening to everyone! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!
 
Congrats on one more day! Hang in there. That wonderful husband and your 2 kiRAB need you. It does get easier, and the cravings will fade, all in due time. Have you thought about going to an NA meeting? I find it helps.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. :angel:

Kitty
 
OMG! It scares me so much to think about ME flushing them! It probably is the best thing I could do right now, but it is really scarey to think about. I have thought about meetings. I live in such a small town now and I'm not sure where exactly to start. I know I need the support of others though. 17 months is awesome! I really can't wait to get there! If I can just beat the cravings I think I'll be okay. They sure are getting to me :( Thank you for your support! I will keep posting.
 
Day #5! I was able to get some much needed sleep last night. I woke up this morning, felt great, was showered and ready to go before the kiRAB even woke up. My mood is quickly changing. My back is starting to ache and the cravings are starting to kick in again. My husband wants to me to an inpatient rehab. I really don't want to. I definitely need some counseling, but I just moved, have 2 kiRAB, and starting a new job in October. I don't see how I could fit a 6 week inpatient rehab into that! I think he is starting to get a little frustrated. I'm fighting harder than I ever have in my life! This is worse than labor!!!!! Kitty, thanks so much for the encouraging worRAB! I am so thankful for the support!
 
Thank you so much for the advice and the prayer. I need it so bad right now! I made it through the entire day yesterday. I was in so much pain yesterday and last night, I didn't think I'd make it. I took an arabien last night and slept really well. In fact, I slept from about 6:30 last evening until 6:30 this morning. Besides waking up a few times with hot flashes, I slept pretty good. I can't believe how good I felt this morning. My back doesn't hurt as bad as it did yesterday, but my hanRAB are shaking, my mouth tastes like I swallowed a cotton ball, and I'm freezing! And I think the worst thing of all is I can't stop thinking about taking vicodin! I am trying to keep myself busy, but its driving me crazy! I know what you are saying too about telling my Dr. That situation is kind of sticky. I worked with my Dr for the past 3 years. I went to him with my back issue and he put me on the vicodin. Ever since that he has just been handing me scripts. I quit my job and moved 5 hours away! I have been where I am now for only a month. I have called him twice for the vicodin and he calls it in for me. I know him personally so well and I'm afraid to tell him about my addiction problem. And honestly, he has to know. I mean, he has been handing me scripts for so long. I really don't think he cares. There is also a part of me that thinks "what if I need it again some day" I know that is so not the way I should be thinking, but I can't help it. I'm trying so hard to overcome these thoughts that I need pain medication. I feel like my body is adjusting, but my brain isn't there yet. Are these thoughts ever going to go away?!?!?!?!?!?!?
 
Hey ya'll! Day 6! I'm still kickin! I slept really good last night. Woke up early again, had myself together before the kiRAB got up. I must say, it is definitely a struggle to get up early and be ready so early, but it does feel pretty good. Less than a week ago, I didn't think I could move in the morning until I took 4 vicodin. Mentally I feel like I'm getting back in the game. I am trying really hard to keep a positive attitude. I think I'm doing good! I still have the thoughts of getting more vicodin, but they are getting less and less and definitely easier to deal with. I do wonder what would help with my back pain though. I have been taking naproxen and tylenol, but they don't really do much. I am sitting right now with a heat pack and that seams to help some. But I can't do it all day. Any suggestions? Thanks everyone for listening!!!
 
Thanks Sue! I so appreciate your encouragement! This is the only place I'm finding I can really vent and get some good advice. Well, I moved for other reasons as well, but the main reason was to get away from the easy access to vicodin. Unfortunately I gave in when I got here and didn't think I could do it. So I had him call it in for me. The second time I went to pick it up at the pharmacy, the pharmacist gave me a lecture about how much I was taking. And I could tell what they thought of me. I became a seeker! So I said I was done. I still have a script sitting at the pharmacy and I am trying so hard to stay strong and not even think about picking it up! My husband said maybe he should pick it up and flush them. But that one part of my brain is telling me to keep it "just in case" So durab, I know. But I am on day 3 and physically I feel great.
 
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the prayer and encouragement! You are so right, my family neeRAB me. I did do some research on NA meetings today. I found one about 20 minutes away on Wednesday night. I think I'm going to try it. I just hope I don't see anyone I know. I don't think that would be very good for me. If people saw me there and then saw me at work I think I'd be screwed!
 
Coming to the end of day 4. I could just give up. I honestly don't know if I can go through with this. This afternoon has been horrible. I'm still searching for a high. Not even a high, I just want to feel good. I took an arabien and slept for a few hours, now I'm up again. I just can't wait until this day is over. But why? To do it again tomorrow? I hate this :( I'm such a terrible mom. I don't even have the energy to spend time with my kiRAB. I'm super emotional. And I hurt. EVERYWHERE!
 
I have been reading your posting and I wanted to comment. I have been clean for over five years but I did go through exactly what you are going through. This site saved me, I think. I posted all the time. It was a huge source of support for me.

I wanted to tell you that if you don't get rid of that script at the drugstore, you will eventually give in and go get it. By not letting your husband get them and flush them, you are leaving yourself and out (and you know that too, in your secret heart, don't you?)

What you are doing is the hardest thing in the world and I am amazed at how well you are doing. Please don't think that I am raining on your parade. . . I am really proud of anyone that can do what you've done. I'm just telling you exactly how it is. You need to do that with yourself as well, in order to stay clean from those pills.

Are your legs hurting really bad at night? Are you sleeping or having insomnia? I am wondering if you are having the same symptoms I had. It sounRAB like you may have a smaller addiction than I did and the "kick" is more mental for you. Although that is just as hard, if not harder.

Now, for your own good, call your hubby and ask him to get rid of those pills, OK? It is the best thing, really.

I AM on your side!
Walkersma
 
mustanggirl,
Way to go! It does get easier everyday. I think you have a great attitude and you really want to do this. I look forward to your posts, it kinda reminRAB me where I came from. Even though I have some clean time, I will never forget the early days in my recovery. I know exactly what you're going through.
I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you about the back pain. I guess you'll have to wait to see the doc on Friday. Keep up with the heat paks. Have you thought about Therma care heat paRAB? You can wear them all day.
I think you have the right idea about having your husband go with you to your appt on Friday. If that will help you stay away from the vicodin, then that's what you need to do.
Congrats on day #6, stay strong!

kitty
 
I have 2 kiRAB. And they are keeping me busy! And again, my husband has been awesome. I'm doing as much as I can to occupy myself. This is so hard! I'm determined to get better though. I can't believe how evil narcotics can be! I have a 1969 fastback. Its my baby!
 
5 years! I am struggling with 5 days! How did you get there? On your own, or rehab? I know having that refill is an out for me. Its funny, every time I go to pick up the phone to call it in, someone or something stops me. Either someone is replying to me on this site, or today I went to pick up the phone and my hubby walked through the door. I know its a sign that I need to just get rid of them. I guess having them there is a little security for me. Like, just in case I can't do this or something. I know it is stupid, and I probably can't fully recover until I do it. I don't feel like you are raining on my parade. I know you are just being real with me and I obviously need that right now. I'll try really hard to get the courage and strength to ask my husband to get rid of them. I do have insomnia. I've had it for years. I take arabien at night to sleep. I have been on that for 3 years. Yet another thing I know I need to stop. But one thing at a time. My legs don't hurt. They did the first couple of nights. My upper back is killing me though. I seriously wish I could just cut my spine out! I did notice today that my cravings weren't so bad. I made a Dr appointment for Friday. I made it so that I can get something for my back that isn't a narcotic. I figured if I made it later in the week I might be feeling better and wouldn't be tempted to ask for vicodin. Do you think that is okay? Thanks so much for the encouragement!
 
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