C
cberg
Guest
Holly keep it up - life does get better and better
Sweet
Or
Bitter
Everything's
Real
Sweet
Or
Bitter
Everything's
Real
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milksnake
Guest
"Then I came to grips with the fact that, to be honest, it was a lot of fun to be high. Particularly young, reckless, high, and having had very few negative consequences at the time. And once I'd sat with that feeling for a while, I realized that it's all a big lie. Not one single thing that had happened during that time - no matter how fun and wild and awesome it seemed - NONE of it was real! I did not experience any of that as me. It was a chemical, not me. Not my true self."
And the truth has been spoken.......very well said holly
And the truth has been spoken.......very well said holly
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56789
Guest
glad to here your doing well holy day one not to bad .by day four yes. just dont forget where you came from .you may think that feeling to good is not possible. have you heared of the pink cloud stage ,be careful that wheres off. then theres this thing called life. put your recovery first . you seem pretty smart but sometimes we us addicts are to smart you know what i meen, i learned how to stay sober but for the grace of god 1 day at a time . thanks for your help:wave:
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holly74
Guest
56789 - Glad you stuck around. We need the support wherever we can get it! It's funny how you feel like you're receiving so much support and help here, but inevitably your journey is helping someone else, as well.
I slept fairly well last night, which was a gift. I had a pretty hard time getting to sleep because of the body aches, but once I managed to fall asleep I stayed that way until this morning.
I have to run, but keep staying strong. The first couple of days feel so long and difficult, but the good stuff starts to return so quickly after that. And nothing feels better than finally having some self-control again. You'll be so proud of yourself.
Holly
I slept fairly well last night, which was a gift. I had a pretty hard time getting to sleep because of the body aches, but once I managed to fall asleep I stayed that way until this morning.
I have to run, but keep staying strong. The first couple of days feel so long and difficult, but the good stuff starts to return so quickly after that. And nothing feels better than finally having some self-control again. You'll be so proud of yourself.
Holly
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holly74
Guest
I can only write for a brief moment, but I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for how much you helped me yesterday and this morning. I am very pleased to announce that (so far) my WRAB are so much milder than yesterday and I have a very positive outlook for the day. For Day 2! Having conquered yesterday is the really huge wall for me, so the fact that I'm sitting here this morning, in one piece, feeling a bit of relief and a great deal of pride is just awesome. I truly would not have been able to do it without you guys - THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart.
Will update later and my thoughts will be with those of you who are struggling.
Holly
Will update later and my thoughts will be with those of you who are struggling.
Holly
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holly74
Guest
Hi everybody. I posted here back in Septeraber as I was struggling to stop using hydrocodone. I was not particularly successful then, despite feeling like my heart and head were really in the right place. I gave it another go in Deceraber and did well for about a week. But as we returned home from a Christmas trip, I found myself rationalizing that I needed pain meRAB. So it's been another couple of months of using for me.
Today is my first day clean and it's been relatively easy. I think I tend to build it up in my head and doubt myself a lot. But it's late in the day here and I'm still feeling very positive. I read my first-ever self-help book recently and found that it really spoke to me. My husband and I are doing some real work on our relationship right now and I've realized that our problems are less about us than they are individual issues that we've brought into our relationship. So it's been cathartic to start laying everything out on the table and being honest about my flaws and old wounRAB. I think that's what initiated this confidence in myself, in feeling like I could stop using. I know the work only starts there, but I'm finding that it's really liberating to finally start talking.
This is kind of random, but this morning I was driving to meet our real estate agent (we're buying our first home right now!), and as I was sitting at a red light, I had a thought that occurs to me so often. I wondered if others that struggle with addiction think the same thing. I look at people in the cars around me and I think, "They're not slaves to a bottle of pills." It doesn't matter how many times I've thought that same thought - it still stops me in my tracks every time. I am probably the only one in this little group that woke up this morning and whose first thought was about pills. God, I just want to be free of this enslavement!
OK, that's it. It feels good to get it out. I will continue to gather strength from all of you amazing and ordinary people who continue to tackle this extraordinary battle.
Holly
Today is my first day clean and it's been relatively easy. I think I tend to build it up in my head and doubt myself a lot. But it's late in the day here and I'm still feeling very positive. I read my first-ever self-help book recently and found that it really spoke to me. My husband and I are doing some real work on our relationship right now and I've realized that our problems are less about us than they are individual issues that we've brought into our relationship. So it's been cathartic to start laying everything out on the table and being honest about my flaws and old wounRAB. I think that's what initiated this confidence in myself, in feeling like I could stop using. I know the work only starts there, but I'm finding that it's really liberating to finally start talking.
This is kind of random, but this morning I was driving to meet our real estate agent (we're buying our first home right now!), and as I was sitting at a red light, I had a thought that occurs to me so often. I wondered if others that struggle with addiction think the same thing. I look at people in the cars around me and I think, "They're not slaves to a bottle of pills." It doesn't matter how many times I've thought that same thought - it still stops me in my tracks every time. I am probably the only one in this little group that woke up this morning and whose first thought was about pills. God, I just want to be free of this enslavement!
OK, that's it. It feels good to get it out. I will continue to gather strength from all of you amazing and ordinary people who continue to tackle this extraordinary battle.
Holly
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logalind
Guest
Hey Holly welcome back:
Glad to see you back! it took alot of courage for you to come back and admit this I am so proud of you!!! Good Job!!!! Holly we are all in this together remeraber together we can do this!!! Just for today!! Thats all we have to do. Here is something I like to think about when I feel bad cuz I only have so little time in recovery. I tell myself I want to get the worlRAB record for sobriety which is 24 hours the only way you have more time than me is if you woke up earlier than I did.
You are definitely not alone, we all have that thought why am I chained to this pill bottle I hate it, why am i the only person who wakes up thinking about a fix or a pill. Sweetie your not alone we all have the same disease and it sucks sometimes but recovery is a beautiful thing. We get a new lease on life Yee haww. We never knew life could be so good if we just hang on. Take care thinking of you.
Lori
Glad to see you back! it took alot of courage for you to come back and admit this I am so proud of you!!! Good Job!!!! Holly we are all in this together remeraber together we can do this!!! Just for today!! Thats all we have to do. Here is something I like to think about when I feel bad cuz I only have so little time in recovery. I tell myself I want to get the worlRAB record for sobriety which is 24 hours the only way you have more time than me is if you woke up earlier than I did.
You are definitely not alone, we all have that thought why am I chained to this pill bottle I hate it, why am i the only person who wakes up thinking about a fix or a pill. Sweetie your not alone we all have the same disease and it sucks sometimes but recovery is a beautiful thing. We get a new lease on life Yee haww. We never knew life could be so good if we just hang on. Take care thinking of you.
Lori
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56789
Guest
good for you i am geting off percs from 2 diffrent accidents in the past 8 months. i found after 2 week of the hydro did not relieve my pain . so i moved up . sounRAB like an if you want to stop you will . i sugest outside help besides the forum. if it has only been a few months . sweat it out 2-3 days then its a mental thing. i will be off all together on tuesday as 10 to 20 mg was starting to get at me . an i dont want to move up to oxycontin. some of the storys make me feel good about my situation . i have worked with people that had a 300mg of oxy habbit i cant go there . some explain its like hell . i remeraber1 time about 15 years ago .i was hooked on crack wondered how i was going to get off it . after about 3 months i od went 911 it was the most terrible pain i ever felt it was hell. 10 years later i would stop drinking with outside help 5years sober now an i dont want to blow it. i cant we can just for today you can do it your life depenRAB on it
i will pray for you tonight
i will pray for you tonight
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holly74
Guest
Aha! I knew it wasn't just me!
Trailor, I am laughing to myself right now because, despite having woken up this morning feeling really pretty good, I am finishing up my grocery list now and am DREADING going to the store! It's such a trivial task, but it is remarkable to me how I had begun to rely on the pills to do everything! To start my day, to "perk me up" in the afternoon, to be in a good mood in the evening when my husband would get home from work ...
Anyway, my continued gratitude to all of you. Seriously. I am going to conquer the grocery store now! Baby steps!
Holly
Trailor, I am laughing to myself right now because, despite having woken up this morning feeling really pretty good, I am finishing up my grocery list now and am DREADING going to the store! It's such a trivial task, but it is remarkable to me how I had begun to rely on the pills to do everything! To start my day, to "perk me up" in the afternoon, to be in a good mood in the evening when my husband would get home from work ...
Anyway, my continued gratitude to all of you. Seriously. I am going to conquer the grocery store now! Baby steps!
Holly
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holly74
Guest
Thanks to all for the encouraging worRAB. Milksnake - I'm definitely NOT refilling my prescription. I would just rather not have the option should I be feeling weak somewhere down the line, you know? Sort of like throwing out anything I'd stashed, I just know that I'm not going to be trustworthy for a little while. I definitely am just pushing through. No WD symptoms today, which was good. Emotionally, I'm kind of up and down. Nothing terrible, just suppose I'm not used to feeling anything but nurab and kind of dull-happy. It's nice, though. I find that there are things I do, ways I treat people, activities I'm motivated to partake in now ... that before only came when I was high. I think for a long time I felt like if I couldn't be high, I couldn't be happy, loving, sweet, thoughtful, caring, energetic ... Certainly things aren't perfect, but that's life. And I can't believe how quickly the real happiness comes back. I thought it would take a lot longer for my brain to reset those chemicals that I was artificially providing with the drugs. Lots of nice surprises so far.
56789 - Sorry I haven't been communicating much the past couple of days. Just much more difficult for me to get time with my laptop not working. I'm beginning to experience the lifting of that "pink cloud", realizing that my life is still my life, the days are kind of the same as they used to be. It's fantastic to be clean, but the rest of my life didn't become perfect overnight. I'm good with that, though, because I have been doing some therapy and work on my marriage for a while now. It's all a work in progress, but it feels really good to be taking responsibility for my life, my relationships, my health, etc. I'm glad to hear that your first couple of days haven't been too rough. I have been to a couple of NA meetings, but I'm not sure if that's the route I'll go. I don't know. Maybe I just haven't found the right meeting.
Day Five is nearly over and it was another success! To those who are struggling with Day One or pre-Day One jitters - YOU CAN DO IT! It seems to me that it's the physical part we all fear so much and it really isn't very long. I promise. The mental part is a bit more complex, but feeling physically healthy and proud of yourself make starting that work a lot easier and more inspiring. I feel like an infomercial for some weight loss gimmick: "You, too, can have your life back - in only FIVE SHORT DAYS!" Ha! It's actually pretty true, though ...
Love and good wishes to all of you,
Holly
56789 - Sorry I haven't been communicating much the past couple of days. Just much more difficult for me to get time with my laptop not working. I'm beginning to experience the lifting of that "pink cloud", realizing that my life is still my life, the days are kind of the same as they used to be. It's fantastic to be clean, but the rest of my life didn't become perfect overnight. I'm good with that, though, because I have been doing some therapy and work on my marriage for a while now. It's all a work in progress, but it feels really good to be taking responsibility for my life, my relationships, my health, etc. I'm glad to hear that your first couple of days haven't been too rough. I have been to a couple of NA meetings, but I'm not sure if that's the route I'll go. I don't know. Maybe I just haven't found the right meeting.
Day Five is nearly over and it was another success! To those who are struggling with Day One or pre-Day One jitters - YOU CAN DO IT! It seems to me that it's the physical part we all fear so much and it really isn't very long. I promise. The mental part is a bit more complex, but feeling physically healthy and proud of yourself make starting that work a lot easier and more inspiring. I feel like an infomercial for some weight loss gimmick: "You, too, can have your life back - in only FIVE SHORT DAYS!" Ha! It's actually pretty true, though ...
Love and good wishes to all of you,
Holly
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holly74
Guest
Day Foouuurrr, Day Foooouuuur! *sigh* Today feels great! I was so moody yesterday (and it didn't help that my laptop was kaput, so I couldn't even post).
I'm sure there will still be some bumpy moments here and there, but I know that they'll pass, and that gives me a lot of hope and strength. It feels so good to wake up in the morning and not feel totally beat down. I used to not feel like I was really functioning until I'd had that first pill. I had this really amazing feeling last night, too. I had this brief moment of anxiety and guilt ... and then I realized that I didn't have anything to hide anymore, nothing to be ashamed of. It's unbelievable!
Anyway, we'll see how the day progresses, but I do think I feel pretty good today. Hopefully less grumpy than yesterday! I'm just grateful for the physical WRAB being all but gone and feeling like I'm starting to regain some energy. The sluggishness was making me crazy!
So to those of you who are starting today or thinking about starting one of these days, it really isn't too long before you start getting your life back. Day One sucks. No doubt about it. But Two was better, Three better still, and so far Four feels pretty fantastic. And it feels amazing to be proud of yourself.
Holly
I'm sure there will still be some bumpy moments here and there, but I know that they'll pass, and that gives me a lot of hope and strength. It feels so good to wake up in the morning and not feel totally beat down. I used to not feel like I was really functioning until I'd had that first pill. I had this really amazing feeling last night, too. I had this brief moment of anxiety and guilt ... and then I realized that I didn't have anything to hide anymore, nothing to be ashamed of. It's unbelievable!
Anyway, we'll see how the day progresses, but I do think I feel pretty good today. Hopefully less grumpy than yesterday! I'm just grateful for the physical WRAB being all but gone and feeling like I'm starting to regain some energy. The sluggishness was making me crazy!
So to those of you who are starting today or thinking about starting one of these days, it really isn't too long before you start getting your life back. Day One sucks. No doubt about it. But Two was better, Three better still, and so far Four feels pretty fantastic. And it feels amazing to be proud of yourself.
Holly
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magpie1970
Guest
Hi Holly, it was me who talked about not counting the days after a certain point. I think you are right in taking a break from the boarRAB for awhile and focusing on your life and moving forward.
Sometimes when we are in the throws of addiction, the addiction and DOC is all that we can think of. It is an obsession to read the posts, write about everything, and in some ways it helps us through the wd process or the decision to wd. However, in a way I think that the obsession with the boarRAB and posting is just a substitute for using the DOC.
In turn, when we quit using drugs, we use the boarRAB as often as we used the drugs. We all get to a point though when we need to move on and focus on ourselves. I have a good friend who was going through a very rough patch when her mom passed. She found a board somewhere for grief and she never seemed to get past the grief stage of coping with the death of her mother. She finally realized that by surrounding herself with others who obsessed over their grief, it made her grieve even more.
I hope that this is making some sort of sense, I've been up for a long time nursing 2 little ones with high temps and flu so my mind isn't all here.
Anyhow, I wish you well in your daily activities. Check back in and let us know how things are going. You have a great attitude about this and I am confident that you will continue to make great decisions.
Namaste
Sometimes when we are in the throws of addiction, the addiction and DOC is all that we can think of. It is an obsession to read the posts, write about everything, and in some ways it helps us through the wd process or the decision to wd. However, in a way I think that the obsession with the boarRAB and posting is just a substitute for using the DOC.
In turn, when we quit using drugs, we use the boarRAB as often as we used the drugs. We all get to a point though when we need to move on and focus on ourselves. I have a good friend who was going through a very rough patch when her mom passed. She found a board somewhere for grief and she never seemed to get past the grief stage of coping with the death of her mother. She finally realized that by surrounding herself with others who obsessed over their grief, it made her grieve even more.
I hope that this is making some sort of sense, I've been up for a long time nursing 2 little ones with high temps and flu so my mind isn't all here.
Anyhow, I wish you well in your daily activities. Check back in and let us know how things are going. You have a great attitude about this and I am confident that you will continue to make great decisions.
Namaste
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holly74
Guest
THANK YOU BOTH ... SO MUCH. You have no idea (or maybe you do, because you're here, too!) how helpful it is to just have the knowledge that someone else knows what I'm feeling, that other people have gritted their teeth through this and made it out to the other side. I'm feeling pretty good! I continue to get a little anxiety knowing that I've flushed every trace of pill I'd stocked up, but overall, I'm so happy and proud of myself that this day is over. Day One is by far the worst for me. Once I'm able to make it through that first day, I can't allow myself to screw it up. Now it's just reminding myself of all of this a month from now, six months from now, when I feel like I've conquered it...
I just need to keep coming back here, keep reminding myself that once I stop paying attention, I leave myself open to trouble. Thank God for this place.
On a separate note, I found Midol (yes, Midol ... and no, guys, it won't give you lady parts if you take it) to be a bit of a lifesaver today. Acetaminophen for the aches and an absolutely absurd amount of caffeine for that unbearable sluggish feeling. It certainly didn't relieve all the effects of WRAB, but it made a truly noticeable difference, at least for a couple hours! It's important to keep in mind, though, that it has a diuretic in it, so make sure you're staying well-hydrated (which you should, anyway).
It's closing in on bedtime here and I'm absolutely pleased as can be with myself for making it through this day! I know the strength lies in me - I know I have to become comfortable with that. But for this day, my hardest day, I feel so grateful for the people on this board and their kind, encouraging worRAB and stories.
Holly
I just need to keep coming back here, keep reminding myself that once I stop paying attention, I leave myself open to trouble. Thank God for this place.
On a separate note, I found Midol (yes, Midol ... and no, guys, it won't give you lady parts if you take it) to be a bit of a lifesaver today. Acetaminophen for the aches and an absolutely absurd amount of caffeine for that unbearable sluggish feeling. It certainly didn't relieve all the effects of WRAB, but it made a truly noticeable difference, at least for a couple hours! It's important to keep in mind, though, that it has a diuretic in it, so make sure you're staying well-hydrated (which you should, anyway).
It's closing in on bedtime here and I'm absolutely pleased as can be with myself for making it through this day! I know the strength lies in me - I know I have to become comfortable with that. But for this day, my hardest day, I feel so grateful for the people on this board and their kind, encouraging worRAB and stories.
Holly
H
holly74
Guest
Thank you, magpie! I feel like the obsession is sort of waning, which is great. I quit smoking a nuraber of years ago and I remeraber one of the best parts being no longer remerabering how long it had been since my last cigarette. I'm looking forward to that part with the pills, as well.
Day 3 is halfway over for me and, physically, I am feeling MUCH better. Last night was a little tough - I had terrible aching, just in my arms. Very strange and the only thing that seemed to help was a hot bath. I did finally get some sleep at around 2am and woke up this morning feeling less cloudy and really hungry!
It's funny, though. The physical WRAB are nearly nonexistent at this point, but man am I grouchy! That really goes against my character, so it's taking a bit of a toll on me. Of course, I've chosen not to feel much of anything for a long time now, so this is to be expected, I guess. I just recently started therapy and have found it to be incredibly empowering. Probably what drove this decision to quit for good this time. It's odd to have to be proactive if I'm not feeling good. It was always so easy to just cover feelings up with a couple pills. It feels good to be present, though. Even in a bad mood.
My laptop crapped out on me today, so I'm finally stealing away a few minutes to write from our office. I hope everyone is doing well and staying strong. Day 3 feels so good!
Holly
Day 3 is halfway over for me and, physically, I am feeling MUCH better. Last night was a little tough - I had terrible aching, just in my arms. Very strange and the only thing that seemed to help was a hot bath. I did finally get some sleep at around 2am and woke up this morning feeling less cloudy and really hungry!
It's funny, though. The physical WRAB are nearly nonexistent at this point, but man am I grouchy! That really goes against my character, so it's taking a bit of a toll on me. Of course, I've chosen not to feel much of anything for a long time now, so this is to be expected, I guess. I just recently started therapy and have found it to be incredibly empowering. Probably what drove this decision to quit for good this time. It's odd to have to be proactive if I'm not feeling good. It was always so easy to just cover feelings up with a couple pills. It feels good to be present, though. Even in a bad mood.
My laptop crapped out on me today, so I'm finally stealing away a few minutes to write from our office. I hope everyone is doing well and staying strong. Day 3 feels so good!
Holly
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Secrets1983
Guest
Holly,
Your whole post gave me goose bumps! I am so proud of you!!!
I am so happy you feel all the feelings that were taken away from you for so long because of the drugs. Enjoy feeling JOY! You deserve it. I know what a week means... A week in a recovering addicts mind feels like a year!
YOU GO GIRL! Keep it up and keep us posted!
XOXOOXOXOX
Your whole post gave me goose bumps! I am so proud of you!!!
I am so happy you feel all the feelings that were taken away from you for so long because of the drugs. Enjoy feeling JOY! You deserve it. I know what a week means... A week in a recovering addicts mind feels like a year!
YOU GO GIRL! Keep it up and keep us posted!
XOXOOXOXOX
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56789
Guest
you might want to try a self help program. remeraber 1 minute 5 minutes to 1 hour 234567891011 24hrs at a time . dont try predict the future. dont get me wrong i do it all the time. but i am aware of it . an you will have the allergy for the rest of your life you know that. so with the 1 day plan it does not have to beat you. its a fight the biggest 1 of your life. fight the good fight. when i got clean i had lost it all .i have now regained everything most importantly me. operate from your heart . cause your brain will get in the way. what does your heart of hearts think. oh you want to keep that house most important your life because your nuraber 1 .dont forget god be with you. i am going to bed soon too .:angel:any sucsess im having today is far more his than mine . an the people that help you .evetually you will grow stronger .look outside yourself . left to my own devices i would self destruct instead of construct a solid foundation. oh if you got problems with god just dont use a lightbulb as your higher power they burn out. mabey a group of drugies.or good orderly direction.
god be with you. i am going to bed soon too .:angel:any sucsess im having today is far more his than mine . an the people that help you .evetually you will grow stronger .look outside yourself . left to my own devices i would self destruct instead of construct a solid foundation. oh if you got problems with god just dont use a lightbulb as your higher power they burn out. mabey a group of drugies.or good orderly direction.
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56789
Guest
hi holly i went back to work tonight nice post . any sucsess im having to day is far more his than mine .it is my selfwill that can an will at times control . but i choose to let god or good ordely direction or group of drugys .just a power greater than almighty scott . have control . yes i do have free will to do any thing whithin reason accept. drink or drug in safety be safe:wave:back to work in 20 mins
:wave:back to work in 20 mins
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milksnake
Guest
aint it great holly my friend........i'm right with ya. you made it kiddo, over the hump....its all down hill now. it will only get better........
M
milksnake
Guest
well i'll tell ya holly...if your able to go to the store your doin great! i dont think i could do that right now. let us know how it goes...
H
holly74
Guest
56789 - Sorry your post was moved, but I went and read it in the new thread. I hope you're doing well and please know that I'm thinking about you and sending lots of good vibes and support your way, whether you're still here or not.
I am pleased to announce that I made it through the trip to the grocery store! I mean, it wasn't exactly pleasant, but I did it. My husband offered to go later in the day, but I insisted and I'm glad I did. I got home absolutely wiped out (how pathetic!) and grouchy. After dumping all the bags in the kitchen in a huff, my husband suggested I go upstairs and lie down. It took me about three minutes lying in my bed before I lugged my butt back down the stairs. I took over putting away the groceries and apologized - I was just tired and not feeling good, but that didn't mean that I needed to take it out on anyone else. I did end up taking a bath and a nap afterward, and (like milksnake) I woke up feeling a lot better.
I still wish something sounded good, as far as food goes. I know it's not helping the rundown feeling to not have food in my system. I have been completely reliant on protein powders mixed in with a bottle of water for the past couple of days. We'll see, I guess. I'm hoping to really turn a corner tomorrow. Today is WAY better than yesterday, so I'm really excited to see what tomorrow brings.
My only difficulty today is that I think I know where I stashed a pill or two. It's after 5pm and I have refused to let myself even go check. I don't feel like I can be faced with that possibility yet, as I still don't feel very good, physically. I can only imagine all the rationalizations my brain will try to sell me! But I'm not buying. Perhaps I'll mention it to my husband and have him go check and confiscate if he finRAB anything!
*sigh* Gosh, it is so therapeutic to "talk" about all this. Milksnake - I really hope you're hanging in, my friend. I know we don't know each other, but I have felt a real ... accountability to you these past couple of days. So thank you.
Holly
I am pleased to announce that I made it through the trip to the grocery store! I mean, it wasn't exactly pleasant, but I did it. My husband offered to go later in the day, but I insisted and I'm glad I did. I got home absolutely wiped out (how pathetic!) and grouchy. After dumping all the bags in the kitchen in a huff, my husband suggested I go upstairs and lie down. It took me about three minutes lying in my bed before I lugged my butt back down the stairs. I took over putting away the groceries and apologized - I was just tired and not feeling good, but that didn't mean that I needed to take it out on anyone else. I did end up taking a bath and a nap afterward, and (like milksnake) I woke up feeling a lot better.
I still wish something sounded good, as far as food goes. I know it's not helping the rundown feeling to not have food in my system. I have been completely reliant on protein powders mixed in with a bottle of water for the past couple of days. We'll see, I guess. I'm hoping to really turn a corner tomorrow. Today is WAY better than yesterday, so I'm really excited to see what tomorrow brings.
My only difficulty today is that I think I know where I stashed a pill or two. It's after 5pm and I have refused to let myself even go check. I don't feel like I can be faced with that possibility yet, as I still don't feel very good, physically. I can only imagine all the rationalizations my brain will try to sell me! But I'm not buying. Perhaps I'll mention it to my husband and have him go check and confiscate if he finRAB anything!
*sigh* Gosh, it is so therapeutic to "talk" about all this. Milksnake - I really hope you're hanging in, my friend. I know we don't know each other, but I have felt a real ... accountability to you these past couple of days. So thank you.
Holly