Cutting??? This is so weird?

[Mary, Mary]

See my previous question.
I keep doing it. I have 10 cuts now. They are all shallow though and they only bleed a little. I enjoy it, not the pain (it hurts very little) and I'm not depressed. It is just fun. Why?
I like to take care of the cuts. It is like it gives me something to do and think about. I always glance at them and it is like they give my brain something to keep in mind whether it be care, hiding or something else.
I am pretty sure they are to shallow to leave a scar. I did them all today after I realized the sole one I did a few weeks ago with a sharp piece of plastic from the ground is healing in to a fading pink line. Every few hours I get the urge when I am alone and am not preoccupied. I use a very sharp knife (so I don't have to apply pressure).
Okay I feel like I need to stop now( guilt ), but I don't want to. I will think about this and my reasons tomorrow. They are not deep.

 

[ruthi]

You know this is so wrong in so many ways, and you know it too. I think you need to seek help, before it gets really worse. It seems like your brain has become used to this pattern of behaviour, in order to avoid something more painful, such as emotional trauma. Please seek help.