Critique my poetry please?

G

Giselle

New member
Ok so if I could get some feedback on this poem it would be great! abe as harsh as you want, but constructive please!

Restless

Itching to go
But where?
I have no clue
Out at night
Surrounded by liquor and smoke
Illegal yet done anyway
Disconnected and alone
A hollow shell
Warm gin burns my throat
Blurred Vision
I am numb
Home again
Restless once more
Needing to escape
Longing to get out
But when I am out
I feel no satisfaction
 
Restless

Urging to go
But where?
I have no clue
Out at night
Surrounded by liquor and smoke
Illegal yet done anyway
Disconnected and alone
A excavate shell
Warm gin cauterize my throat
Obscure Vision
I am blunt
Home again
Discontented once more
Needing to delude
Longing to get to the exterior
But when I am out there
I feel no antonement

I think the poem has more meaning now....I replaced some words with bigger ones...they mean the same thing I just added more feeling..at least i hope i did. Ha, I actually learned something in my vocabulary class this year. Comes in handy when you pay attention to vocabulary, Good luck in your future writing days. Oh yea, It was a Terrific poem and i feel what you do. (-":
 
The person who answered this first is pretty wrong.

A lot of the words they used were either misspelled or had grammatical errors.

So personally, I'd stick with what you have.

It's very well written.

Maybe change "But when I am out" to, "when the feeling is met"
 
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