Critique for parody scene?

A parody for a V fan fic,it's the 2009 remake not the 1980s series which has the same name. The scene is a parody from the George Lopez episode: 'What George doesn't Noah' this is in sort of a script format.

Info: After meeting Ryan at a starbucks to find out more about his latest interview, Chad leaves claiming he has something else to do.

Ryan: "Get your car, we're gonna follow that little maggot."

Leah: (grabs keys) "I did not need a car to catch my cousin sneaking out, I just knocked on the neighbors' doors till someone looked surprised."

(Both leave starbucks and follow Chad to a local movie theater)

Leah and Ryan try to hide their faces behind the buckets of popcorn they bought but don't have much success.

Leah: "You know, that's the biggest tub of popcorn I've ever seen and it still doesn't cover your head!"

Ryan: "He's obviously here to meet a girl, no guy comes to see 'A walk in the Tuscan meadow' by himself."

Leah: "Man, guys will do anything to get sympathy."

Ryan: "Oh, it's not that bad I saw it with Valerie last week."

(Blond woman walks by and sits in the same row as Chad)

Leah: *imitates bell* "Ding! ding! ding! my radar's going off."

Ryan: "Oh man, he is up to something."

Leah: "Boy, it's too bad this isn't an action movie, we could use some explosions to cover his screams when we kick his butt."

Ryan: "Don't worry, Leah there's plenty of noise when the Farmer's dog gives birth to the Cheese maker's mutt in the barn. There's a little drama but it does get quickly done."

(Lights go out and the trailers start to play)

Chad is sitting next to Anna, leans over and kisses her on the cheek! then offers her some popcorn.

Leah and Ryan watch then look at each other with their mouths hanging open.

Leah covers her mouth.

Ryan: "Did you see that?"

Leah: "I saw! I saw!"

Ryan: "He kissed that V?"

(Both look at Chad for a moment)

Ryan: "Man, the dude's a player; he's just playing for the other team."

Georgie is sitting in one of the lower rows.

Georgie: "Shh, shh! have some respect!"

(mouths the word 'Dang')

Ryan and Leah simply stare in shock.

End of scene.

Side note: When Ryan means Chad's playing for the other team he means the Visitors.

Could use some critique on this scene, what do you think of it?
 
Back
Top