Could you rate my poem's please?

H

happy guy.

New member
Love keeps my heart going.
Pumping and raging were you come near
Feeling your warmth streaking into my veins.
You are like life to me.


Come my way dear for me.
I never knew that I could feel this way.
You've twisted me and broken but nothing will let me go.
You pray that I will leave you alone.
Say why my dear? Why do you hate me so much?

Your nothing but filth cowering the earth my darkness is like your breath.
My vengeance keeps me from boredom.
Escalating and escalating the train goes along hop in or be left alone.
Dying from sickness you are my friend but I am dying from loneliness this is what I pretend.


These are just some quick poems I made and I wanted you guys to maybe rate :
 
this is great. it works together as one poem. the energy builds from verso to verso; from love to loss, hope to despair, joy to visceral rage. i think it maybe needs one more verse to reach the crescendo of pain you're aspiring to.
how about this:

My dear, choke on your own vile bile.
Limping around in your little pit you sit, and hate.
Now I will leave you alone to your darkness,
And close the grate to your little cell.
You're not due your fish-heads 'til next week you ungrateful b****.

hope this helps!
 
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