Could you give me comments on this?

  • Thread starter Thread starter tepishane_13
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tepishane_13

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http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1417126

I know it still needs editing and stuff but that's why I need your help. Please tell me what you think of it and when you spot mistakes, kindly (or harshly [whichever way you prefer]) inform me of it. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

(Please be honest.)

Thanks very much.
 
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