Could my parents divorce be impacting my ability to date?

K

Keegzz

New member
My parents divorced when I was 14, which was around the time I started getting interested in girls. However, I have never had a girlfriend and Im now 18. My problem is i feel inadequate asking girls out because, subconsciously, I feel that even if we start dating or go even further, I know that Im going to screw it up and she'll leave, because my mom left my dad. When my mom left my dad totally broke down and cried, and I had never seen him cry before. I think that eventually my ,mate would leave and i would be left with less than nothing. So I guess i subconsciously try to avoid being with someone because i know she would leave and it would be painful?

Am I a victim of psychological conditioning or is there something else? How can I get past these issues?
 
I understand you...Our parents are the blue prints of our lives so we feel affected by their lives and choices..especially with divorce or remarriage or abandonment issues and trust issues on in life. They become deep rooted ...We can't think though what happened to our parents will happen to us in our own life....We have to believe that our lives are separate from our parents...and we make choices we can't be afraid because as you know you can't love when there is fear....If you need to talk to a counselor or therapist that can help too remember when someone loves you they will love you for you.................

and you can get force love when someone loves you they will call you and want to be in your life :))))))))))))))))))
 
Parents set examples whether they r good or bad is up to them. In this case it was bad and had a negative affect on you. What your parents did had nothing to do with you, you are a whole different being. Maybe turn what happened to your parents from a negative to a positive. You learned early that events and actions have impacts on people. It's a very good lesson to know. Now that your 18 I think if you really like someone ask her out, be confident in yourself. Know that you can only control you. What she does is going to affect you but take a chance, it may turn out to be really experience. I hoped this helped and good luck!
 
Parents set examples whether they r good or bad is up to them. In this case it was bad and had a negative affect on you. What your parents did had nothing to do with you, you are a whole different being. Maybe turn what happened to your parents from a negative to a positive. You learned early that events and actions have impacts on people. It's a very good lesson to know. Now that your 18 I think if you really like someone ask her out, be confident in yourself. Know that you can only control you. What she does is going to affect you but take a chance, it may turn out to be really experience. I hoped this helped and good luck!
 
You need to come to terms with yourself, understand that you thinking to far ahead. You need to go through a couple of relationships to get some experience so you know what they are like and about. Learn from them see how the role of being a boyfriend is suppose to play out, and the role of girlfriend is suppose to play out to your standards and hers as well/ See if you are able to adjust to things you may not like about her, and same for her to you, also big important part is loving your mate for who they are or changing yourself for them if the part you have to change is a negative part. These are all things that will come in time, and if you do just find one girl which you can experience this with and be with for the rest of your life then that means you win, and it was meant to be, but you will never know if you don't try. Getting together, and breaking up so forth is apart of life, and that is why we have emotions to deal with it. Just look for the key signs to make sure the girl you are with is the perfect one for you, don't force yourself to be together with them, even if you have kids, because then you`ll be putting your kids into the same situation you experienced.
 
My parents divorced when I was 11, I didn't date or even truly talk to boys, because I didn't want to meet anyone like my dad, until I was 15....I understand what you're going through.
But what happened to their relationship isn't going to happen to yours, you're relationship will be different...because it's YOURS! You just have to work at it and find someone who you trust completely.
Maybe talk to a counselor or therapist for a little while. Divorce does really affect the kids, so maybe even talk to your parents.
Good luck, I hope I helped at least bit (:
 
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