C is for Criminal
Cookie Monster was released from prison last week
after being charged with child abuse and endangerment
Parents on Sesame Street had made a citizens arrest
claiming he was getting their kids addicted to harmful substances
He was sentenced by the court to a lifetime of community service
doing PSA for the FDA promoting carrots and cucumbers
and was forced to attend regular CA meetings with other monsters
where they swap stories of overdosing on biscotti or macaroons
There is no cure for his cookie paraphilia, “Born that way,” therapists say
he’s twice been caught behind the local bakery dumpster diving
and when he goes hocking salads and crudités he gets squinted glares
as parents drag their children to the sunny side of the street
There’s a warning sign outside his residence; a giant chocolate chip cookie
and he’s not allowed within 500 feet of girls scouts
His house is the ones kids point at with friends at and tell scary stories about
how he’ll tie you up and make you eat a whole box of Pepperidge Farm
Occasionally, Grover or Oscar will stop by and shake their felt heads
they’ll reminisce about the days Jim Henson was running the block
The friendly neighbors, happy people, who swept the clouds away;
every door opened wide and the air was sweet
When kids were allowed to fail and fall so they could stand up again
When kids were allowed to get angry and moderation was modus operandi
Sunny days when parents didn’t put the burden of child rearing solely
on Muppets trained only to teach kids to be nice and that everything was A-OK
Cookie Monster was released from prison last week
after being charged with child abuse and endangerment
Parents on Sesame Street had made a citizens arrest
claiming he was getting their kids addicted to harmful substances
He was sentenced by the court to a lifetime of community service
doing PSA for the FDA promoting carrots and cucumbers
and was forced to attend regular CA meetings with other monsters
where they swap stories of overdosing on biscotti or macaroons
There is no cure for his cookie paraphilia, “Born that way,” therapists say
he’s twice been caught behind the local bakery dumpster diving
and when he goes hocking salads and crudités he gets squinted glares
as parents drag their children to the sunny side of the street
There’s a warning sign outside his residence; a giant chocolate chip cookie
and he’s not allowed within 500 feet of girls scouts
His house is the ones kids point at with friends at and tell scary stories about
how he’ll tie you up and make you eat a whole box of Pepperidge Farm
Occasionally, Grover or Oscar will stop by and shake their felt heads
they’ll reminisce about the days Jim Henson was running the block
The friendly neighbors, happy people, who swept the clouds away;
every door opened wide and the air was sweet
When kids were allowed to fail and fall so they could stand up again
When kids were allowed to get angry and moderation was modus operandi
Sunny days when parents didn’t put the burden of child rearing solely
on Muppets trained only to teach kids to be nice and that everything was A-OK