Confused????

[Sad 101]

So I am going on almost 5 years drinking everyday from wine to beer to hard stuff....I have been watching intervention and I know I have a problem but not sure if it's alccohol abuse, alcoholism or what? I think about it every day when I work I do not drink but I want to I drink and drive because 6 beer or a bottle of wine I can still pass the sobriety test I really want to stop but not sure how. My BF says he has been happy these last couple weeks cause I have not been drinking lol I just know how to hide it I feel terrible....I wanna stop.... I started when My friend got killed in front of me and I just coule not stop not sure what to do.

Thanks.

 

[reachout]

Hi Sad

I am glad to see you here posting about a problem. The drinking is a problem, Honey. When our thoughts dwell on alcohol or pills, we have, without a doubt, a problem on our hanRAB. It does not matter if we can pass a sobriety test.... what matters is if we can pass a "living happily with what we are doing test." If Boyfriend can tell such a difference when you are not drinking and enjoys being with you more when you are sober, then the 'living happily" test is not being passed. If there is a nagging feeling in us that we really want to stop, then we are not passing the "living happily" test.

It's telling that your post began about drinking and ended sharing about your friend's tragic passing. In every addict, there is a huge element of grief or hurt... of emotions that we try to block out because it is painful to let them surface into our conscious minRAB. When we are able to search our subconscious minRAB and identify the source of our hurts, we become capable of understanding how they affect our actions in our conscious mind. That link is the key to puuting the brakes on addictive behaviour.

My suggestion is that you seek some counseling and throw yourself into it with total honesty. Learn the things behind the drinking, learn how to deal with them, learn how to live with healthier coping skills than drinking to excess ( and yes, you are drinking to excess when someone close to you like Boyfriend can so easily see the differences in you when drinking and not drinking). Perhaps try some AA meetings where you can hear the stories of others who have followed the path you are walking down. While circumstances may be different, I think you will find the common link that all at a meeting have tried alcohol as a coping skill and found that it fails them eventually in the most miserable ways.

Work on it now. It is too easy to let 5, 10, 15 years pass trying to ignore it and then suddenly discover you are totally lost on a bottle of booze.

I hope you stay with us, reading many posts here of others' stories and sharing your own as well.

With much hope
reach