Computer School Snippets
- Thread starter ostevieo
- Start date
#31: Respecting Traditions
At the beginning of the session, the teacher suggested we try to use the same computer everytime since we use portable hard drives and the hardware between each computer is slightly different.
Today, I get in and find out something is busted on my usual computer. There's another free one nearby so I take that one instead.
The dude who used to sit there arrives 30 minutes late and starts bitching.
Idiot #1: Hey, man, you sittin' at my place.
Me: You're late.
Idiot #1: Hey c'mon, that's not fair!
Me: You're 30 minutes late. You technically shouldn't even be allowed in when class begins.
Idiot #1: Hey man, I'm gonna file a complaint to the principal 'cause you took my place! That's not fair, c'mon, that's my place--
Me: Hey! Let's get something straight. I came in, my usual computer wasn't working, so I went and used another one. You came into class 30 minutes late when being late should really be absent. You can't get on your own computer? Tough shit. Had you come in time and sat there as usual, I wouldn't have been able to do anything. But you're late. You have zero power.
Idiot #1: Aw man, that's not fair, that's so not fair...
As he walks away, another idiot next to me quips:
Idiot #2: Hey dude, if you want, y'know, if you want me to give 'im a beating in an alley, just ring me up dude.
Me: Don't worry. I'm more than fine by myself.
#32: Teamwork & Burns
We have a project to do in Windows XP class: Install a new instance of Windows XP, and configure it for a fictious medical and dental clinic, with users, groups, permissions and policies and all that. We have a month to do it and I get it done in two hours. All I have to do now is get the teacher to evaluate my setup and then I have to type a short report about it.
The nice thing though is that the teacher keeps repeating we're his worst class in his entire career of teaching. And this makes his treatments of favor towards me more and more outlandish...
Me: I'm ready when you are.
Teacher: Coming... OK, let's see that, message pops up, good, no user shown on the login screen, good... OK, now show me the user permissions... For the power user-- OK, good, next, policies. Good, now the folders...
The teacher basically looks at a single item for each of his criterias and then trusts me by word for everything else, making what should have been a 15 minute correction take less than 5.
Teacher: Excellent. Want to skip the boring report?
Me: Ah, oh, sure.
Teacher: All right. Excellent work. *shakes my hand* You're getting 110%.
He then stands up.
Teacher: Hey everybody, I'm happy to announce that this guy here got 110% on his project! That's no joke. It's really gonna be written 110% on his report card. Uh-huh! 110%! I'm not kidding!
Student behind me: (whispering to himself) Dude, wtf...
At the beginning of the session, the teacher suggested we try to use the same computer everytime since we use portable hard drives and the hardware between each computer is slightly different.
Today, I get in and find out something is busted on my usual computer. There's another free one nearby so I take that one instead.
The dude who used to sit there arrives 30 minutes late and starts bitching.
Idiot #1: Hey, man, you sittin' at my place.
Me: You're late.
Idiot #1: Hey c'mon, that's not fair!
Me: You're 30 minutes late. You technically shouldn't even be allowed in when class begins.
Idiot #1: Hey man, I'm gonna file a complaint to the principal 'cause you took my place! That's not fair, c'mon, that's my place--
Me: Hey! Let's get something straight. I came in, my usual computer wasn't working, so I went and used another one. You came into class 30 minutes late when being late should really be absent. You can't get on your own computer? Tough shit. Had you come in time and sat there as usual, I wouldn't have been able to do anything. But you're late. You have zero power.
Idiot #1: Aw man, that's not fair, that's so not fair...
As he walks away, another idiot next to me quips:
Idiot #2: Hey dude, if you want, y'know, if you want me to give 'im a beating in an alley, just ring me up dude.
Me: Don't worry. I'm more than fine by myself.
#32: Teamwork & Burns
We have a project to do in Windows XP class: Install a new instance of Windows XP, and configure it for a fictious medical and dental clinic, with users, groups, permissions and policies and all that. We have a month to do it and I get it done in two hours. All I have to do now is get the teacher to evaluate my setup and then I have to type a short report about it.
The nice thing though is that the teacher keeps repeating we're his worst class in his entire career of teaching. And this makes his treatments of favor towards me more and more outlandish...
Me: I'm ready when you are.
Teacher: Coming... OK, let's see that, message pops up, good, no user shown on the login screen, good... OK, now show me the user permissions... For the power user-- OK, good, next, policies. Good, now the folders...
The teacher basically looks at a single item for each of his criterias and then trusts me by word for everything else, making what should have been a 15 minute correction take less than 5.
Teacher: Excellent. Want to skip the boring report?
Me: Ah, oh, sure.
Teacher: All right. Excellent work. *shakes my hand* You're getting 110%.
He then stands up.
Teacher: Hey everybody, I'm happy to announce that this guy here got 110% on his project! That's no joke. It's really gonna be written 110% on his report card. Uh-huh! 110%! I'm not kidding!
Student behind me: (whispering to himself) Dude, wtf...
♥bay-face♥
New member
*tsihihihihi* they are so funny, your stories =)
Introducing a new person, John! Once again, a fictious name.
Which brings me to...
#33: A Factory of Burns
Written by John on the board before class one day: When the teacher's speaking, SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTHS.
Reply from the teacher: Want them to understand that?
John nods.
The teacher translated it in Arabic.
The expression on the faces of the Arab Krew was priceless.
- John: John is deaf, so his usual way of communication is through sign language and an interpreter, or by typing on his computer.
Which brings me to...
#33: A Factory of Burns
Written by John on the board before class one day: When the teacher's speaking, SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTHS.
Reply from the teacher: Want them to understand that?
John nods.
The teacher translated it in Arabic.
The expression on the faces of the Arab Krew was priceless.
I always think it's over when new ones pop out!!
#34: A Factory of Burns Two
During the mini-test...
Jack: Hey, are you aware the Arabs in the back are shooting the answers to each other everytime you turn away?
Teacher: Oh yeah! I'm aware they're copying all the wrong answers.
#35: Phileas Fogg can suck it!
Introducing, an Idiotess who has made it a habit to never arrive on time.
Idiotess: God dammit! I told Warren to be there at nine sharp to help me with those maths but he isn't here yet! He isn't keeping his word! He's 30 minutes late now!
Me: O RLY?
#34: A Factory of Burns Two
During the mini-test...
Jack: Hey, are you aware the Arabs in the back are shooting the answers to each other everytime you turn away?
Teacher: Oh yeah! I'm aware they're copying all the wrong answers.
#35: Phileas Fogg can suck it!
Introducing, an Idiotess who has made it a habit to never arrive on time.
Idiotess: God dammit! I told Warren to be there at nine sharp to help me with those maths but he isn't here yet! He isn't keeping his word! He's 30 minutes late now!
Me: O RLY?
I myself am utterly surprised by this bump. I did not even see it coming. I thought it was over. Zip. Finito. Kaput.
But no.
#36: Captain Justice to The Rescue!
Teacher: Remember, you're not allowed to talk during the final exam!
Idiot: Whaaaaaaat? That's not fair!!
#37: Help Straight From The Tap
Idiot: Sir, which port does a printer plug into?
Teacher: ...That's question number 1 on the exam!!
Idiot: Uh... yeah...
Teacher: I can't answer that!
But no.
#36: Captain Justice to The Rescue!
Teacher: Remember, you're not allowed to talk during the final exam!
Idiot: Whaaaaaaat? That's not fair!!
#37: Help Straight From The Tap
Idiot: Sir, which port does a printer plug into?
Teacher: ...That's question number 1 on the exam!!
Idiot: Uh... yeah...
Teacher: I can't answer that!
GRIMREAPER75
New member
No. Way.
You came back...
You came back...
[email protected]
New member
omg people or so fucking stupid... all the "stories" you wrote... I can sooo much imagine it.. I've been helping people with computers for a while and I understand you 
Snippets page got moved to http://www.shurikane.com/Hate/compsnippets.html for those who were getting a 404 error lately.
#38: Synchronized Failure
Idiot #1: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #2: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #3: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #4: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #5: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #6: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #7: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #8: Can I borrow your boot disk?
That was a final, lab-based exam. You were supposed to bring in your own disks. The teacher had told everyone that every time for the past 4 weeks.
#38: Synchronized Failure
Idiot #1: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #2: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #3: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #4: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #5: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #6: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #7: Can I borrow your boot disk?
Idiot #8: Can I borrow your boot disk?
That was a final, lab-based exam. You were supposed to bring in your own disks. The teacher had told everyone that every time for the past 4 weeks.
#39: Let Them Die Slowly
Teacher: OK, there's way too many people talking and shooting the answers to each other whenever I go to someone to answer his question. This is a FINAL exam and you're NOT supposed to be talking. This is too bad but from now on, I won't answer any question, no matter what it is.
Idiotess: Ma'am! Ma'am! Can you help me? My program doesn't work!
Teacher: ...That's your problem, you have to figure it out.
Idiotess: But it doesn't work!
Teacher: I can't help you.
Idiotess: But it won't compile!
Teacher: I can't help you!
Idiotess: It's giving me errors ma'am! It won't run!!
Teacher: Figure it out yourself! That's the point of an exam! It's open book! Use it!
Idiotess: Not fair...
Teacher: OK, there's way too many people talking and shooting the answers to each other whenever I go to someone to answer his question. This is a FINAL exam and you're NOT supposed to be talking. This is too bad but from now on, I won't answer any question, no matter what it is.
Idiotess: Ma'am! Ma'am! Can you help me? My program doesn't work!
Teacher: ...That's your problem, you have to figure it out.
Idiotess: But it doesn't work!
Teacher: I can't help you.
Idiotess: But it won't compile!
Teacher: I can't help you!
Idiotess: It's giving me errors ma'am! It won't run!!
Teacher: Figure it out yourself! That's the point of an exam! It's open book! Use it!
Idiotess: Not fair...
Well, the semester has ended. I type this as I enjoy a nice, cold Doomsday beer and reflect upon this last, quality snippet:
#40: The Final Hurrah
In a mini-test, one of the questions were as follows:
In the Event Viewer menu of the management console, which journal contains an audit of successes and failures?
The "Journal of Montreal" (better translated as Montreal's Newspaper) is a popular and well-known newspaper in the city.
Well, guess what.
As I met the teacher just before the final exam, I learned that someone in the class really did answer The Journal of Montreal.
Teacher: Wow, and I told you it was gonna happen too!
Me: Imagine that, a column in the newspaper everytime someone puts down a wrong password.
Teacher: All right. You ready for this waste of time called a final exam?
Me: You bet.
Teacher: Cool, here it is. See you in 30 minutes!
#40: The Final Hurrah
In a mini-test, one of the questions were as follows:
In the Event Viewer menu of the management console, which journal contains an audit of successes and failures?
- Journal of Applications
- Journal of Security
- Journal of System
- Journal of Montreal
The "Journal of Montreal" (better translated as Montreal's Newspaper) is a popular and well-known newspaper in the city.
Well, guess what.
As I met the teacher just before the final exam, I learned that someone in the class really did answer The Journal of Montreal.
Teacher: Wow, and I told you it was gonna happen too!
Me: Imagine that, a column in the newspaper everytime someone puts down a wrong password.
Teacher: All right. You ready for this waste of time called a final exam?
Me: You bet.
Teacher: Cool, here it is. See you in 30 minutes!
PanicSuiteheart
New member
BONUS #1! A Descriptive Problem
We're setting up a MS Access database...
Idiotess: Sir... Sir! The test box "Description" in design mode... you put the data in there, right??
We're setting up a MS Access database...
Idiotess: Sir... Sir! The test box "Description" in design mode... you put the data in there, right??
BONUS #2! A Time Problem
Teacher: Now that most people are here (and not the week before), I'll restate the modalities of this class. You have to do your work to pass this class. You have to arrive on time!
Idiotess: B-b-but sir!! It's summer! Can't we come in later?
Teacher: Noooo!
Ironically, on my way up to the class floor for the first hour, I saw most of the class hanging out and playing baby-foot in the student lounge.
Teacher: Now that most people are here (and not the week before), I'll restate the modalities of this class. You have to do your work to pass this class. You have to arrive on time!
Idiotess: B-b-but sir!! It's summer! Can't we come in later?
Teacher: Noooo!
Ironically, on my way up to the class floor for the first hour, I saw most of the class hanging out and playing baby-foot in the student lounge.