Computer School Snippets

Haha, the computer electronics repair class im in is pretty bad, but not as bad as that. Except, people are always stealing/breaking shit.
 
The Arab Krew has been trying to get all their exams pushed back since the beginning of the semester. This lead to:

#18: George W. School
Idiot: Hey man, we trying to get the math exam pushed back a week. Waddya think?
Me: The math exam?
Idiot: Yeah! We don't understand anything! The teacher is crap!
Me: He wouldn't be crap if you guys actually listened in class.
Idiot: Hey maybe not them, but I listen. I don't talk! And I still have trouble.
Me: Well, I don't believe you.
Idiot: Anyway, you with us? Come on, we gotta get that exam pushed back or we're done for!
Me: Dude, it's an intra. Intrasemestrial. A big one. You can't push these back at your own whim.
Idiot: But the teacher didn't even tell us! He came in just today and said the exam was Friday! This is crap!
Me: Actually, he told you guys about it two weeks ago. You had the entire Spring Break to study.
Idiot: That's bullshit! He didn't say it! Ever! And now he's not pushing back the exam because one person doesn't want the exam pushed back!
Me: ...
Idiot: Seriously, this is crap!
Me: So you're trying to say me disagreeing with pushing back the exam is the cause of your troubles?
Idiot: That's right! It's your fault!
Me: Haha! I don't think you're aware of what you're saying. Not a single teacher can push back an intra. Not now, not ever. Whether I agree with pushing back or not. It doesn't make a difference.
Idiot: Hey, I talked to the teacher, and he says it's because you didn't want the exam pushed back that he can't push it back! He says he can't push back an exam because one person doesn't want to!
Me: I think the correct version was "he can't push back an exam at the whim of just one student."
Idiot: Uh... yeah, I suppose so!
(He doesn't realize I was trying to tell him the teacher was telling the exact opposite of what he had understood)
Me: Besides, look at Jack here. Just take programming as an example. Jack hasn't programmed in his life, ever. And still, he masters the subject. Because he's WOKEN UP and he LISTENS in class compared to the others. He does his work.
Idiot: But programming is another subject! I understand it too!
Me: Well, see, programming class is tomorrow. Get your work done, you'll have all afternoon to review your maths, which is more than enough time to get yourself current.
Idiot: No, it's not okay! We gotta get it pushed back!
Me: ...
Idiot: COME ON! You with us or against us?
Me: You know what? I don't even give a shit what you guys do.
Idiot: And you Jack? You with us?
Jack: Do whatever the hell you guys want.



The next one is a little story! :D

#19: The Phat Pipe
Jack: Hey [Shuri], hear this. Remember, THE idiotess? Well, she pulled another one last Monday in Windows XP class. You know I always gotta watch my cable on the panel because people keep stealing each other's network cables, right? Well, she didn't have a connection, so she went and took the BIG RED CABLE, unplugged it from where it was and plugged it into her spot! She stole the Internet access all to herself!
Me: Holy shit, why doesn't she quit already?!
 
#20: Exam Time!
Teacher: Please don't talk during the exam.
*chatter-chatter*
Teacher: Please don't talk during the exam!
*chatter-chatter*
Teacher: I said don't talk during the exam!
*chatter-chatter*
Teacher: What the hell don't you guys understand?! BE QUIET!
*chatter-chatter*
*principal comes in*
Principal: Next person to talk gets his exam taken away and given a fail.
*principal leaves*
*chatter-chatter*

Somehow, nobody got his copy taken away.



#21: Exam Time Two!
Teacher: Reminder: variable names must not contain spaces.
Idiot #1: Ma'am!
Teacher: Yes?..... Hey, variable names must not contain spaces.
Idiot #2: Ma'am! Can you check here? It's not working.
Teacher: Variable names! No spaces! There are two spaces here! No spaces, I said!
*...*
Idiot #3: Ma'am, excuse me.
Teacher: What?...... VARIABLE NAMES MUST NOT CONTAIN SPACES! EVER!



#22: Memory Dumped
Idiot: Ma'am, I have a problem with this program, it doesn't work.
Teacher: Okay, run it.
Idiot: ...
Teacher: Run it!
Idiot: ...
Teacher: Are you telling me you don't know how to run your program?!
Idiot: Uh...
 
#23: Pre-emptive Blowout
Teacher: Okay, for our next module, we'll be looking at functions. Stuff like linear functions, quadratic functions - or parabolas, exponential functions and logarithmic functions. All these will be used for calculating money evolution. Stuff like interest rates and funds for example-- yes?
Idiot: Sir! I don't understand a single thing.
Teacher: ...I haven't even begun to teach the matter yet.
 
May dad was learning to use the computer, until i told him i could see where he went on the internet...then he stopped caring.
 
#24: Laying The Smack Down
Teacher: I've corrected your mini-project. First, I want to tell that plagiarizing is dealt with by giving an instant zero on the work. I thought that was well-known of you guys. Eight of the copies I received were identical to each other, down to even the spelling mistakes. They were named "Lab #3" even though this was a HOMEWORK. They all had the word "vaiable" somewhere in a comment. There were a lot of other copied things too aside from those eight, but these guys at least had the idea of fixing the spelling mistakes. You're free to rant about this to the principal - he's well aware of the problem among you. Prepare to waste your breath.
Jack: Oooohhh, burn...
 
Note: the numbers 15 and 75 sound alike in the French language.

#25: Count to 25!
Teacher: So, I want to create two partitions on a 500 megabyte hard disk. One has to be seventy-five percent of the disk. What is seventy-five percent of five hundred?
Idiot: Five hundred!
Teacher: No, I said seventy-five percent of five hundred.
Idiot: Well, yeah, five hundred!
Teacher: ...No, wait, I'll repeat. I want seventy-five percent of five hundred
Idiot: Oh, sorry! I heard fifteen percent.



#26: Count Backwards
Teacher: So, on this other drive, I want three quarters of it to use Windows on. That drive's four gigabytes capacity. What's three quarters of four gigs?
Idiot: Uh... One? Uh!... Wait, Four! Four!!
Jack: OH MY GOD, IT'S THREE!!! THREE QUARTERS! THREE OVER FOUR!!! THREE GIGABYTES!!!
Teacher: ...It's three.
Idiot: Oh...
 
#27: By Elimination
Me: Where's my boot disk? Anybody have it?
Student: I passed it to the other guys over there.
Me: Hey guys, got my boot disk?
Idiot: Uh, no, I don't think so. We're just working in DOS.
Me: Anybody? Anybody in the room got my boot disk? A beige disk with a yellow label on it? No?
Idiot: Well, ours is green, so that can't be it...
Me: My boot disk must be around somewhere! Is everybody sure they don't have it?... You guys, show me your computer. There's a "green" disk inside? I wanna look at it.
Idiot: Sure, this computer's ours, but as I said, we're working on--
Me: FUCKING HELL, IT'S BEIGE!!!
 
Do they give a medal of honor for surviving semi-sane until graduation? :smash:

I sure hope you're saving all these gems somewhere. The saga is riveting. :thumbsup:
 
#28: Common mistakes made in the MS Word midterm test
  • Pressing ENTER at the end of each line.
  • Blatantly wrong margins (despite the page to be reproduced was in justified text and thus had a frame for itself, AND everyone had a ruler.)
  • Numerous spaces instead of tabs.
  • Numerous spaces instead of indents.
  • Numerous spaces instead of right-alignment (although most people could center text perfectly.)
  • Inability to change the font and size of text, despite it being mentioned on the first page of the test.
 
#29: Not a Tile Left Unturned
Teacher: Question: let's say the BIOS doesn't detect the hard drive. What do you do?
Idiot: I check the BIOS.
Teacher: Yeah but the BIOS doesn't detect it.
Idiot: Well then... I go into the BIOS.
Teacher: But the BIOS isn't detecting the hard drive!
Idiot: Well, I'd check the BIOS first...
Jack: OH MY GOD! YOU CAN'T! THE BIOS DOESN'T GET THE DAMNED DRIVE! IT'S USELESS! BUT YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE THAN THE BIOS!! YOU'RE FUCKED YOU SHITHEAD!!!



And finally, yet another one of those...

#30: KILL YOURSELF THREE
We hit rock bottom so often that it's dug all the way to China and blown up fifteen Terra Cotta Army statues. This time, the rock had nowhere to go but go even bottomer from my position and is thus preparing for a launch into space, seeking a bottom that's even more bottom than the center of the Earth. It's going for the sun to blow it up and kill all life as we know it.

That rock is out for business.

Today, Jack and I arrive into hardware class for the second part of a 4-class project. In the first part, we build a computer. In the second part, we partition and format the drives. In the third part, we install Windows, and in the last part, we set up a network.

We come in. Our computer is gone.

Everyone searches around, until Jack finds a suspicious-looking box...

Jack: I SAW IT COMING! I SO FUCKING SAW IT COMING! THOSE IDIOTS STOLE OUR BOX AND TOOK IT FOR THEIRS!! LOOK! LOOK AT THE MARK I HAD LEFT!!!

Indeed, Jack had left a noticeable mark on the case last class using his screwdriver. The offending team had ripped off our name sticker, stuck it under the table, and applied their own sticker on the box. DUMBEST MOVE EVER. We now have their names, black ink on white sticker paper.

The culprits are not in our group since the lab class is split in two. In the meantime, the teacher takes away their sticker and applies it on a random computer that's missing half its parts.

Jack: I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. How can you be STUPID enough to replace a sticker with yours?!
Me: I dunno, but I sure ain't gonna help anyone anymore at this school. We give free help at their whim and to any question they ask and the fuckers repay us this way. HEY TEACHER! If you don't give 'em a speech next class, I will!

The teacher was too busy laughing to answer.
 
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