Comming clean....

R

robonefer

New member
When I was 0-4, I lived in the ghetto, shitty food, shitty box house... and then we (my family and I) moved to a good house on Queen Victoria Dr. It was there that I met my first friend, who would prove to be my BEST friend for about four years.

During my first year there, (I was four), life was good... clean water, a bed, a friend. But my dad was never there, nor was he ever there because he had to work to support our family (my mom didn't work). Because of this when I was five he came to visit and I didn't so much as think him farmiliar! But back then I didn't care because I had jumped on the bandwagon of being a selfish, ignorant, and naiive son of a bitch. Time progressed and I went to school for my first time, and you know what? It was pretty good, except whenever I would go to the bus-stop the kids there would beat the shit outta my brother, and praise me.... That was so fucking mean on two sides, they were fucking with my head and making me realize how weak and insignificant I am/was, and they were well... beating the shit out of my brother. Also, while I was at school they would beat me at the playground. Obviously I went to the teachers etc etc about it, but they never did shit about it. Actually, when I was seven I got in trouble because the bullies said I had started a fight.

Then there were my baby sitters, FUCKING GOD I HATE THEM. Ever since they began babysitting my brother and I, they would harrass me to no end. More detail you ask? They would make me go to sleep with two fucking bags of ice in my underwear. Then in the morning they would tell me that I had wet the bed! Also, they told me that I had been bitten by a spider, and so they would make me lie naked in a bathtub full of freezing water for a couple minutes every day. Then, they would always ground me for NO DAMN REASON! Every week or so, they would lock me in an empty room for some lame half brained excuse they had thought up. To top that off, sometimes they would supposedly forget to let me out, and so I would spend a couple of days in that empty room, staring at the white walls, without anything to eat or drink. Thats not even the half of it though.... They fucked with me so much that I tried to run away, which they responded to by laughing at my note and locking me in my room.... One of them; Melvin, would always tease me and one day threw my goddam bike into the lake, which I later recovered all rusty and beaten. I never told my parents this because I didn't know that this was just their way of having fun.

By the time I had turned seven, my parents were always arguing when my dad was home. ALWAYS But I didn't know what it was about, and I would just sit quietly tending to my games. At age eight they divorced, and it was then that my dad got thrust into the pits of poverty. I never really got to see him because he had nothing left. Also, my mom would threaten me that I wouldn't be able to see him if I came back "home" dirty! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT!? At age nine, we had to move to an apartment because my mom sold the house and kept all the fucking money that my DAD had worked for. I guess it's karma that she had to work her ass off afterwards.... Anyway, in moving, I lost everybody that I had known. Because they had either moved, I had moved, or they had found me too "uncool" to be their friend.

By this time at school, people would throw rocks at me while laughing. And I had gone through about four counselers, none of which had helped but made my situation worse.

My mom has always been so fucking strict that I can't possibly meet up to her standards, so she had always fucking pushed me at point of breaking to succeed. Like 9/10s of my seventh and eight grade years grounded and in my room studying. Yet my grades continued to drop from the stress. Even when I was little, my mom would force me to study during the summer and go to summer school when I had a mix o A's and B's. Back on topic, she had so many damn rules that were fucking wrong, and my "brother" turned into such a power hog that he would fucking stalk me in hopes to get me grounded. (bastard) Also, she never fucking lets me see friends with her concent. So now I'm up to like five hour walks around town in attempt to cool off.


Now I sit down, and I never talk, and I barely eat, and I'm so fucking nice to people that it makes me sick. I mean damn, I guess I never really had a fucking childhood because I always had to work my ass off for things even my mom had "given" something to me as a "gift." I learned at an early age that nothing is fucking fair, and that everything in life is hard....

You see, these are only a FEW of my problems, and if you want me to elaborate, simply ask.
 
My condolances for being born into Hell like the rest of us. At least you have some idea about why you are fucked up so there's hope you can overcome it. I hope you do. As much as this life sucks, you can still be an ok person if you work at it hard enough.
 
Yea, the way your were raised is inhumane. I hope your life becomes better soon.
Soon your not going to be a little kid, you'll make your own decisions. Just remember, there is always a tomorrow.
 
I really am sorry for all this. Have you talked to a counselor lately, like in the past year? When you do, do you tell them everything, and I mean everything that has occured. Hold nothing back. They can't help you if you don't let them know the facts.

I hope the best for you hun. You seem to be a pretty strong kid. I have a feeling when you can get out, you won't look back and will really make something of yourself. It's up to you.
 
You really should get help. Try those child service thingies.

Have you tried living with your father and such? (As in ask your father before your mother)

Edit: Try family counselling. Your mom really needs help as well.
 
Ya... I've tried family counseling, but that is just something that gets me angry. Whenever I've came to my mother in complaint about her, she would go to my asshole brother, my stepdad, and call my dad over and make this bigass speech about why I'm worse than her and how I'm such a shitty kid. Anyway... family counseling is not an option.



That sounds like a fortune cookie's reading. :) Been going to chinese restaurants lately?
 
It's harder than you'd think to not let her boss me around. My brother is a complete faggot and in his thirst for power, enforces our mother's wims and dumbass rules to a rediculous degree and mass of people. (he applies them to mine and possibly his own friends too) This is a major complication because my brother can beat the shit out of me easily... (he has 60 pounds on me). Also, he does not apply these rules to himself, or at least he is more flexible when he comes into conflict with "the rules," than with me. (which really pisses me off) In other words, my brother and my mother complete a "shared dictatorship" of the household, in which my brother is the eyes and muscle, and my mother is the less-than-sufficient brain.
 
mmm...Cheese Seriously this thread frustrates me. I wish I could help you. Sadly Im a little small too. You are going to have to out smart your brother some how to breaking a rule so badly, it has to go noticed. Then see how your mom acts. Once she bends the rules for him, attack her verbally and contradict her own rules making them acceptable for you to perform.

If you already tried this.. Have you thought about a car bomb?
 
Some people have said to rebel, and I think that's a good idea... just you have to be smart the way you do it. The only real people who can help you are the authorities.

I had to go to a class thing when I was arrested, and the people there were real nice (the instructors). I asked them about my friend (who's in a comparable situation to yours) and what would happen if she ran away. They said that the police would get involved, and they would get a popo counselor in there who would figure out the family's real problems (like family probation), and they would try to figure out what would make a teen so desperate that they would run away from a nice life (seemingly).

At least thats how it is where I live (Texas), dunno how the popo are where you live.
 
Dude. I dont know if you can accept this but if this helps...:)

First of; try to change your attitude on how you see your mom. Its not easy I know. But just try to make a list of how you were treated good atleast once by your mom. Try to see what all good qualities your mom has that you admire or like that you believe is one strength of your mom. Instead of finding faults, try to find the good stuff. Man accept the truth. She is your mom. She gave you protection in her womb for 10 months so that you may live. Think this was so easy. I dont think so. You didnt ask her to do it for you, did you? She gave you life. Think about it. YOUR LIFE. Its for you to enjoy. But hey she is your mom and she has that right over you. You are never over your mom no matter how big you grow.

Saying all this, I still know how sometimes moms can be so much over powering and controlling that you have no freedom in your life. But I think that this is b'cuz she is concerned about you. You dont know the pain of not having anybody like your mom to look after you. Thousands of people around the world (orphans) wish for atleast that one day when they would be loved by a mom, to be disciplined by her. You must be thankful.

I dont think that the over powering thing is great. Its not great I know. But what you can do is to change your attitude and start showing love to your mom. Its you who has to start it. Show her how you are proud of her for who she is and not what she does. Respect her as your mom. Talk to her and thank her for the different things that she helps you with. Make her feel special during those special occassions. Volunteer to help her from your side, not when she asks you to. Just do it. Try it. Just Respect her. Remember the old saying "Give Respect;Take Respect". When you start respecting her and admitting her, she "WILL" (fo sho) start respecting you back fo sho. :D

And taking life as hell :confused: is not the deal. Your success depends on how well you can deal with all the probs in your life. Dealing with probs is sure not easy, it is hardwork and painful and definitely perseverance fo sho. This should be your long term goal and not your short term goal. You may not find results right away, but do not be dishearted. Perseverance is the key. Just showing how you disrespect her is not the way. Because that is too easy and it will only make your life worse. There is no sweet if you know no bitter. So take the hard road and you will find good results.

I am no counselor or experienced problem solver :rolleyes: but these are what I learnt in life. Reply and let me know what you think. Cool :thumbsup:

And Remember to always keep Loving.;)
 
I appreciate the time and thought you put into your post, Josh. I don't think you read the whole thread though. This isn't a normal case of a strict mother. There appears to be major neglect here. Your advice would be fine for the normal, everyday, whiny kids who just complain about strictness and parents. This is elevated to really needing outside help here.

Cheese, I know you've said you've talked to counselors and such, but you didn't answer my question earlier on whether or not you've told someone everything, including the past abuse from your babysitters. If you keep pushing the issues with the professionals, eventually (probably quicker than you think) the authorities will step in. If not, you are in a seriously screwed up school.

If you would rather get out from beneath her perhaps to a relative or some adult that could and would take you in, you could push things. If you have a relative that would take you in, the courts usually work with you, they'd rather you go to a relative than end up in foster care.
 
I don't have any relatives who would take me in. I mean, all of my mother's relatives live in Korea... and all of my dad's relatives live in the lower 48 and are like... 90, or won't accept my dad because he's not in a good financial position. (which by the way is improving:happysad: )

Also, no, I've never went all out with a counselor. Then again, I don't see how it could help to. I mean, I experiment with them. I take a few problems, think out all of the outcomes for the developement of that child, and then I go to the counselor and ask for help with them. What I find is that the counselors in Alaska are shitty. I mean, I opened up ONCE just to find out would happen if I opened up most all the way, and boy-o-boy did that blow up in my face! Eventually, I found that he was twisting my words that he might get a fix that he could argue helped, but in reality didn't. In other words he was just looking to geht paid.... His actions ended up in getting me into a LOT of trouble because my mother wouldn't believe a word I'd say anymore about anything. Also, it made my dad aware of pain that I was intentionally hiding from him. Because I didn't want him to worry, because he was the only one who ever cared....
 
The one peice of advice that i can give you is remember your inner stength, to have got through that amount and still be able to be nice (even though it may sicken you) and communicate to other people is something that cannot be said of others.

Many people have risen from situations (and the fact that you can state these situations only deepens my belief in the widely unnoticed and unconsidered slow downfall of society) that are of a parallel to the atrocities that have befallen you.

Use your obvious intelligence to create. Many famous artists have taken inspiration from their emotions and experiences, if nothing else it will help distract your mind and give you something for you to focus on.

:thumbsup:
 
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