Comments on my poem, please......?

LeenieLuvsYou

New member
Dreaming

I saw you ambling through the endless, rolling, wheat fields
I began to run to you, now realizing the powder-blue dress covering my porcelain skin.
I ran faster and faster, but you just got farther and farther.

I desperately shouted your name, only to find a whisper,
I pushed myself to run faster, but it was no use,
Now you’re just a perfect spec on the horizon, getting smaller every second,
And every second, my heart sinks further into the darkness

My knees buckle under the weight of my pain, and I collapse onto the ground
The ground was soft and clammy, so I decide to curl up, and try to forget this pain

Slowly, I drifted to sleep,
Hoping to never awake back into this nightmare.



When I awoke, I could feel the warm blanket neatly draped across me.
And I saw your face light up into a brilliant white smile
It had just occurred to me that the sun had set, and the candlelight was all that remained

As I rubbed my eyes to make sure it was real, I felt the dried dirt and tears on my face
Everything was nice…peaceful.
But when I turn, a look of pain sweeps across your angelic face,
As the dagger plunges into your back, and through your heart.
And once again, my frantic cries couldn't be heard as I darted to your side

There you lay; no way to revive you, no kiss, no antidote can bring you back.
I can feel the tears streaming down my face again now.
Yet again, my knees buckle under the weight of my pain, but this time, I don’t fall alone,
I fall next to you.

I ease the dagger out of your back, and plunge it into my chest,
Wishing it’d drive straight through my heart and numb my pain.

The light starts to dim, as I feel the blood saturating my elegant, blue dress
Until it’s all gone, the light, the pain, everything.

When I awake, there’s not blood, no pain, no dress, no dead lover, no dagger, just me.
Me, alone in my room, under the hot blankets
I was just dreaming,



it's still a work in progress
 
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