Comment on another poem.......?

M

Mike

New member
I am a shadow
I cling onto people
Because im not considered a real person
My feelings don’t matter
I melt in the spotlight
I do not get my “15” seconds of fame
Im not important
I don’t even get a name
Im not a part of society
Just a part of another person
Im just there
You hit me
Kick me
Walk all over me
And you don’t even notice
It may seem like I don’t feel pain
But I do
Not on the outside
But inside the heart gently weeps
I am a shadow.
 
I didn't think it was really good, but it was poetry at the very least.

The poem fails to give me much detail of what's happening, what do you feel? I don't want you to just tell me what you do, I want to know what's happening in the characters head!

This poem... is like only a scrape on the skin. You can see the damage, but it will never leave a scar. Or in this case, it's very forgettable.

I think you should add details. Even if it's really minor, we want to know the feeling in this poem.

"You hit me" How did you hit me?
"Kick me" How did you feel?

Honestly, it leaves me confused at what's happening.
 
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