Coming up on 1 year - cravings!

[Wild Irish Rose]

I can't figure out what's up with me, and I thought some wiser minRAB might be able to give me some insights (I know that sounRAB kinda strange, but...that's just how I am ).

I'll be off opiates (tho still on suboxone) one year on 7/17. For the last couple of weeks, I've been thinking about the old stuff again...Norco/Vicodin/codeine were my DOCs. I don't want to trigger anyone, so I won't get detailed, but several times a day I'll just think about the way I used to feel when I used (the false-euphoria, not the bad stuff ).

I also have chronic pain, and my pain level has been off the charts lately. Just got back from a 2 week vacation, and rather than being relaxed, I'm wound up in knots. Trying to distract myself by doing not thinking, getting as much exercise and rest as I can (both are difficult because of pain).

I'm wondering if I'm trying to sabotage myself, if there's an "anniversary" thing that kicks in (tho I haven't felt like this at any of my other important anniversaries, but this will be a big one for me), if my brain circuitry is shorting out because of the pain...

This is very worrying to me, because thus far, recovery has almost seemed too easy. Obviously the sub is helping a lot, and maybe the cravings are coming back because my doc is lowering my dose, starting to taper, but I'm still on 4 mgs/day, and that's not a low dose.

I see my doc this afternoon, and I'm going to talk to him about it (altho he and I don't have much of a rapport, I've got to be truthful with him). I'm hoping he doesn't want to raise my sub dose again, because I just want off this d@mn drug, but if he does want to raise it temporarily, and it would help, I guess it's durab to be resistant?

I'm worried, scared, confused....I don't want to talk to my family about this, because I put them through enough when I was using, and they're all saying they're starting to trust me again, and it's nice having the "real" me back again....I just don't want to worry them, or have them think every time I'm tired (pain doesn't let me sleep very well) and a bit groggy that I'm using again.

Has anyone had anything like this happen to them, and what worked for you? I just can't relapse, but these cravings are hell!

Sorry for the long post, grateful for any help.

rose

 

[brianpain33]

It is a very normal thing whenever there is an anniversary approaching. You will probably get many people that will tell you this. I know in NA they tell you that anniversaries can be a trigger and alot of people DO relapse around those anniversary dates. I went through this just recently when I was approaching 30 days but I got through it and things are better.

I think it is our disease that is telling us things like:
"Oh you made it this far, you are doing great you deserve just 1 come on"
"You are not going to succeed at this recovery thing, so just go ahead and use"
"You know that you will use eventually so why are you denying yourself to feel good"

DON'T LISTEN TO THESE LIES. Here is what your disease wants:

IT WANTS TO SEE YOU SUFFER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND TO KILL YOU That is the goal of your addiction and you must be willing to do anything possible to not let this happen. I am glad that you came here and told on your disease. Our secrets will only keep us sick and eventually we will use over the feeling, if we do not tell on our disease. You don't have to relapse over a feeling or a thought, they can't make you use ok?

Tell yourself that just for today you will focus on your recovery, living and ENJOYING LIFE, without the use of drugs.

If you find that the pain is getting to be too much then you need to tell your doctor this. The Suboxone can be good at treating pain and I can almost guarantee you that this is why your pain has increased, because of lowering the Suboxone. I think that you need to ask your doctor to allow you to take something (non-narcotic) for your pain. There are many choices so please talk to your doctor about it and get a referral to a pain managment doctor if you need to. Just make sure you are honest with any doctor you go to and tell them that you are a recovering addict and can not take narcotic medications. Good luck and keep us posted. DON'T USE.

brian

 

[Secrets1983]

Hey there!

I am sorry to hear of your struggles! One thing I do understand about addiction are the cravings that come along with it. I deal with them everyday almost!

Anniversary's can trigger them but a lot of other things can to. For me... Stress is a big one. When life becomes too much... a craving kicks in like no tomorrow for me. Going to a social gathering that I used to have my meRAB to take before to make me more outgoing is another. Pain of course is a given because no one enjoys pain and you going down on your dose of sub is not helping with that either.

I am no expert on Sub by any means but there are others on here that know a lot more than I that I am sure that can help! The previous poster hit is head on... Our addictions do mess with our minRAB, they will try to give us every excuse known to man to use so that we feel justified.. When that happens to me I literally say outloud if I am alone "That's ENOUGH! I am in control, YOU are not" If I am not alone I say the same thing in my head!! Over and over again if I have to and then I pray.... Not sure if you are into that or not but if you are... it does help.

You have so much to be proud of. Speak to your dr. and let him know this is happening. If you are in enough pain that it is messing with your quality of life maybe there is something non narcotic or physical therapy or something they can do to help.

You hang in there and keep us posted please.. We will be thinking of you!
Hugs!