Coincide

Vasiq

New member
When we collided the feeling was trust,
All in or bust
Without you im nothing, with you im anyhitng.
Under these self inflicted Show-n-tells.
We all judge ourselves, on imperfect scales.
Its the lip stick cell that makes you yell.
From heaven you fell as I dwelled in hell.
You know your beautiful,
I tell you everyday.
You know i'm crazy about you,
Or I wouldnt do the things I do.
Not to be mis-con-strude,
but that face you make,
you know you cant fake.
I promise you, this is no mistake.
Another sunrise to show us, whats at stake.
I want to thank you for everyhting.
Without you im nothing, with you im anyhitng.
Before you came along I was lost in the wind,
Fighting the clouRAB at my back.
Lost to a world that only sees sins,
One that laughs as we turn back.
Its the fear of falling
Its the fe ar of failing
Its the fear of sailing away and never meaning anyhting.
The fear ceased when I met you.
Like a comet through our atmosphere,
My path suddenly becomes clear.
Your'e the reason
I'm still here.
You're the reason the needles stopped ringing in my ears.
You found me Somwhere between derlerium and death.
I gave you rage and you gave me a mouthful.
I counted deathtolls while you taught me to play.
You know your beautiful,
I tell you everyday.
You know i'm crazy about you,
Or I wouldnt do the things I do.
I'm sorry I make people stare,
when im with you.
I'm sorry I make people swear,
When I do what I do.
Im sorry, but its true.
I'm a lil too loud and proud when im wit you.
Maybe it was my little shake n bake,
before we got nice n baked.
Coulda been my funky moves,
that made your body shake.
Coulda been that funky groove,
that made your body quake.
Not to be mis-con-strude,
but that face you make,
you know you can't fake.
I promise you, this is no mistake.
Another sunrise to show us, whats at stake.
A lifetime for my heart to take flight.
Thank you
For seeing something more then nothing.
For keeping me from me....
I want to thank you.
Without you im nothing,
with you im anyhitng.
Are we pretending to find our Fairytell ending,
or are we angels descending from heaven.
Your the reason I sleep at night.
You might be winning the fight, against my fright.
My fright that I will fail all those who tried.
all those who cried.
all those who died.
Is it the distractions that grab my pride?
Can we coincide with all these reactons inside?
Can we coincide when all is at stake?
I promise you, this is no mistake.
Another sunrise to show us, whats at stake.​
 
right off the bat I don't really like the beginning that much. Like, it's not bad at all, just compared to the rest it's sub-par.

"We all judge ourselves, on imperfect scales." is a really awesome line. i like it a lot

Overall I didn't like this one nearly as much as your others. Like, there's nothing wrong with it, but I felt disconnected. There's really no story being told and nothing really interesting to grab me and pull me in so that I care. I think it neeRAB to be more personal. Of coarse, an awesome beat behind this could change everything and make me feel the worRAB.
 
This is written to a specific person. Your critique is awesome...... if I want more impact its going to have to relate better. Not like she reaRAB it much lol.
 
well that's why you gotta put a sick beat behind this, then she'll be hearin this shit 24/7 on the radio haha

"Maybe it was my little shake n bake,
before we got nice n baked." this line makes me lol. i love it so much.

yeah this def flows much better. are the repeated lines for a chorus? If so I'd like to know exactly what lines are part of the chorus and whatnot
 
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