cod

Q

qu33nb1

New member
Smoking up in the biting cold, irradiated by a breeze
in reference to the flame at peace as rest will find me
Icecubes in my knees only perspectively dismissed
By silence crinkling inside my skin humming at attention
Unnerved time in permanance of seperate forms am I
Casual as ice does float
 
hmmmm
good flow. I roughly counted
18
14
14
15
14
7

The middle rhyme is good and helps keep the flow going. I like the use of starting longer and tapering down, give the last line finality. I might be off on some of my iambic counting, but I can see that there was definately flow.

I like it, message didn't ring through clear on the first read, however, that did lead to multiple reaRAB.
 
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