Clean but still craving

  • Thread starter Thread starter granny0
  • Start date Start date
G

granny0

Guest
Hello Dear Reach,

As always thank you for your worRAB of wisdom. I just wish I knew how to apply them to myself. I'm haven't been an active addict in a year and a half, but I have never stopped craving pain meRAB. I go through cycles where I'm o.k. and then comes some pain issue or stress that causes pain and that's when the craving gets bad.

I honestly feel like I'm falling apart. My job has become stressful beyond belief. Working massive hours overtime. 12 hours a day at the computer and working from home at night and over the weekenRAB. This has been going on since mid Deceraber and there is no end in sight. I have constant neck and back pain.I thought I was having a stroke last Sunday. Pain in the left temple that would not let up. Spent half the day in bed. The headaches have continued to the point that I left work at 5:00 today and went to a urgent care center. My BP was 175/115 and that's on blood pressure meRAB. I got a shot in the butt of toradol and a script for some NSAIRAB - not what I was hoping for - I could have just continued taking double doses of advil.

Reach, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't continue like this but I cannot quit my job or even take a sick day because of how busy we are. Depression has reared it's ugly head again, even though I take Zoloft. I don't know whether to see a shrink, a neurologist or an orthopedics doctor or all of the above. Any suggestions? :confused:

Thanks for listening to me whine.....

JB
 
Hi JB

I am sorry that work is stressful and that a headache reached that extreme a level for you. Who wouldn't be craving some major relief??? Sending
some healing thoughts upwarRAB immediately for you.......


There, done.

Buddy, I am going to pull your worRAB apart a bit and offer some thoughts on them... all with love, okay? And from the perspective of someone who has also pushed beyond the linits at work for too long a time.

I go through cycles where I'm o.k. and then comes some pain issue or stress that causes pain and that's when the craving gets bad.


JB, until we learn to employ other techniques to quell anxiety, stress and pain, of course the cravings will be there! The brain falls back to what it knows has given us any kind of success and can't fall back on other tactics unless we use them.

I honestly feel like I'm falling apart. My job has become stressful beyond belief. Working massive hours overtime. 12 hours a day at the computer and working from home at night and over the weekenRAB. This has been going on since mid Deceraber and there is no end in sight. I have constant neck and back pain.I thought I was having a stroke last Sunday. Pain in the left temple that would not let up. Spent half the day in bed. The headaches have continued to the point that I left work at 5:00 today and went to a urgent care center. My BP was 175/115 and that's on blood pressure meRAB.

Uh, JB? Do you think your brain and body could be sending any clearer messsage to you???? Read your own worRAB, Girl!! Sitting at a computer for the lengths of time you are is going to cause nothing but headaches, backaches, stress, pain and exhaustion! Look at those blood pressure nurabers!!! Not good, friend, not good. It is no wonder at all that the brain is screaming for relief for itself and the body.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't continue like this but I cannot quit my job or even take a sick day because of how busy we are.

You can not take time off? Says who??? Says WHO???? Methinks it is YOU who says who! Smiles. Somehow I think that if that blood pressure had led to a stroke, taking time off would be a no-brainer. Are you waiting for that??? I know you are not. And yet, you ignore all the symptoms that are screaming to you. It comes from a misguided hyper-sense of obligation to a job. We put the job before our own well-being and that is such a risky practice. It is wrong, JB. Of course we have an obligation to always give the best we can to an employer, but never, never do we need to fulfill that obligation to such a degree that we risk our own health and well-being in the process. I went that route, JB, and pushed beyond my limits to perform at a job. For me, that included taking more and more painkillers to mask all the symptoms my own body was svreaming at me loud and clear. In turn, it all led to such a complete physical and mental breakdown that not only did I have to take time off, I had to leave the job completely.The physical pain I endured was ridiculous and just helped the depression to deepen and deepen to the point of no return. I worried constantly about what would happen if I took time off... how would we survive financially? what would my students do without me? The decision was ultimately made for me. I gave up any control I had in the decision when I refused to change what was going on. Well, we did somehow manage financially, the students went on to graduate and in the end, the person I hurt most was my own self. We often think there is no possibility of a solution when often the solution is staring us right in the face and we refuse to see it.



Depression has reared it's ugly head again, even though I take Zoloft.

JB, I need to gently help you correct some thinking here. You are depending on a pill once again to do all the work and do not seem to be willing to do your part to allow the medicine to work. Just like when we make it impossible for an antidepressant to work when we disable it with opiates and benzos, we also don't allow it to work when we do other things that disable it... like exhausting our bodies and minRAB. It is like someone popping a diet pill, but still eating junk and refusing to exercise.... that pill won't do diddly unless we also employ other tactics in our control. No pill will ever help us unless we simutaneously work at the root of the problem.

JB, I am not saying to quit your job or even take a long leave of absence. What I am saying is that reading your worRAB leaves no doubt that your body and brain are over-taxed and need a break so that they do not break thoroughly. If you were puking, you would stay home until it stopped, if you had a horrible flu, you would stay home... you would stay home, rest and regroup so that you could return and do the best job possible. Why in the world is this any different???? There is a major need here to get that pressure down, a major need to rest, a major need to LISTEN to what your brain is screaming at you. Stop with the "I can'ts" because you can. How many times in withdrawal did you think, "I can't do this" and yet the truth was you could because you did. You can take a break from work and all will survive. Mainly you. I sincerely belive that only by taking care of yourself when these things like pain and stress come up will the cravings stop. As you teach yourself to take measures that relieve the stress and pain (like rest), the brain will learn to use these alternate measures.

Geeze, I wish I could sit down with you face to face and say these things to you. I would give you a hug and tell you honestly that until we make ourselves the priority physically and mentally, we are goiung to have problems that are overwhelming. Think for a moment if you were reading your post and not writing it... what would you suggest to the person that was writing? That they continue to push beyond what is healthy? That they ignore what their brain is trying to tell them? It is okay, JB, to have the same sense of caring and sympathy for yourself as I know you would for others. Now, do it!

Hugs and love
reach
 
Wow Reach,

What a reply! I don't think you could have said anything better! I completely agree with you and think you gave her wonderful advice. There were some parts of it that hit so close to home for me that it actually made me tear up.

How do you always know what neeRAB to be said?

JB, listen to Reach. You owe it to yourself to put yourself first otherwise you will only feel worse and that is when it will be easier to fall victim to using pain pills again. Everything she said is so true and I hope you take it for what it's worth. I wish you nothing but the best and pray that you feel better soon and have the courage to take that break you really need! Look at how far you have come and how much you have accomplished! It's amazing.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers!
~Secrets
 
Dear Reach, THANK YOU SO MUCH for saying what I desperately needed to hear.
I know everything you said is right on target. I have always put everyone before myself, thus the not taking a sick day. If I'm out, the rest of my dept will be working 14 hour days rather than the 12 hours we are all putting in. It is them I care about, not the #*!@! company I work for. Guess I won't do my coworkers any good if I drop dead. Sadly, we're so busy that being in the hospital would be about the only ailment that would get any understanding.

Reach, I started reading your reply at work and had to slip out to my car for a smoke and a good cry. You don't know how much it means to me that you took so much time to respond to my cry for help. I have not admitted just how badly I'm doing right now to anyone (other than last nights post) because I don't want them to worry about me, although my husband is becoming quite concerned.

After I work on the files I brought home, I am going to try to come up with some kind of plan. I so don't want it to be a mental health issue that gets me out of this craziness. I have to admit, I've wished for a good broken bone or some nice kidney stones LOL - I know I' m a nut.;) I think I'm going to see if my own doctor can see me tomorrow or Friday and take it from there.

Many thanks and hugs,
Love,
JB


PS - Secrets, thank you for your kinRAB worRAB and prayers. You are such a sweetheart.
 
JB, I am usually on the chronic pain site but have posted here a few times. I can say nothing more than reach has said but to tell you my own tale. I too gave 150% when I was able to work. Where I worked it was open 365 days a year from 6am to 10pm. I ran a few departments and felt I needed to be there all the time. In addition, I had a 40 minute commute and if that wasn't enough, I was "promoted" and that meant flying out Friday nights after work, working in one state Saturday and if I was lucky and didn't need to fly somewhere else for Sunday, I got to go home Saturday night.

No normal person could keep that up and unfortunately I am normal(well...). I crashed hard and often. I was lucky my boss was lenient, but I usually ended up in the hospital and out for weeks. Ultimately becoming so ill, I had to leave my job. I could never say no and I never wanted to let anyone down, but myself. Trust me it's not worth it.

Melissa
 
Hey Sweetpea

Just checking to see how you are today? Make that appointment with the doc?

Love yourself, JB. Love yourself.

Hugs
reach
 
God love you Reach! Something made me check this as busy as I am.
YES, I have a 1:15 appt and am going to ask for an EKG. I really think
something may be going on with my heart. Maybe that would get me out
of work.:dizzy: I have a fantasy of my Doctor calling the office and saying I
can't come back LOL

Thank you for thinking of me.

JB
 
Back
Top