BloopieBlooper
New member
I have two classes with a girl at my University and, I don't want to be rude, uncaring or burn any bridges with her (she has the same major as I do and we both transferred in at the same level so I suspect I will be running into her during the next 2 years). However, I am having some issues.
She seems to constantly complain about 2 main issues, yet doesn't seem to want to do anything about them. One issue is that she was laid off from her job because she informed them she was going to back to school full time and her job wasn't willing/able to accomodate her hours. She has filed for unemployment and has been denied, so she is currently awaiting an appeal decision. She has told her boyfriend he needs to support her and he (for good reason) says he is not sure that is going to work for him.She has applied for some jobs but it really sounds like she is hoping she wins her appeal to get unemployment. I have suggested looking for babysitting/nanny/substitute jobs like I have been doing but she says she wants to hang out with her boyfriend on the weekend. She has asked me a few times how I afford things and asks if my boyfriend supports me (no he does not!) I have tried to explain that my situation is way different. For one, I took out a loan which pays my portion of the rent, and saved up a couple thousand dollars before school started because I didn't think I was going to be able to keep my hours at my job. Also, I have been doing some babysitting and while my boyfiend doesn't support me, we do pool our incomes and sit down every Friday to do our budget for the following week. When times are good, we save money in the bank to help cushion us for months where we have more expenses. I have tried to gently explain that my boyfriend and my deal works because we are on the same page and suggested she talk to her boyfriend about how to make things work until she gets a job and what some of their options are.
The other issue that she complains about is the grade she is earning in one of our classes. The class is no doubt challening and a lot of people peformed poorly on our midterm, including her. I understand how she is feeling, she is not sure she will pass and we need this class in order to declare the major. We have studied together and again, I have explained to her what I do when she asks: I use notecards and as much as I don't want to, I usually read on the weekends. I highlight and sometimes take notes. I look up words I don't understand. I know she is having a difficult time but it doesn't seem like she is really comitted to the class and approaches it in a half hearted way. That worked at our community college, but this is a University course. I also notices that she often uses Facebook or works on homework for another class during the lectures. I got kind of pissed off that she was reading my answerss for the midterm and comparing my B score to her D score. She even said she wanted to take my test to the professor to prove to him that she should have received the same grade as me because our answers were the same. I didn't want to criticize her answers and make her feel worse, but I didn't think her answers were very thorough and some of them didn't have the correct info. I just put away my test (no way she is taking it to the professor!) and tried to encourage her to go talk to her TA and find out what she needs to do to pass. She seems to complain over and over that she doesn't like the Professor, her TA and that the class is too hard . I agree that the class is hard, but that's the way it is and we need it for our major, so ask your TA or the Professor for their suggestions on how to pass it and move on!
I want to listen and empathize. I am going to stop giving advice, which I know better to do anyway because when people are upset they just want to be heard. But at the same, time how much do I have to listen when I really think the person isn't willing to solve their own problem. I can't really feel sorry for you when you don't pay attention in class and you admit to not reading the asignments thoroughly. Any polite statements I can say or ways I can keep myself out of it or get out of having to give any more advice that she won't follow anyway?
She seems to constantly complain about 2 main issues, yet doesn't seem to want to do anything about them. One issue is that she was laid off from her job because she informed them she was going to back to school full time and her job wasn't willing/able to accomodate her hours. She has filed for unemployment and has been denied, so she is currently awaiting an appeal decision. She has told her boyfriend he needs to support her and he (for good reason) says he is not sure that is going to work for him.She has applied for some jobs but it really sounds like she is hoping she wins her appeal to get unemployment. I have suggested looking for babysitting/nanny/substitute jobs like I have been doing but she says she wants to hang out with her boyfriend on the weekend. She has asked me a few times how I afford things and asks if my boyfriend supports me (no he does not!) I have tried to explain that my situation is way different. For one, I took out a loan which pays my portion of the rent, and saved up a couple thousand dollars before school started because I didn't think I was going to be able to keep my hours at my job. Also, I have been doing some babysitting and while my boyfiend doesn't support me, we do pool our incomes and sit down every Friday to do our budget for the following week. When times are good, we save money in the bank to help cushion us for months where we have more expenses. I have tried to gently explain that my boyfriend and my deal works because we are on the same page and suggested she talk to her boyfriend about how to make things work until she gets a job and what some of their options are.
The other issue that she complains about is the grade she is earning in one of our classes. The class is no doubt challening and a lot of people peformed poorly on our midterm, including her. I understand how she is feeling, she is not sure she will pass and we need this class in order to declare the major. We have studied together and again, I have explained to her what I do when she asks: I use notecards and as much as I don't want to, I usually read on the weekends. I highlight and sometimes take notes. I look up words I don't understand. I know she is having a difficult time but it doesn't seem like she is really comitted to the class and approaches it in a half hearted way. That worked at our community college, but this is a University course. I also notices that she often uses Facebook or works on homework for another class during the lectures. I got kind of pissed off that she was reading my answerss for the midterm and comparing my B score to her D score. She even said she wanted to take my test to the professor to prove to him that she should have received the same grade as me because our answers were the same. I didn't want to criticize her answers and make her feel worse, but I didn't think her answers were very thorough and some of them didn't have the correct info. I just put away my test (no way she is taking it to the professor!) and tried to encourage her to go talk to her TA and find out what she needs to do to pass. She seems to complain over and over that she doesn't like the Professor, her TA and that the class is too hard . I agree that the class is hard, but that's the way it is and we need it for our major, so ask your TA or the Professor for their suggestions on how to pass it and move on!
I want to listen and empathize. I am going to stop giving advice, which I know better to do anyway because when people are upset they just want to be heard. But at the same, time how much do I have to listen when I really think the person isn't willing to solve their own problem. I can't really feel sorry for you when you don't pay attention in class and you admit to not reading the asignments thoroughly. Any polite statements I can say or ways I can keep myself out of it or get out of having to give any more advice that she won't follow anyway?