Hello everyone. Crocheting, CC, Linda, Magdolene, & everyone else I hope you're all ok. Sorry to cause concern. As usual I'm having a hard day. Fortunately, so far no alcohol but the depression & Bulimia is beating me up. Spent most of last night binging & purging. Still don't have heat in the house so this adRAB to the depression. I kind of feel like I deserve this because of all my self-abuse. I've thrown away so much because of my addictions. Had a good job w/the state as a correctional officer but blew that because of booze. Now I've lost the use of my Rt. arm because of a drunken fall & don't know what I'm going to do for a living. Will soon run out of savings. All this because of alcoholism & I know it could be much worse. So thankful I never hurt anybody but myself. Part of me wants to drink so I can shut down. I don't know if I would survive another binge & detox.. The alcoholic Neuropathy has my lirabs nurab & freezing. I'm not seeking pity as I did this to myself. I'm just pleading w/all of you good people to please do whatever you can to recover from whatever addiction you're suffering. Life is too short for us to do this to ourselves. I just hope I can make through this weekend w/o drinking. I'm going to do the best I can. I will keep the computer on so if I can possibly help any of you I'm here. I consider all of you my dear frienRAB & you all have been a blessing to me. With Love, Mike
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- Thread starter Mike S
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C
crocheting
Guest
Hey Mike been waiting to hear from you. I am sorry you are having such a bad time. Stop beating yourself up, we all make mistakes...only a real man can own it when he does something wrong, we have to learn to love ourselfs....so we can heal properly. CO is a great job, my best friend's husband is a co, and I have 10 cousins who are police officers. Listen Mike...please remeraber that not all hope should be lost to get your life back. As soon as you are well, you will work again...I just know it. Maybe in the future you would look into being a police dispatcher? There are lot of jobs you can do sitting down, with a bad hand. Just think of all you have accomplished in a few weeks, it's HUGE! Stopping the drinking and your bulima, of course depression will settle in....that's normal because of what your going through. You need to make an appt. Next week to see your doctor about the depression. If your gives you something for the depression, you will feel stronger mentally so you can battle the drinking and bulima. It is just not healthy to go through all that you are, without taking something for the depression. I feel very confident that I am right, I hope you think about it. Be honest with your doctor about the bulima too. With all that your going throuGh right now, including not being able to work.....that can be even more difficult for a man. The reason is, a man has to FEEL like a man, and when so much is taken away.....and he can't work either....weather he did it to himself or not....a man feels like his manhood has been taken from him as well. Please don't forget, that the bulima and drinking are a real illness. No one wants to suffer this way. Give yourself a break, so you can learn to love yourself. With med. For the depression and forgiving yourself, this will make your day to day life easier! Mike....then you will see a future for yourself.....getting a career back ect. Sorry I am so long winded, that's just me! Boy....you sure help me to see my plan of action clearer. There are not a lot of men in this world that would reach out for help . I wish you could see just how much you have already accomplished. Hope to hear from you soon!
Crocheting
Crocheting
Crocheting, I really can't express how much I appreciate you checking on me. I see you live in CA. I grew up in southern CA. in the town Tujunga. Still no booze but I kind of feel paralized. I'm a mess & my house is a mess but can't seem to get moving. It's strange because I've always been immaculate. I hope this passes. I've been on various anti-depressants for years w/ little help. Currently taking Prozac. I'm also taking Neurontin for the Neuropathy pain but it doesn't help much. Was on Vicodin but stopped it because I started abusing it. I've fought with the Bulimia for about 16yrs. Seems like when not drinking the Bulimia takes over. My problems are all self-imposed. What a waste. When I try to to be still all I see in my head is picking up my dead Mother off the floor. I don't mean to be morbid it's just that I can't seem to put it at rest. I want to emphasize that I'm not looking for pity. I know I'm certainly not the only one that's experienced death. Not blaming my alcoholism on this event as I was an alcoholic prior. Maybe I'm immature, I don't know. I just know that if I continue drinking I will die. Hope the rest of your weekend is good & please stay in touch. Mike
R
reachout
Guest
Heya Mike
Mike, your last post was very telling to me. Behind abuse of drugs, alcohol, food, whatever, there is a hidden grief, a stuffed-down sorrow, some kind of hurt and pain that we have not been able to cope with so we turn to some sunstance to run from our pain. It seems too unbearable to deal with, so we don't... but in oits place, we end up with an addiction to deal with as well as the unresolved grief. It is a vicious circle, friend.
It is so cliche sounding, but the truth is, deal with the grief and the addiction becomes possible to control. As I tapered down from opiates and then benzos, so much time was spent in grieving and crying. It was not only the depression that comes when we lower our substance abuse, it was the past hurts that I had buried deep. As I moved along in ther drug taper, I spent many hours with my doctors, a clinical social worker and my very own self working at healing from so many things. I learned to accept the pain and have dealt with it. It is a long, hard journey, but it is one of such self-discovery. We can do it, Mike. Yes, we can and in the end we can become whole again... and happy and capable of feeling joy again.
If you do not have insurance, then please, get yourself to a county agency and get some professional help in dealing with the alcoholism as well as the past hurt. The two go hand in hand. We learn new ways of dealing with our emotions both good and bad. The brain learns and restores itself and in the process, we find our souls again. It is amazing, Mike, and it is true. It is there for you as much as it is for any one of us. We learn to walk along in life on life's terms. I do believe that addicts are a most caring kind of people. Life can hurt us deeply when it hurts and we need help in learning how to handle it.
I wish you all good things in your journey here and pray for a measure of comfort to fill you.
Hugs
reach
Mike, your last post was very telling to me. Behind abuse of drugs, alcohol, food, whatever, there is a hidden grief, a stuffed-down sorrow, some kind of hurt and pain that we have not been able to cope with so we turn to some sunstance to run from our pain. It seems too unbearable to deal with, so we don't... but in oits place, we end up with an addiction to deal with as well as the unresolved grief. It is a vicious circle, friend.
It is so cliche sounding, but the truth is, deal with the grief and the addiction becomes possible to control. As I tapered down from opiates and then benzos, so much time was spent in grieving and crying. It was not only the depression that comes when we lower our substance abuse, it was the past hurts that I had buried deep. As I moved along in ther drug taper, I spent many hours with my doctors, a clinical social worker and my very own self working at healing from so many things. I learned to accept the pain and have dealt with it. It is a long, hard journey, but it is one of such self-discovery. We can do it, Mike. Yes, we can and in the end we can become whole again... and happy and capable of feeling joy again.
If you do not have insurance, then please, get yourself to a county agency and get some professional help in dealing with the alcoholism as well as the past hurt. The two go hand in hand. We learn new ways of dealing with our emotions both good and bad. The brain learns and restores itself and in the process, we find our souls again. It is amazing, Mike, and it is true. It is there for you as much as it is for any one of us. We learn to walk along in life on life's terms. I do believe that addicts are a most caring kind of people. Life can hurt us deeply when it hurts and we need help in learning how to handle it.
I wish you all good things in your journey here and pray for a measure of comfort to fill you.
Hugs
reach
C
crocheting
Guest
Hi
Mike....thanks for the post. Self imposed is not why you are sick. You have to stop thinking that. I am also very hard on myself. Mike.....you are WAY to hard on yoursel, it sounRAB like the depression talking, I know it is hard I also battle depression. I beat myself up daily because I take more norco than 6 per day! I didn't mean to slip and fall, but I don't regret defending myself years earlier drink off my *##. Ship happens in life, and it is all about the way we handle it. My good friend Mike is a warrior, just look what you have accomplished in 15 days, I'm proud of you Tell me if it is none of my business.....do you have any kiRAB? I couldn't imagine finding the women who gave you life on the floor deceased, that is huge! If you want to talk about it, feel free. Sometimes we have to get the pain out, in order to rebuild ourselves. Your on the right track. Always have lots to say. Little at a time I will tell you how acahol affect my life since I was a little tot. I have been Devestated my it my whole life! I am not a doc. Of course, but I think maybe your bulima and drinking came from pain you suffered in your life? Have you talked to your doctor about the bulima? Let me know if I am getting to personal! I hope your ok tonight, what do you do to pass the time? I post with my blackberry cell, so I am everywhere around the house. Or kicking it in the backyard having a smoke. Don't want to quit yet. My hubby works lots, I have felt this deep lonineSs in dealing with the norco. Now that I found peeps like me, I don't cry when I am alone anymore. Kicking it right now in the back yard having a smoke freezing my as off. I am proud of myself worked for years in management positions, been a great homemaker for over 10 yrs. And love it! Post back when you have time.
Feeling your pain, Crocheting
Mike....thanks for the post. Self imposed is not why you are sick. You have to stop thinking that. I am also very hard on myself. Mike.....you are WAY to hard on yoursel, it sounRAB like the depression talking, I know it is hard I also battle depression. I beat myself up daily because I take more norco than 6 per day! I didn't mean to slip and fall, but I don't regret defending myself years earlier drink off my *##. Ship happens in life, and it is all about the way we handle it. My good friend Mike is a warrior, just look what you have accomplished in 15 days, I'm proud of you Tell me if it is none of my business.....do you have any kiRAB? I couldn't imagine finding the women who gave you life on the floor deceased, that is huge! If you want to talk about it, feel free. Sometimes we have to get the pain out, in order to rebuild ourselves. Your on the right track. Always have lots to say. Little at a time I will tell you how acahol affect my life since I was a little tot. I have been Devestated my it my whole life! I am not a doc. Of course, but I think maybe your bulima and drinking came from pain you suffered in your life? Have you talked to your doctor about the bulima? Let me know if I am getting to personal! I hope your ok tonight, what do you do to pass the time? I post with my blackberry cell, so I am everywhere around the house. Or kicking it in the backyard having a smoke. Don't want to quit yet. My hubby works lots, I have felt this deep lonineSs in dealing with the norco. Now that I found peeps like me, I don't cry when I am alone anymore. Kicking it right now in the back yard having a smoke freezing my as off. I am proud of myself worked for years in management positions, been a great homemaker for over 10 yrs. And love it! Post back when you have time. Feeling your pain, Crocheting
L
Lugar22
Guest
GoshMike.......Im soooo relieved to see that ur still posting. Its strange but I feel a real connection with all of you on the board and find myself thinking bout each of you thru the day.
Here here , crocheting and reach. By golly those lasses have great advice. Not always easy to put into practice though , eh mate? You need to deal with the underlying issues of your grief to be able to deal with you're other stuff. Would your counsellor be able to see ya a bit more often? Also , I was thinking about your bulimia and remebering that I was given some meRAB some time ago now to help with this. Sorry , cant recall the name of the meRAB but have you been able to speak to your dr about this issue? I know that its hard , especially cause eating disorders within men are\still very much taboo.Just a thought.
I think all of our problems are 'self imposed' to a certain extent but that doesnt mean we deserve to live as we do. We do try to battle our demons and dont WANT to be this way,its just we need to find healthy ways to deal with stuff we find hard rather than rely on stuff we know will damage us. I do wonder if sometimes we choose this type of outlet because we dont feel worthy of much. Certainly for me,I have spent much of my life not feeling like Im worth much so it didnt seem that bad to get in to drugs. I mean, it didnt really matter that I might screw up. But I now want to change aND AM faced with changing habits of a lifetime.
Update with me is awful. I went 3 days with no street drugs (just my script to stop WRAB) and slipped up this a.m. Now Im back to step 1 (again) and feeling LOUSY. Have made someone I trust take my cash card away till Thurs to try and break temptation. I need to sort this cause I just cant go on much longer. Im tired and low.
Enough of me........did ya get your heat fixed yet?
Look forward to hearing from you......love , your friend , CC.
Here here , crocheting and reach. By golly those lasses have great advice. Not always easy to put into practice though , eh mate? You need to deal with the underlying issues of your grief to be able to deal with you're other stuff. Would your counsellor be able to see ya a bit more often? Also , I was thinking about your bulimia and remebering that I was given some meRAB some time ago now to help with this. Sorry , cant recall the name of the meRAB but have you been able to speak to your dr about this issue? I know that its hard , especially cause eating disorders within men are\still very much taboo.Just a thought.
I think all of our problems are 'self imposed' to a certain extent but that doesnt mean we deserve to live as we do. We do try to battle our demons and dont WANT to be this way,its just we need to find healthy ways to deal with stuff we find hard rather than rely on stuff we know will damage us. I do wonder if sometimes we choose this type of outlet because we dont feel worthy of much. Certainly for me,I have spent much of my life not feeling like Im worth much so it didnt seem that bad to get in to drugs. I mean, it didnt really matter that I might screw up. But I now want to change aND AM faced with changing habits of a lifetime.
Update with me is awful. I went 3 days with no street drugs (just my script to stop WRAB) and slipped up this a.m. Now Im back to step 1 (again) and feeling LOUSY. Have made someone I trust take my cash card away till Thurs to try and break temptation. I need to sort this cause I just cant go on much longer. Im tired and low.
Enough of me........did ya get your heat fixed yet?
Look forward to hearing from you......love , your friend , CC.