Well the assignment I have is to come up with a scene that tells a lot about the charactor.
That's pretty much it.
I have three simple questions. ((If you want, you can answer only one or two, but I prefer all three))
One is simply could you edit// help me re-word some phrases you find unfit?
Or maybe even words to better describe.
Two would be one word you think is "shown" not "told" the describes this little girl.
Three. Maybe an idea for the ending?
The sketch:
Isabella had just come inside. As she fumbles to balance her surprise for daddy as she brushes some dirt off her yellow, checkered sundress. The dog makes it even more difficult by licking her face. Daddy was going to love her present. She had spent all morning outside gathering it up. It was hard work out in the morning sun for such a small child.
She heard daddy's footsteps coming down the hall. Isabella carefully hid the flowers behind her back, but they still flopped to the side. She didn't notice. Her focus was daddy walking through the doorway.
"Good morning, pumpkin." He said as he looked in the fridge for something to eat. He pretended not to notice the choked smile on her face.
She finally released that smile into the largest one she could manage as she said "Daddy. I gots you somethin'!" Then she whipped the bouquet full of a rainbow of carefully picked flowers towards his face, as he turned around.
At first, he only looked a bit surprised but then he smiled and crounched down to her level. "They are beautiful! But where did you get them?" he asked.
Isabella's face turned a deep shade of pink. She didn't want to get in trouble. The only response he got was she shook her head side to side, staring at the ground, embarassed.
Daddy sighed. He knew that the only garden nearby with tulips like ion the bouqet was the neighbor Ruth's.
That's pretty much it.
I have three simple questions. ((If you want, you can answer only one or two, but I prefer all three))
One is simply could you edit// help me re-word some phrases you find unfit?
Or maybe even words to better describe.
Two would be one word you think is "shown" not "told" the describes this little girl.
Three. Maybe an idea for the ending?
The sketch:
Isabella had just come inside. As she fumbles to balance her surprise for daddy as she brushes some dirt off her yellow, checkered sundress. The dog makes it even more difficult by licking her face. Daddy was going to love her present. She had spent all morning outside gathering it up. It was hard work out in the morning sun for such a small child.
She heard daddy's footsteps coming down the hall. Isabella carefully hid the flowers behind her back, but they still flopped to the side. She didn't notice. Her focus was daddy walking through the doorway.
"Good morning, pumpkin." He said as he looked in the fridge for something to eat. He pretended not to notice the choked smile on her face.
She finally released that smile into the largest one she could manage as she said "Daddy. I gots you somethin'!" Then she whipped the bouquet full of a rainbow of carefully picked flowers towards his face, as he turned around.
At first, he only looked a bit surprised but then he smiled and crounched down to her level. "They are beautiful! But where did you get them?" he asked.
Isabella's face turned a deep shade of pink. She didn't want to get in trouble. The only response he got was she shook her head side to side, staring at the ground, embarassed.
Daddy sighed. He knew that the only garden nearby with tulips like ion the bouqet was the neighbor Ruth's.