certain that i still have an eating disorder?

[Teh C]

about a year and a half ago, i had an eating disorder where i would constantly use laxatives (milk of magnesia, pills), restrict myself from calories ( would eat about 500 calories a day all coming from vegetables and rice), would binge and then throw it up, starve myself for days. i was completely unhappy with myself, felt unwanted, ugly ( i was only 140 5'8 and a guy and dropped to 100 rapidly and this was my senior year of high school) i then got in a relationship and everything changed. i completely stopped doing the harm to my body but still being consciously knowing that i should stop eating and start "dieting" again. and up to today i went from a xs to basically an xl i gained almost 80 pounds this year and a half and i cant control myself. i find myself eating whenever i have time for it. i cant figure out if i am hungry or if its just an impulsion for me to eat. i eat when i am sad, i eat when i am happy. i just cant control it. what can i do? i am just completly lost. i have tried doing everything from starting to eat healthy but even healthy eating makes me overeat. what can i do to subconsciously feel better. back then i strive to be skinny and it was not enough and even know i feel horrible and depressed of the way i look now. i cant talk to a doctor because of lack of insurance and have tried to talk to my parents, and partner but i am not finding the support i need. what can i do besides just stop eating. would love some feedback or even articles relating to this please..