Caveat...would you care to share your comments or critiques?

M

mtheoryrules

New member
Caveat

Wicked amusements that
bruise my ego,
so inclined to ache in this emotional reverie.
Given over to serve another
in the spaces of motives lost on me.

Shamelessly shallow heart
practiced in the paranoia, and
languished by the lack of anticipation.
Is this a premonition interpreted as permission?

Or shall we call it passion
a facade for fallacious lust
leaping up.

Aloft and upon the cliche
next in line novelty act
that
noble masculinity
timid but determined

Wings gathering the embrace
of a moment to remember
but never to replace
what can not be
healed
nor forgotten

Casting shadows that caveat
of a looming fall to come
 
much better than the average yahoo poem.
though for me an few good images would improve it no end.
as it is it's mainly imponderables that are put forward.

what wicked amusements?
spaces of what motives?
what shall we call passion?
what noble masculinity?
lack of anticipation in what?

and many more questions that have no solidity. we need to be shown what motive, what pain, what emotion; not simply told the undefinable word.

the poem is very well written but the caveat should be;

an image paints a thousand words.
you do use poetic devices well and the enjambment is also okay.

would only need a small edit to make it shine (jmo)
thanks for the read.

our poetry forum can be found at: http://www.muckypig.com/thepigpen/
 
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