Care to comment on this story/poem? Suggestions for improvement?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kyuuzuryu
  • Start date Start date
K

Kyuuzuryu

Guest
At here, the winds were still
The beings have left- not roused;
Among the verdant hills,
The valley, peered a house

What lurks within?
Beneath the skin-

This single cottage serves a girl
of maiden years, she shed away
Her gifts of time to be unfurled
and spent within ‘tis cage- to fray

Do you not hear?
The peace you fear-

This voiceless life she was to lead
on; masked a face, to pall her woe
The eyes withhold no passion- dead
Her pulse in veins is but a foe.

Ay, none to weep
nothing to reap

The Heavens pours his watered sobs,
his roaring wails which cloud her view;
She hides within, her cottage- throbs
the centre- heart, where cries withdrew

To yield and wail-
But no avail…

The basement held a buried chest,
inlaid with craft, the fragile walls;
The gaps were filled with bottles- rest
her rain, she kept inside; them all

To fool along-
Yet, for how long?

This water runs in streams
He drowns those in the depths
all callous to the screams
who forgot him, in rapt.

The opening and ending stanzas are written in iambic trimeter... The other quartrains in iambic tetrameter and the couplet have 4 syllable counts per line...
 
Back
Top