Can't Forget

H

here to go

New member
I'm having a really hard time right now. I broke up with this girl...I dunno around 2 months ago? And I'm still having the hardest time seeing her with other people. I feel like it's time that I don't really give a shit whether she dates my friends or foes, but everytime I see her say "I love you" or something on his myspace or her myspace or in person or...anywhere in general, I just feel...really really shitty. And I don't know why!!!

We ended the relationship with a series of arguments, her treating me like shit, dating one of my friends, etc. Things that would normally piss people off to the point where they can't even think about them. I've been introduced to so many wonderful new people and opportunities but this stupid girl has stolen my ability to move on. I just can't stop glancing at her relationship with this guy and feel like shit, thinking that I once loved her. I hate her, and everything about her now, but it just sucks thinking that my first love...screwed me over and hates me now. I dunno it's just a rock and hard place for cupid to show up.

I just really wanna remove my memories of her and everything from my life. I burned all the notes that she ever gave me today, and broke the cds she burned for me when we first met, before we were dating. I tried to remove every article of her from my life but I can't not care about her in some goofy, half-assed way or another. The worst part is, I've met a new girl who I could easily see dating, and she is such a wonderful person and just full of life...but this past relationship is just ruining my confidence, ability to make decisions...just everything relationship-wise. I just can't get over the past and move on.

Any ideas to help me? Any ways for me to be an insensitive ass and just not care about her?
 
Be glad that your not an insensitive ass. Obviously you cared about this girl and she burnned you. It takes time to get over that.

Give it time and try to stop running in the same circles as she is. Stay off her myspace. (Hell, stay off that shit completely.)

All I can say is I've been there pining away for someone I can't have and it does suck. In a while it fades... eventually it goes away.
 
Uber speaks the truth, man. I used to be in the same situation as you. (Only I had the luxury of being 360 miles away when it happened, so I didn't have to witness the shitstorm first hand).

If you really loved this girl, then it's going to take a long time. I'll tell you right now, burning the notes and bustin the CD's and shit like that will provide temporary sanity, but its not a long term cure. In my experience, time will be the only thing that cures you. You just need to give it time. 2 months may seem like a long time, but everyone copes with a broken heart differently.

When my gf of 3 years broke up with me, it took me almost a year to heal the wounds. It hurt man, it hurt for a long time. All I can say is try not to think about her. Don't do the things you two used to do together. Find something that is unique to yourself.

For me, that was alcohol. She and I never drank much, so when we broke up I had something that didn't remind me of her and allowed me to escape from my problems. I wouldn't recommend turning to alcohol.

Good luck. Hope everything works out for you. It's not the end of the world, you'll see.
 
i used to be like that too. then i just said to myself " stop obsessing over her. your only hurting yourself." and i just stopped talking to her. now we are barely friends..
 
See- I have sorta' a problem like that. Every guy that I have liked within' the past 3 years have turned me down saying "I only want to be friends, and nothing more" and for each one it has taken me time to get over them. With the one that did that to me last, I still can't get over him. I'm stuck on him and I can't let go. For a little while I thought I did, I stayed away from him, didn't call him, didn't have any communication with him then we started to hang out more and the same feeling came back. So what I think you need to do is just try to avoid being around her if it hurts you that much, but never tell her you hate her- that'll probley just hurt you, alot. That's what I think about that.
 
You said she was your first love. Well, I don't think we ever completely forget our first love. Yes, I do believe that time will heal the sharpness of the pain, but there is something special about that very first love that keeps you from really "forgetting" it. For me, what happened over time was, the fond memories of the good times are now kind of bittersweet. The bad memories and the memories of the break up....well....those have really faded into being fairly non-emotional.

I think the loss of that first love is just always a little bittersweet. But given a little time, someone else will come and steal your heart. The trick is learning to move on and let go of expecting each person to hurt you and becoming hard and calloused by the losses we suffer. THAT is tricky. Over the years I have become much less trusting and naive, but...I think that has worked out for the better. I have had to really guard my heart though, not to allow bitterness to set in and steal from my OTHER relationships (some of which were quite good and ended amicably).

Just remember....not every woman or man in our lives is going to end up dumping us and hurting us, but we all have to go through SOME of that on the path to finding the one that we're, for lack of a better word, MEANT to be with. Sometimes, you will even have to be the one that leaves, for your own higher good in life.

Some relationships are for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime.
 
This needs time. First loves stay with us always, but we do move on and the memories become more nostalgic. Some day you will remember her with fondness and only remember the good stuff.

For now, just mourn the loss of your love. But stay away from places and things that involve her. Myspace, the local hangout or whatever. Also, don't start dating yet. This is not the time to involve another that you could very well end up hurting. You obviously are not ready.

I know it's cliche, but you are young. Find and seek out new interests and places that have nothing to do with the 1st love. You will find a whole new life and eventually loves.
 
while this all may seem like good advice, i have this thing where i try not to have regrets. I attempt to strike some sort of common ground. I try to remind myself of why we arent together anymore. i discuss things after the breakup with an open mind. it usually ends in an argument, but maybe you feel you dont understand fully why things happened the way they did. Maybe you are more upset that she didnt care about you the same way you care about her. it hurts to see someone that you were supposed to be in love with just move on as if you never happened.

I suggest asking her what the deal is. maybe ask her what she would do in yoru presence. I dont like the whole destroying things, as they are a reminder of the better times. Times for which you should be thankful for. If you truely think that nothing will come of you, friendship or otherwise... then you should try to be the better person and just say to yourself that she fell to the way side. continue on with whatever it is that makes you happy... change nothing in yourself or your ways, and you will gain the knowledge that you are better and truer to who you are than she was. you can do it. Dont let anything hold you down, or back. We live as we dream--alone.-joseph conrad.
 
Aww, Welshy. You and that big heart of yours. Whoever said, "Forgive and forget" might have been talking directly to you.

The other posts here offer some very good suggestions. Quit checking MySpace for her and the new beau. That's like re-opening a wound to see if it still bleeds. Well, it does. Leave it alone to heal.

When you find yourself sitting there and thinking, "if only..." stop. Figuratively whack yourself against the head and focus on something else. After awhile (and it can be quite awhile) the number of times those thoughts come to you will go down. You'll find that it's only 8 times a day, then 6, etc.

It also makes sense to give yourself some time before entering into a new relationship. Yes, getting up on the horse right after you've been thrown makes sense, but it doesn't make sense to begin a new involvement when you're still heart-hurt from the old one. The new ladyfriend doesn't deserve to be constantly compared with the previous girlfriend, and unfortunately, that's what can happen if you aren't over the loss.

Go out, have fun, be with other people (not the old girlfriend and/or her friends), and give yourself a break. Don't rush into anything, just because you don't want to be alone right now.
 
Aw welshy.....

I agree with Uber above. Now, I also think you should talk to this new girl in your life. Explain to her that you really like her, but you want to take it slow because you heart is still broken. Girls love that sensitive honesty.

Another thing. I don't always think it is a good idea to burn all your memories up like that. Those were part of your life, and while it might help you move on, you kind of lose something if you get rid of them.
 
I feel the same way about this, but thought it might be too late to mention it. Just in case and for everyones future heart breaks. This is very good advice. It is part of your life and you will regret burning all the bridges.
 
I agree with DG, and everyone else.

I won't call you an idiot for destroying those memories. It's been done, so don't regret it. On some occasions, it's better to NOT have those memories.

And time. Gotta give it all time. I think everyone else's long winded responses made up for my lack of substance. :thumbsup:
 
This is definitely not the time to have those memories. Most of them were notes that had mushy hearts on them with my name, her name, etc. Boyfriend-girlfriend lovey-dovey nonsense that really just doesn't help me. And really, it's not like I learned a damn thing through those. They were mainly just cute things that she gave to me but have no meaning now, and only leave a bitter taste. So I got rid of 'em.
 
Yea the girl in my situation did the exact thing and I still have some of those notes. I need to burn them or throw them away. This is how i deal with my problems. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I found a note from her. Happy things are in it. Smiley faces, dotted the letter "I" with a heart, told me how much troible she had gone through to write it to me. It's one piece of paper, front to back. She even had a nickname for me. Skii - because my last name. im polish so you can see where this comes from. And she gets on talking about "if we had kids" etc. one day i opened up to her and told her how i felt and i got the smackdown laid on me. I still have that text. I had to get text messaging taken away because all i did was text her. phone bill came up to 200 smackers... oh that girl..

sorry for the temp. thread jack.... I keep these things bottled inside so i never vent them...
 
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